Haha, sweet, another writer.
This was an interesting read, though I found it a bit awkward in some areas.
Well, here goes.
I think you should establish that there is a man on the ground before you describe him as stirring. I don't know really how to put this, so example usually works best:
Boom.
The obscure figure on the ground lay motionless, save for the rippling of the robes that blanketed it as the warm breeze coursed over the landscape.
Boom.
The wind whisped dust into the air and blew the cloak from over the head of the figure, revealing it as a man. Slowly, he stirred.
Or something like that. It seems odd just starting off with a character that has no prior introduction. Well, I know it's been done, but in this case it sounds wierd.
The wind became still, and the suspended dirt was silhouetted by the low, blood rays of the setting sun.
I didn't quite understand what you were trying to convey here. I pictured a slew of dust particles casting the kind of shadows you see coming through the window into a dark room on a sunny day...if that made sense. However, I don't think that kind of lighting occurs in open environments. Some clarification would be nice. Sometimes simpler is better.
Finally awoken, he rose.
This is probably personal preference, but I think that awakened would fit better.
He brushed dirt off his face, and his features where made apparent
Again, personal preference, but I think something along the lines of:
As he brushed the dirt from his face, his features became apparent.
His grey eyes glistened, and they reflected the horizon.
His grey eyes glistened, reflecting the horizon.
The threads on these garments were shimmering gold, and there was a strange symbol threaded into his clothes.
The threads on his garments shimmered gold [in the fading sunlight], and a strange symbol threaded throughout his clothes.
Due to the fact that he was still waking up, he lost his balance while stretching and fell backwards to the ground.
Please, don't start sentences with "due to the fact" unless you're writing an essay or something...and even then, such phrases should be avoided. It's a waste of breath and breaks up the flow of the story. Try
In his state of dazed wakefulness, he stretched too far and stumbled to the ground, falling backwards [into the loose, dusty earth].
Sorry, I don't mean to be nitpicky. But most of this stuff is just personal preference to what I think would make the sentences flow better. I sho' 'nuff ain't got a degree in this or anything, so take it lightly.
...and he started to survey his surroundings.
...and he began surveying his surroundings.
As he sprinted to the structure he had second thoughts, as every tremor loosened rocks from the near vertical face.
When did he start sprinting?
He began sprinting towards the structure, but as he did so he began having second thoughts. With each tremor that growled beneath his feet, he noticed that some rocks had become loose from the near vertical face and plummetted to the ground.
Gliding softly and swiftly through the grass, he noticed that it started to thin out and shorten the closer he got to the protrusion of rock.
What is the subject of this sentence? It's difficult to understand when you have pronouns precede what they are replacing. It's also unclear what you mean by thin out and shorten.
Gliding softly and swiftly through the grass, he noticed that, as he neared the skyward projection of stone, it started to thin out and shorten(?).
It consisted of a main spire, and several small ledges, the largest being barely enough for him to sit in the lotus position on.
Barely enough? Barely enough what? "The lotus position" is to specific. It suggests he might have room to sit on it in some other position.
It consisted of a main spire, and several small ledges, the largest having barely enough room for him to sit on.
Ah, Well, it's getting a bit late here, and my mom's gonna start nagging me to go to bed soon, so I'll post this now. Again, sorry if I come off as nitpicky, and keep up the writing. I might edit this later with the finished "evaluation." Muahaha... j/k
. Hope I helped.
~Xion