Yeah, I completely agree with the mouth shape being squished into that rectangle. Good edit!
Today I left manga behind and back to realism. This is a self-portrait based on a photo. Now that I'm looking at it, the top of the head is too pillow-shaded. From other shadows/shading the light is more on the top and doesn't warrant the same width of shading on top. (Why do I always notice this after I've uploaded things. Well, there's always tomorrow.)
I think at this point I need to start exploring other angles than front. Like 3/4 or even more dynamic stuff. I'm getting OK with getting proportions down and stylization into pixels, but the portraits lack character/dynamics.