Yeah, it seems clarity is an issue then, wouldn't you say? High contrast rendering requires a lot of volumetric control that isn't here on this rough right now.
Here's an hour's worth of doodling, no reference (bad scan but I was too bored to do two scans and connect. Just imagine it with more space around the theme). If I were doing nothing with my time I'd sit down and ink/tone this perhaps. If I could justify the elevation change between the barbarian and everything else, that is (I probably could by putting people higher on a sloped curve behind him to suggest uneven terrain.) This was done as an anatomy study first, and it's pretty clear I need to hit the books (check vague muscle groups in the armpit, I really don't know how everything connects there. The shoulders/neck area is okay (which was the real challenge if you consider the squished-ness of strong muscles), and the front/chest/abs at least portray the shape of the body well, though the anatomy is again, invented. I am not trying to be a fine artist (I'm a comic artist), but it's pretty clear I need to work from reference more.
It's funny to me how the dude on the front blocking the blade with the armband has more personality to him than the barbarian. Oh well!
Critique encouraged of course!