You’ve been there. It’s Tuesday at 2:00 PM. Your calendar dings. It’s that recurring 30-minute block with your manager that somehow always feels like a chore. You both stare at a shared Google Doc, trade status updates that could have been an email, and then awkward-laugh about how fast the week is going. It’s a waste. Honestly, most traditional meetings are just theater. But lately, there's been a shift toward something called flex one on one meetings, and it’s basically changing how teams actually get work done without losing their minds.
Management isn't what it used to be in 2019. Back then, "face time" was king. Now? If you're forcing a high-performer to sit through a rigid, scheduled sync when they have nothing to report, you're just begging for burnout. The flex one on one model flips the script. Instead of a calendar invite that sits there like a heavy stone, the meeting moves, breathes, and—most importantly—only happens when it provides actual value.
What People Get Wrong About the Flex One on One
Most people hear "flex" and think "optional" or "lazy." That’s a mistake. A flex one on one isn't about skipping management; it's about high-bandwidth communication. It’s the difference between a scheduled oil change and a Formula 1 pit stop. You do it because it’s needed, not because the clock hit a certain hour.
In a traditional setup, you have the "Standard Weekly." It's 1:1, same time, same place. In a flex one on one environment, the cadence is dictated by the project lifecycle. If a developer is in "deep work" mode on a Friday, the last thing they need is a 1:00 PM check-in to ask "how's it going?" The answer is "it was going great until you called."
The flex model relies on asynchronous updates for the "what" and saves the live meeting for the "why" and the "how." Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, has long championed the idea that these meetings are for the employee, not the boss. If the employee doesn't need the time this week, the flex approach says: give that time back.
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The Death of the Status Update
Let’s be real for a second. If you spend your one-on-one talking about project status, you’re doing it wrong. We have Jira. We have Slack. We have Trello. If I want to know if Task A is done, I’ll look at the dashboard.
The flex one on one shifts the focus toward professional development and complex problem-solving. It’s about the stuff that doesn't fit into a text box. It’s for when a designer is feeling "stuck" on a creative direction or when a salesperson needs to vent about a lead that went cold. By making the meeting flexible, you ensure that when you do talk, you’re both energized. You aren't just checking a box.
How High-Growth Startups Are Using Flex Timing
I’ve seen this work wonders in fast-paced tech environments. Take a company like Gitlab, which is famous for its "handbook-first" approach. They don't do meetings for the sake of meetings.
A flex one on one in this context might look like a 15-minute "pulse check" on Tuesday and a 50-minute "deep dive" the following Thursday. There is no rigid "every Wednesday at 10:00 AM" rule.
- The On-Demand Trigger: Some teams use a "queue" system. When the shared agenda hits three items, a meeting is triggered.
- The Energy Match: If a manager sees an employee is crushing their goals and seems happy, they might push the flex one on one to next week.
- The Crisis Pivot: If a project hits a snag, that flex time can be pulled forward immediately.
It requires trust. Huge amounts of it. If you don't trust your team to work without a leash, flex one on one meetings will fail. You'll just end up hovering, which is worse.
The Psychological Edge of "Giving Back Time"
There is a massive psychological win when a manager says, "You’re killing it, we don't need our sync today. Take the 30 minutes for yourself."
It’s a gift. It signals that you value their output more than your process. According to organizational psychologists like Adam Grant, autonomy is one of the biggest drivers of job satisfaction. A rigid meeting schedule is the enemy of autonomy. It says, "I own this slice of your Tuesday, regardless of your workload."
When you move to a flex one on one, you’re handing that autonomy back. You’re saying, "I trust you to tell me when you need me." This creates a "pull" dynamic rather than a "push" dynamic. The employee pulls the manager in when they need coaching, rather than the manager pushing their presence onto the employee.
It’s Not Just for Remote Teams
While the flex one on one became a staple of the "Work From Home" era, it’s arguably more important in the office. Office life is full of "drive-bys"—those "hey, got a minute?" moments. If you’re already talking three times a day at the coffee machine, why on earth are you sitting in a conference room for a formal one-on-one?
Flexibility in-person means acknowledging that the conversation is already happening. Use the formal block only when you need to step away from the noise and talk about the big picture—career arcs, salary, or team friction.
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Setting Up Your Own Flex One on One Framework
You can't just stop showing up to meetings and call it "flex." That’s just being a flake. You need a system.
First, establish a "Minimum Viable Contact." Maybe that's once every two weeks. No matter how busy or how smooth things are going, you don't go longer than 14 days without a real conversation. This prevents people from drifting into silos.
Second, use a living document. I personally like Notion or a simple Google Doc. Both parties add topics as they come up during the week. If Monday rolls around and the doc is empty? Cancel the meeting. If the doc is overflowing by Tuesday morning? Move the meeting up.
Third, define the "Emergency Protocol." A flex one on one shouldn't replace urgent communication. If the server is down, you don't wait for a flex sync. You pick up the phone.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
It’s easy to mess this up. The biggest risk is "The Fade." This is where a manager uses "flexibility" as an excuse to ignore their direct reports. If you go three weeks without talking to your team because you’re "flexing," you aren't managing. You’re ghosting.
Another issue is the "Power Imbalance." If the manager is the only one who gets to decide when the meeting happens, it isn't flex. It’s just "whenever the boss feels like it." Both people need to have the power to trigger or postpone the session.
Actionable Steps for Transitioning Today
If you're tired of the "Weekly Groundhog Day" meeting, here is how you actually move toward a flex one on one model without breaking your workflow:
- The Audit: Look at your last four one-on-ones. How much of that time was spent on status updates that were already in your project management tool? If it’s more than 50%, you are a prime candidate for flex.
- The Conversation: Sit down with your direct report or your manager. Say: "I want to make sure our time is high-value. What if we moved to a flex schedule where we only sync when we have meaty topics to discuss?"
- The Anchor: Keep a placeholder on the calendar so the time is protected, but agree to "release" it 24 hours in advance if the agenda is thin.
- The Feedback Loop: Try it for a month. At the end of 30 days, ask: "Do you feel more or less supported?"
The goal here isn't to talk less. It’s to talk better. In a world where everyone is "Zoomed out" and exhausted by digital clutter, the flex one on one is a breath of fresh air. It treats adults like adults. It prioritizes the work over the ritual. And honestly? It just makes sense.
Stop treating your team’s calendar like a game of Tetris and start treating it like the finite resource it is. The results—better morale, clearer communication, and fewer "this could have been an email" sighs—are well worth the effort of breaking the old habits.