It happens every few months. You’re scrolling through TikTok or Instagram, and suddenly, a specific melody hits. It’s usually melancholic. Maybe it’s a bit ethereal. You see a montage of a couple that didn't make it, or perhaps a "what if" scenario involving a career someone walked away from. The in another life song trope has become a permanent fixture of digital culture because it taps into the one thing we all carry: regret.
Music has this weird way of acting as a time machine. But specifically, these songs—whether it's Katy Perry’s "The One That Got Away" or J. Cole’s "p u n c h i n ‘ . t h e . c l o c k"—function as a bridge to a reality that doesn't actually exist. We love them. We hate them. We cry to them in our cars when we're supposed to be picking up groceries.
Honestly, the "In Another Life" concept isn't even just about one song anymore. It’s a whole genre of emotional yearning.
The Anatomy of a Sad Multiverse
Why do we do this to ourselves? Psychology suggests that humans are hardwired for counterfactual thinking. That's just a fancy way of saying we constantly imagine how our lives would be different if we’d made one tiny change. The in another life song provides the soundtrack for that mental torture.
Take Katy Perry’s "The One That Got Away." For a lot of people, this is the definitive anthem. When she sings about "in another life, I would be your girl," she’s not just talking about a breakup. She’s talking about the death of a potential future. It’s heavy stuff for a pop song. The lyrics mention June Carter and Johnny Cash, signaling a legendary kind of love that the narrator missed out on. It's relatable because most of us have a person who exists only in our memories and a "what if" folder in our brains.
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Then you have the more modern, indie interpretations. Songs like "In Another Life" by Ash or even the haunting melodies of Mitski often get lumped into this category. They feel different. They’re less about the "pop" polish and more about the raw, visceral ache of being stuck in the wrong timeline.
It's More Than Just Romance
Everyone thinks these songs are just about exes. They aren't.
I’ve seen this trend used for lost pets. I've seen it used for people mourning the person they were before a chronic illness or a traumatic event. The in another life song becomes a vessel for grief that doesn't have a specific name. Maybe in another life, you didn't move across the country. Maybe in another life, you finished that degree.
Music critics often point to the "nostalgia bait" in these tracks. There’s a certain chord progression—usually involving a minor fourth or a lingering seventh—that triggers a physical response in the chest. It feels like a literal pull. Producers know this. Songwriters like Julia Michaels or Billie Eilish are masters at weaving these "yearning" frequencies into their music. They aren't just writing hits; they're writing triggers for our collective "what ifs."
Why These Songs Explode on Social Media
Algorithms love sadness. It’s a fact. A video featuring an in another life song usually garners higher engagement because it invites people to share their own stories in the comments.
- You’ll see someone talk about their high school sweetheart.
- Another person mentions a parent they lost too soon.
- Someone else talks about the city they had to leave behind.
It creates a temporary community of the heartbroken. When a song like "Fourth of July" by Sufjan Stevens trends, it’s not because everyone suddenly became a fan of indie-folk. It’s because the line "We're all gonna die" mixed with the vibe of "In another life, I’d stay" is a potent cocktail.
The visual language of these trends is almost always the same: grainy filters, slow-motion clips, and a lot of staring out of windows. It’s cliché, sure. But it works because it mirrors the internal landscape of someone who is daydreaming about a different version of their existence.
The Scientific Side of the Sobbing
Researchers at the University of Durham actually looked into why we enjoy sad music. They found that for many, it provides a sense of "perceived beauty" and a way to regulate emotions. When you listen to an in another life song, your brain might be releasing prolactin, a hormone associated with grief and mourning. But since you aren't actually experiencing a fresh tragedy, the prolactin provides a weirdly soothing, consoling effect.
It’s like a fake-out for your endocrine system. You get the release without the actual catastrophe.
But there’s a limit. If you spend too much time in the "In Another Life" headspace, it becomes maladaptive daydreaming. You start living more in the song than in your actual apartment. That’s where the danger lies. These songs are meant to be a visit, not a permanent residence.
Finding Your Own "In Another Life" Anthem
If you’re looking to build a playlist that really captures this feeling, you have to look beyond the obvious. While Katy Perry is the queen of the concept, there are deeper cuts that hit harder.
- "Ghostin" by Ariana Grande: This is a brutal look at being with one person while mourning another. It’s the "in another life" trope happening in real-time, which makes it incredibly uncomfortable and beautiful.
- "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron: This song basically owns the "wish I could go back" market. It’s been used in countless TV shows for a reason.
- "Right Where You Left Me" by Taylor Swift: This is the perspective of the person who didn't move on to the "other life." They stayed frozen.
How to Handle the "What If" Loop
So, what do you do when a song puts you in a tailspin? Honestly, the best way to deal with the emotions stirred up by an in another life song is to ground yourself in the mundane.
Eat a piece of fruit.
Walk the dog.
Text someone who is actually in your life right now.
Acknowledging the "other life" is healthy. It's a way of honoring the paths you didn't take. But don't let the music convince you that the other path was perfect. Most "other lives" would have had their own sets of problems, boring Tuesdays, and heartbreaks too. The song just leaves those parts out.
To move forward after a heavy listening session, try shifting the narrative. Instead of "In another life, I would have stayed," try thinking, "In this life, I learned how to leave." It's a small shift, but it keeps you in the present. Use these songs as a catharsis, a way to flush out the system, and then put on something with a higher BPM to bring yourself back to the room.
The beauty of the in another life song isn't that it's true—it's that it gives us permission to be a little bit sad about the things we lost, even if we're glad about where we ended up.
Next time you hear that familiar opening chord, let it wash over you. Cry if you need to. Then, turn the volume down and look at what's right in front of you. That's the only life you've actually got to live.
Practical Steps for Using Music to Process Regret:
- Identify the specific trigger: Is it a lyric about a place, a person, or a feeling of missed opportunity? Knowing why a song hits helps you address the underlying emotion.
- Limit the loop: Allow yourself three plays of a "yearning" song, then force a genre switch to something neutral or upbeat to prevent emotional spiraling.
- Write the "Alternative Lyrics": If a song makes you think of a specific "what if," write down what that life would actually look like, including the boring or difficult parts. This breaks the "perfection" illusion of the imaginary life.
- Curate for Catharsis: Build a playlist specifically for these feelings, but give it a clear name like "The 15-Minute Cry" to signal to your brain that this is a temporary state, not a lifestyle.
- Focus on Sensory Grounding: If the music feels too overwhelming, use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc.) to pull your focus out of the "alternate reality" of the song.