AuthorTopic: Millstone  (Read 5291 times)

Offline Cure

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Millstone

on: June 03, 2011, 08:09:29 am
Started this today, any feedback would be cool:


first ------------> current
   

Still WIP obviously. Another entry in the AH/CHU series I've been working on.

Semi-remake of this print, coupled with the second half of a related poem.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2011, 03:32:39 am by Cure »

Offline alex pang

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Re: Millstone

Reply #1 on: June 03, 2011, 08:22:24 am
Awsome as always, Cure.  ;D
i just love the simplistic shading of the water and the bobbles.
But I recommended you to add rays of light all the way to the way down.
Btw, whats up with poems?  :huh:

Offline Chris2balls

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Re: Millstone

Reply #2 on: June 03, 2011, 01:34:37 pm
i can't wait to see this finished!
i may be anticipating your progress, but i thought the millstone could be tainted by the water's blue?

i also had problems reading the "then".
i'm looking forward to progress!
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Offline Ovyx

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Re: Millstone

Reply #3 on: June 03, 2011, 08:30:46 pm
    Hmm, my main concern is the text, not only is sections of it hard to read, but its lacking your usual emphasis with a lack of font distortions and spacing, its a bit ineffective. What I mean by that is the word "down", could be seperate from the words "but you pulled me back." It could be below them in a larger, vertically streched font, which would emphasis the pulling back down section of the poem. That would also mean you would need to make the canvas vertically larger.  Perhaps the last line of the poem could be distorted in a way that makes the text appear to be "Suffocating."
Neat poem, nice visuals. Can't wait to see you finish it. :)
« Last Edit: June 03, 2011, 08:33:04 pm by Ovyx »

Offline Cure

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Re: Millstone

Reply #4 on: June 10, 2011, 05:38:40 am
update:


hopefully I can find time to finish this this weekend. Gonna try to make it into an encaustic painting next week.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2011, 05:40:17 am by Cure »

Offline Jeremy

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Re: Millstone

Reply #5 on: June 10, 2011, 06:05:22 am
Agreed with C2B, Maybe not that extreme but underwater objects definitely shade towards blue, as seen in the mailbox here.
Here's a little edit, changed the darker colours->blue, and altered the perspective of the hole to what (I think) is the correct one. Also thought the letter highlights were a bit too universal, they read perfectly fine without 'em :)


And I hate that moustache, but that's just a personal preference :lol:

Offline Cure

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Re: Millstone

Reply #6 on: June 10, 2011, 06:13:47 am
Looks much better, I'll get right on that. Might agree about the 'stache, we'll see how it looks without it.

update:


(to the below post: could crit about the water running of the face, tried some of that here. 'stache is gone, looks much better.)
« Last Edit: June 10, 2011, 09:51:32 am by Cure »

Offline Decroded

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Re: Millstone

Reply #7 on: June 10, 2011, 07:50:06 am
I suggest streams of water on face running down and join some of the shapes up with the breaking of the surface. Some water in his mouth and eyes would add to the discomfort and drama as if he is so desperate for air he will breath a little water with it.
Oh yeah and lose the mo if u can or do something else with it so it doesnt look like a brown stain on his face.
Piece looks awesome though ;-)

Offline piffany

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Re: Millstone

Reply #8 on: June 11, 2011, 02:28:40 am
Looking good so far. May I suggest having his tongue stick out a little more to show the struggle, and also add some blue/purple tint to his face for the lack of oxygen? He should also squint more because of all the water.

This is the most dramatic drowning face I could find, for your reference:

--Piffany
Disclaimer: I am still fairly new at pixel art, so please don't be offended by my negative critiques :)

Offline Cure

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Re: Millstone

Reply #9 on: June 11, 2011, 06:04:07 am
To address some of the critique here, which I think is solid: drowning isn’t really the weight of my theme here, so I’m not too concerned with him looking like he’s drowning. I’m going more for an ambiguous look that could either be 1) ecstasy, be it spiritual or sexual (according to different readings of the text) or 2) gasping for a big gulp of air. Up until this crits I hadn’t really thought of the text being read as drowning rather than just sinking, but a look of pain, I think, would compromise the ecstasy associations.

Here's what's probably the final, still open to tweaks, any major crits might be applied to the painting if not this piece:
« Last Edit: June 12, 2011, 03:32:51 am by Cure »