I think the characters have a sort of simplistic charm to them. I can see you put some thought and heart into them. Nice work.
However, I think you did not put the same heart into the rest of the art. It looks like for many aspects of it, you just kind of rushed it and compromised. This includes all the backgrounds, the writing, and the effects. The hand written parts are poorly done. I can empathize, my handwriting is terrible. But the lettering is as much a part of your work as every other element, and needs to same attention. Generic MS Paint fonts just don't cut it. Ellipses in a grid don't cut it for the clouds, either!
I am not sure if this is a rough draft, but you also need to think about how you want to render this. It looks like everything was done with a waxy #2 pencil, not gonna cut it! It makes everything look like it was done in a school notebook. After you are happy with your lines, try going over them with Photoshop to make them clean and professional looking. That alone will really boost the quality. I see you did this for a few lines, and it looks inconsistent with the pencil.
As for the story, It's kinda cute. But it doesn't make a great deal of sense. I see what you were going for, and I think you just about got it. I just don't get why he disappears then reappears like that. Did he go on an adventure?
Also, work on your grammar. If you're going to write it can't hurt. At least learn the difference between you're/your, there/their, than/then, etc... It just takes like 10 minutes to look up.