You’re sitting on the floor of a half-empty apartment at 2:00 AM, eating cold pizza and talking about everything from the heat death of the universe to why your third-grade teacher was weirdly mean. There is no romance. No tension. Just this profound, heavy sense that this person gets you. It’s a click. A lock.
Honestly, it makes you wonder: can a soulmate be a friend, or are we just misusing the word?
Pop culture has spent decades lying to us. It’s always the rain-soaked airport run or the dramatic wedding interruption. We’ve been conditioned to think soulmates only happen in the bedroom or at the altar. But if you look at how humans actually bond, that’s just not the reality. The idea that one person has to be your lover, your financial partner, your co-parent, and your spiritual mirror is a lot of pressure. It’s actually kind of exhausting.
The Problem With the Romantic Monopoly
For a long time, the "Soulmate" label was strictly reserved for "The One." You know, the person you marry. However, psychologists like Dr. Carmen Harra have long argued that soulmates aren't just romantic interests; they are individuals who enter your life to help you grow. They’re "kindred spirits" on steroids.
Think about your best friend. The one who knows your "ugly cry" face.
The Greek philosopher Plato (the guy we literally get "platonic" from) suggested that humans were once split in half and spent their lives searching for their other part to become whole again. He didn't specify that you had to sleep with that other half. In his Symposium, the focus was on the elevation of the soul. Sometimes, a friend does that better than a spouse ever could. When we ask if can a soulmate be a friend, we’re really asking if a non-sexual relationship can carry the same spiritual weight as a marriage.
The answer is a loud, resounding yes.
Why Platonic Soulmates Feel Different
A platonic soulmate isn't just a "good friend." Everyone has good friends. This is different. It’s an immediate recognition. It’s what researchers sometimes call "self-expansion." You feel like you’re becoming a bigger, better version of yourself just by being around them.
There’s no "game." You don't have to worry about if they'll text back or if you’re being "too much." You just are.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat Pray Love, once described a soulmate as a mirror—the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. That doesn't require a ring. In fact, many people find that their most transformative relationships are the ones where sex isn't cluttering the view.
Signs You’ve Found Your Platonic Soulmate
- The Shared Language: You have jokes that aren't even jokes anymore; they’re just single words or looks that convey entire paragraphs of meaning.
- Total Lack of Judgment: You could tell them you accidentally joined a cult or forgot to pay your taxes for three years, and they’d just ask, "Okay, so what’s the plan?"
- The "Time Warp": You haven't seen them in six months. You sit down. Within four seconds, it’s like you never left.
- Energetic Ease: Being with them doesn't drain your battery. It charges it. Even if you’re both just sitting on your phones in the same room.
The Science of Connection
It isn't just "vibes." There is actual neurobiology at play here. When we connect deeply with someone, our brains release oxytocin—the "cuddle hormone"—and dopamine. While we usually associate this with romantic love, these chemicals are equally present in deep, long-term friendships.
In a 2017 study published in the journal Personal Relationships, researchers found that as we age, the importance of friendships actually surpasses family relationships in terms of predicting health and happiness. If your soulmate is a friend, they are literally keeping you alive longer.
Can a Soulmate Be a Friend Without Things Getting Weird?
This is the big fear, right?
Someone always asks: "But what if one of you catches feelings?"
It happens. We’re human. But the hallmark of a true platonic soulmate connection is that the relationship is built on a foundation so solid that it can survive a little bit of awkwardness. Usually, though, the "soulmate" feeling in a friendship is distinct from "falling in love." It feels more like finding a long-lost sibling or a piece of yourself. It’s comfortable. It’s not the "butterflies and anxiety" of a crush; it’s the "deep breath and exhale" of coming home.
Navigating Life With a Platonic Soulmate
Having a platonic soulmate while being in a romantic relationship with someone else can be tricky. Not everyone understands it. Your partner might get jealous. They might wonder why you tell your best friend things you don't tell them.
Communication is basically the only way through this. You have to explain that your friend fills a different bucket. Your partner is your "life partner"—the person you build a home with. Your soulmate friend is your "soul mirror." They aren't competing for the same spot.
The Evolution of the Term
Words change. Language is fluid.
In the Victorian era, "romantic friendships" were incredibly common. People wrote letters to their friends that would look like love poems to us today. They held hands. They slept in the same bed. They were "soulmates" in every sense of the word, but they weren't necessarily "together." We’ve spent the last century sexualizing every form of intimacy, which has made the idea of a platonic soulmate feel "less than."
It isn't.
In many ways, a platonic soulmate is more stable. Romances end in messy divorces. Friendships? They tend to weather the storms of life with more grace because the stakes are different. There’s no "who gets the dog" if you have a fight. You just work it out because losing that connection would be like losing a limb.
Real-World Examples
Think about Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King. Their friendship has spanned decades, through fame, tragedy, and career shifts. Oprah has openly called Gayle the mother she never had, the sister she deserved, and the friend she didn't think existed. That’s a soulmate.
Or look at Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They grew up together, struggled together, won Oscars together. They’ve had marriages come and go, but that central "click" remains.
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What to Do if You’ve Found Yours
If you’ve realized that your soulmate is actually your friend, don't try to force it into a romantic box just because society tells you that’s the "highest" form of love. It’s not.
Appreciate the rarity of what you have. Most people go their whole lives without finding someone who truly sees them. If you’ve found that in a friend, you’ve won the cosmic lottery.
Actionable Steps for Nurturing a Platonic Soulmate Connection
If you think you've found this kind of bond, or you're looking for it, here’s how to handle it:
1. Prioritize the Relationship
Treat the friendship with the same respect you’d give a romantic partner. Don't be the person who disappears the moment they start dating someone new. Schedule "dates." Check in. Show up when things get hard.
2. Set Boundaries with Partners
Early on in a romantic relationship, mention your best friend. Be transparent about how close you are. If you hide the depth of a platonic soulmate bond, it looks suspicious later. If you're open about it, it just looks like a healthy support system.
3. Lean Into the Growth
A soulmate is there to challenge you. If your friend calls you out on your nonsense, listen. That’s the "soul" part of the soulmate working. They see the version of you that you’re trying to become.
4. Practice Emotional Vulnerability
Don't just keep it to jokes and memes. Share the dark stuff. The "can a soulmate be a friend" dynamic only works if you're willing to be completely seen, warts and all.
5. Acknowledge the Lack of "End Goal"
In romance, we’re taught the goal is marriage or moving in. In friendship, the goal is just being. Enjoy the lack of pressure. There is no timeline. There is no "next step." The friendship is the destination.