wow Alex. Yes. I had seen nothing of your vids here, but indeed you seem like you're about to reason your way out of sanity.
Sorry but making a monologue and exposing it on youtube is not the way, people have done it before. Ever heard of crossmack/ian crossland? he's been at it probably ever since YT started...he just seems to get more haters the more he does it.
I'm going to paraphrase something I read at Film Crit Hulk's review of Eat,Pray,Love which I feel strikes the point
"Seems like the kind of person who is so intelligent in that he can reason himself into any conclusion that fits his impulses. Smart people find that their reasoning can get them out of so many situations they end up justifying what they should be facing, they can intelectually justify their own arrogance to themselves."
You wanted a camera so you could go and film...something. I watched the video of your indiegogo and I still dont know what you meant.
You said you wanted a camcorder to keep your brain from melting? Make some videos that prove you deserve it first, something people will wish would've been filmed with a camcorder because the idea is SO GOOD but oh too bad that celphone camera just doesnt do it justice. You can also just grab footage and edit it like Zeitgest/esoteric agenda, not unheard of nowdays. When you make an amazing video without the tools, you have some proof that you really deserve a camcorder courtesy of the internet.
Next time you want to make a video, write down all the things you could possibly make a video out of as a list of questions. Out of those, pick one that you could possibly answer by interviewing someone you know, or a friend of a friend, or even better simply by going somewhere and filming a real life subject.
Now, Write the question in the form of a hypothesis that will be proven true or false trough whatever you plan to film, now is the time to narrow down the idea, possibly to just an aspect of the original idea so that it can be proven/disproven conclusively.
Accumulate as much information as you can about the subject, libraries, reliable internet sources, whatever. find out different lines of investigation, adress all of the subjects that inform the central question, so that you cover diferent angles and by the time you prove/disprove it the viewer has a reasonable amount of knowledge about it in their head.
Figure out the order in which you will present the information, what interview will lead into which footage, how you will slowly build up to the final moment where you come to a conclusion about the topic. You might find conflicting information in the actual filming but that is kind of the point, so keep it flexible. Now turn that into a plan of action, make all the appointments that you have to and make sure you get every shot.
Now go and do it, film the damn thing. Come away with a conclusion and edit the footage to reflect that new point of view.
-You will get actual interaction with people involved with subjects of your interest
-it'll make for a far more interesting video to see a point of view expressed with more than one voice
-you'll expand your view of the world just experiencing things you never have before.
-no matter how small the question is in comparisson to more ideal ones, you'll come away with a clear answer
-from personal experience, I can tell you this is more enlightning and it can lead to things that'll change your persepctive on life.
EDIT:
http://www.ryanholiday.net/the-narrative-fallacy/ this seems relevant as well.