If you’ve spent any time in the dark, sticky corners of the internet, you’ve probably seen the memes. A sweaty, frantic man yelling about "milk steak" and "little green ghouls." For the uninitiated, it looks like a fever dream. For fans of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it’s just Tuesday. Specifically, it's Season 5, Episode 5, "The Waitress Is Getting Married," which contains arguably the most iconic scene in sitcom history: the creation of the always sunny in philadelphia charlie dating profile.
It’s a masterclass in character-driven comedy. We see Charlie Kelly, a man who likely hasn't showered since the Bush administration, attempting to enter the world of online dating. But Charlie isn't your average Tinder user. He doesn't want a "partner in crime" or someone who "loves to travel." Honestly, he barely knows what a computer is.
The Birth of a Disaster
The setup is classic Sunny. The Waitress (Charlie’s long-term stalking victim and obsession) is getting married to a handsome guy named Brad Fisher. Mac and Dennis, fearing Charlie will "go postal" and murder them all if he finds out, decide to distract him. Their brilliant plan? Get him a date so he moves on.
They sit him down in his squalid apartment to fill out a Match.com profile. This is where the wheels don't just come off—the whole car explodes.
Charlie's ideas for a profile are... unique. He wants to look like Sherlock Holmes in his photo. Not because he likes mysteries, but because he thinks it looks "sexy" and "intelligent." When that fails, he settles for a photo where he looks like he’s undergoing a medical emergency.
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Milk Steak and Magnets
Then come the questions. Dennis asks for his favorite food. Most people say sushi or Italian. Charlie? Milk steak. > "I'm not putting milk steak!" Dennis screams.
"Just put steak," Mac suggests.
"Don't put steak, put milk steak. She’ll know what it is," Charlie insists.
For those wondering, Charlie eventually clarifies his order later in the episode: milk steak, boiled over hard, with a side of the finest jellybeans, served raw. It’s perhaps the most disgusting culinary invention in television history. There are actual recipes online now where people try to make this. Don't do it. It’s just gray meat in warm milk.
Next up: Hobbies.
Charlie's answer is immediate: Magnets. Just magnets. Not making them, not "how do they work?" (though he probably doesn't know), just... magnets.
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Why the Charlie Dating Profile Still Works
Why are we still talking about a scene from 2009? Because it perfectly encapsulates the "Charlie Kelly" experience. He is a man of simple, terrifyingly specific tastes.
When asked about his likes, he doesn't mention movies or music. He says "ghouls." "Funny little green ghouls!" he exclaims with genuine joy.
Mac and Dennis are losing their minds at this point. They try to pivot to something normal, like "travel." Charlie counters with his dislikes: "People's knees." Think about that for a second. It’s not just that he dislikes knees; it’s the visceral reaction he has to them. He tells people to "cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere." It’s an insane worldview that feels completely earned because we know Charlie spends his time huffing glue and hunting for "treasures" in the sewer.
The Full-On-Rapist Incident
The dating profile leads to an actual date with a woman named Jackie. It goes exactly as well as you’d expect. Charlie arrives at the restaurant dripping with sweat—partly because he’s nervous, partly because he’s been bitten by hornets (long story), and partly because he ate a "block of cheese" before the date to "calm down."
In one of the show's most famous linguistic blunders, he tries to tell Jackie he's a philanthropist.
Instead, he tells her he’s a "full-on-rapist." He follows it up by clarifying: "You know, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing."
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The sheer confidence with which he delivers these lines is what makes it. He genuinely believes he’s nailing the date. He thinks he’s being charming. Meanwhile, Dennis and Mac are watching from afar, horrified that their creation has mutated into a sentient disaster.
Lessons from the Worst Dating Profile Ever
Is there actually value here for real-world dating? Sorta.
- Be Specific (But Not Charlie Specific): Real dating experts say you should list specific interests to stand out. "I like magnets" certainly stands out. "I like milk steak" ensures you will never have a second date. There’s a middle ground.
- The Importance of Photos: Charlie wanted to look like Sherlock Holmes. While a costume is a bad idea, looking like yourself (and not someone who just fought a swarm of hornets) is generally a win.
- Know Your Audience: Charlie assumed his date would know what milk steak was. She did not. If you’re going to use niche terminology in your profile, make sure it’s not something that sounds like a cry for help.
How to Handle Your Own Profile
If you find yourself tempted to list "ghouls" as an interest, take a step back. Here is how you can actually use the "Charlie method" without ending up alone in a bar basement:
- Vary your sentence length. Don't just list nouns. Talk about why you like things. If you like magnets, mention you're an engineer or a physicist.
- Avoid the "Full-On-Rapist" mistake. If you have a job title that’s hard to pronounce or sounds weird, practice saying it. Or just say you work in a bar.
- Check the sweat level. If you're nervous, maybe skip the pre-date block of cheese.
The always sunny in philadelphia charlie dating profile remains a high-water mark for the show because it’s pure, unadulterated Charlie. It’s a reminder that even the most "unmatchable" person on earth still thinks they’re a catch. And in a world of curated, boring Instagram-perfect profiles, there’s something almost refreshing about a man who just wants to eat boiled meat and look at magnets.
If you're looking to spice up your own dating life, maybe don't lead with the ghouls. But definitely keep a little bit of that Charlie Kelly confidence. Just... keep your knees covered.
Next Steps for Fans:
Go back and re-watch Season 5, Episode 5. Pay close attention to the background—the hornet's nest Charlie is trying to "smoke out" to get the honey (which doesn't exist) is the reason he's so sweaty and bitten during the date. It adds a whole other layer of physical comedy to the dating profile disaster.