As a courtesy, please spare me the psychoanalysis. Fair is fair, I told you that I think you seem a bit out of it and I will accept that you think I have a broken self, whatever that is, sounds like I have it. But as to why either of these things have happened, I won't guess and I ask you not to offer your guesses. The phenomena are there, leave the psychoanalysis to the therapists.
I don't have any answers, as I've said. Philosophy is about questions. A big tree of many branches, every one of them when scritinized have even more branches. It is not my answers that are threatened, it is my sanity. I am wrong all the time, yet remain sane. I have misunderstood knowledge, esp. philosophy to a great extent, so, so much, yet I keep on trucking because the construct is sound. I don't think I'm often right even for much more basic things. I am not talking about right and wrong. I am talking about things that are useful versus things that are not.
The things you're putting in your videos are madness. Not all of them, some are more lucid than others, but some are just rambly incoherent messes. They're not useful to me. I can tell from watching 5 minutes of them and yet I've watched a couple of hours just to try to understand what's going on with you because of our previous Pixelation history, even if it's not useful to me personally. We never had the best relations in the past, but I sincerily worry about you, Alex.
Again, for clarity. The videos are madness because you ramble on and on about things that either
1. don't make sense
2. make a very banal sort of sense
The words you put in a row are not defined, you use them in strange ways and you abuse their connections. It's like a dreamy haze, you say 'stuff', 'perception', 'reality', 'thinking' a lot and you arrive at no higher structures, just a word soup of these basic things in haphazard, rambling connections.
And when you do wrestle an understandable point out of 10 minutes of rambly dreamy stonery monlogue, the point is self-evident and not illuminating at all, like saying "when you think outside the box, you percieve things differently, then good things can happen". Well, alright!
I expect that to you you make perfect sense and are reaching for the heavens with your revelations. That's what worries me, self-delusion. It's not that I don't understand you, it's that what you're presenting is resisting to be understood. Can you see the difference? You're doing a bad job of conveying information or the information you present is nonsense. If it's the former, work harder. If it's the latter, stick to making art, where more vague ideas are best channeled.
You do not seem to me to be 'unfiltered and raw'. You seem to me suffer from delusions of grandeur. You think you're saying important stuff, how many people you've exposed your thoughts to agree? How many lives have been bettered by your wisdom? As I said before, I don't think you're trying to sell ice to eskimos here, I do believe you that you believe yourself to be saying great and important things. This is what really worries me. Back on the earth plane, how are you making do? What do you do for work? Do you have friends and family and a support system? Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? When's the last time you went out and about? Are you taking care of your health?