Nope. Now it looks even more like her hair is separate from the sun (like the moon girl), but her hair has such an impossible flat back side that it remains very weird....
If you want them to be separate you just need to change the backside, the white outline is nice but not neccesary.
Also, both girls have a too large left leg, and sun girl perhaps a too small right leg.
Watch out with straight lines. Pixel perfect straight lines are the coolest, but they don't always work and give weird angles/corners (arms of both characters could be less blocky for example)