It’s a heavy realization. You're sitting there, maybe staring at a half-finished project or a bank account that hasn’t moved in three years, and you point the finger. You think to yourself, you were the one thing in my way. It feels justified. It feels like a relief, honestly. If that person—that boss, that ex, that overbearing parent—just hadn't been there, everything would be different.
But here is the truth that usually hurts.
Psychology calls this an external locus of control. It’s a fancy way of saying we think life happens to us rather than because of us. When we tell someone "you were the one thing in my way," we are often handing them the keys to our entire future. We're saying they have more power over our lives than we do. That’s a dangerous place to live.
The Psychology of the Obstacle
Why do we do this? Because it's easy. It’s much more comfortable to believe a specific person blocked our path than to admit we were too scared to walk it.
Dr. Julian Rotter, who developed the concept of locus of control in the 1950s, noted that people with an external tilt often feel like victims of fate. If you’re constantly thinking you were the one thing in my way, you’re stuck in a reactive loop. You aren't the protagonist; you’re the side character in someone else’s drama.
I’ve seen this in business coaching all the time. A founder will swear up and down that a specific investor or a "toxic" co-founder killed the company. And sure, maybe they were difficult. Maybe they were even a nightmare. But the fixation on that one person usually masks a deeper fear of failure. If they were the "one thing," then your failure isn't your fault. It’s a convenient shield.
How Displacement Protects the Ego
We use displacement to survive. Sigmund Freud talked about this a century ago, and it still holds up. We take the frustration we have with ourselves—our lack of discipline, our procrastination—and we aim it at a target.
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- A partner who "kept you" from traveling.
- A manager who "held back" your promotion.
- A friend who "distracted" you from your goals.
In reality, most of these obstacles are negotiable. We stayed. We listened. We allowed the distraction. It's a bitter pill. But once you swallow it, you actually get your power back. Because if they were the problem, you’re trapped until they change. If you’re the problem, you can fix it today.
Breaking the "One Thing" Myth
The idea that a single person can be the sole barrier to your success is almost always a narrative flaw. Life is rarely that linear.
Consider the "Constraint Theory" in management. It suggests that in any complex system, there is one specific bottleneck. But once you clear that bottleneck, a new one appears. If you truly believe you were the one thing in my way, you’re assuming that once that person is gone, the path is clear. It never is. There will be a new person, a new economic shift, or a new health hurdle.
The most successful people don't look for the one thing in their way. They look for the way through the thing.
Real-World Friction vs. Mental Walls
There is a difference between a literal barrier and a psychological one. If someone locks you in a room, they are physically in your way. That’s a fact. But most of us are talking about metaphorical rooms.
We’re talking about the "emotional weight" someone puts on us. We're talking about the "vibe" they bring that ruins our productivity. Honestly? That’s on us to manage. If someone’s presence is enough to derail your entire life’s mission, the mission wasn't strong enough to begin with.
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When the Barrier is Actually a Mirror
Sometimes, when we say you were the one thing in my way, what we really mean is "you reminded me of the parts of myself I hate."
We see our own laziness reflected in their apathy. We see our own insecurity reflected in their criticism. This is called "projection," and it’s the ultimate productivity killer. You spend so much time fighting the person in front of you that you never realize you're actually shadowboxing with your own reflection.
The Cost of Resentment
Resentment is expensive. It takes up "CPU space" in your brain. If you're busy stewing over how someone blocked you, you aren't thinking about your next move. You're living in the past. You're replaying a movie where you lose.
- Stop the replay.
- Acknowledge that they were a factor, but not the only factor.
- Identify the specific decision you made to let them stay in your way.
It’s about radical accountability. It’s about looking at the situation and saying, "Yeah, they were an obstacle, but I chose to stand still in front of them for two years."
Moving Past the Finger-Pointing
So, how do you actually move on? How do you stop saying you were the one thing in my way and start moving?
First, you have to audit the "way." What were you actually trying to do? Often, we blame others for blocking us from goals we didn't even really want. We use them as an excuse to quit something that was getting too hard anyway.
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Audit Your Excuses
Write down the goal. Then write down exactly how this person stopped you.
"I wanted to start a business, but my spouse wanted stability."
Okay. Did they forbid you? Or did you just prioritize their comfort over your ambition? There is a difference. One is a cage; the other is a choice.
If it was a choice, own it. "I chose stability over my business because I value my marriage." That feels much better than "you were the one thing in my way." It turns you from a victim into a person with values and agency.
The "And Then What?" Strategy
Ask yourself: "If this person disappeared tomorrow, what would I do?"
If the answer is "I don't know," then they aren't the one thing in your way. Your lack of a plan is the thing in your way.
If the answer is a clear, actionable list of steps, then start doing the first step now. Don't wait for them to move. Pivot. Go around. Build a different path.
Actionable Steps to Reclaim Your Path
If you've been stuck in the blame game, here is how you actually get out. No fluff, just direct shifts in how you handle your business and your life.
- Reframe the Narrative: Change the sentence. Instead of "You blocked me," try "I allowed this situation to stall my progress." It feels heavy, but it’s the only way to find the exit.
- Identify the "Payoff": Be honest. What do you get out of blaming them? Usually, it's the "payoff" of not having to risk failure. If it’s their fault, you're still a "potential" success. If you try and fail on your own, that's a different story. Drop the payoff.
- Set Firm Boundaries: If someone truly is an obstacle, why are they still close enough to block you? Move them to the periphery of your life. If you can't move them (like a boss), move yourself. Find a new job. It sounds hard because it is, but it’s better than staying stuck.
- The 24-Hour Rule: Give yourself 24 hours to be as mad, resentful, and "victim-y" as you want. Scream into a pillow. Write a nasty letter you'll never send. Then, when the sun comes up, the "you were the one thing in my way" era is over. You are the only thing in your way now.
The world doesn't owe you a clear path. Most paths are overgrown with weeds and blocked by people who don't want you to pass. That's just life. The moment you stop waiting for the "one thing" to move is the moment you actually start walking.
Take the next hour to map out one goal you've blamed on someone else. Write down the very next physical action you can take toward that goal—something that requires zero permission from the person you've been blaming. Then do it. That’s how you prove they weren't the one thing in your way after all.