Ever had that moment where your heart does a little somersault because you realized you just did something you definitely weren't supposed to? It's that "you should not be doing that" feeling. Maybe it was checking an ex's Instagram at 2:00 AM. Or maybe it was something more significant, like cutting corners on a project because you were just too exhausted to care anymore. We all have these invisible lines in the sand.
Some are legal. Others are just weird social rules we’ve all silently agreed to follow.
Think about the "unspoken" rules. You don't stand right next to someone in an empty elevator. You don't microwave fish in a shared office breakroom. Why? Because you should not be doing that. It's basic. But the psychology behind why we feel the urge to break these rules—and why society reacts so strongly when we do—is actually pretty fascinating and deeply rooted in how our brains evolved to keep us from getting kicked out of the tribe.
The Evolutionary "Oops"
Back when we were roaming the savannas, being "canceled" didn't mean losing followers. It meant you died. If you hogged all the berries or didn't help with the hunt, the group would decide you were a liability.
Social shame served as a survival mechanism. It was a biological feedback loop.
When you hear someone whisper, "You should not be doing that," your brain treats it like a physical threat. Research from the University of Michigan has shown that social rejection actually activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain. Your anterior cingulate cortex lights up. It hurts because it's meant to hurt. It's your brain’s way of saying, "Hey, stop it, or we're going to be eating alone tonight, and a leopard is going to eat us."
But here’s the kicker. We still do it. We still push the boundaries.
Why the Forbidden Fruit is So Tasty
Psychologists call it reactance. Basically, when someone tells us we can't do something, our brain views it as a threat to our freedom. We want to reclaim that autonomy. So, naturally, we do the exact thing we were told not to do.
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It’s the "Don't press the red button" syndrome.
I remember a study where researchers put up signs in a park. One sign said, "Please don't litter." Another said, "You must not litter under any circumstances." Guess which area ended up with more trash? The one with the aggressive sign. People felt their agency was being stepped on, so they threw their candy wrappers on the ground just to prove a point.
The Ethics of Breaking the "Rules"
Sometimes, "you should not be doing that" is a moral imperative. In professional settings, these boundaries are usually codified. Think about insider trading or medical ethics. There’s no gray area there. You just don't do it.
Take the case of Theranos and Elizabeth Holmes. That’s the ultimate "you should not be doing that" story. She bypassed peer reviews, faked demonstrations, and put lives at risk. Why? Ambition is a hell of a drug. It blinds people to the social and legal guardrails that keep society functioning.
But then there are the smaller, murkier things.
- Ghosting someone after three dates.
- Taking credit for a tiny bit of a co-worker's idea.
- Exaggerating your skills on a resume.
These aren't crimes. But they erode trust. Trust is the currency of human interaction. Once you spend it, it’s incredibly hard to earn back.
The Digital "You Should Not Be Doing That"
The internet has totally messed up our internal compass for what’s acceptable. Because we’re behind screens, that biological "shame" response I talked about earlier gets muffled. We say things to strangers we would never dream of saying to someone's face while standing in line at the grocery store.
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Doomscrolling is a perfect example. We know it makes us miserable. We know it ruins our sleep. Our internal voice is screaming, "You should not be doing that," yet we keep swiping.
It's a dopamine loop. Tech companies spend billions of dollars to make sure your "don't do this" filter is as weak as possible. They want you to stay engaged, even if it's bad for you. Honestly, it's kinda scary when you think about how much of our behavior is being manipulated by algorithms designed to bypass our common sense.
When Breaking the Rules is Actually Good
Wait. Is it always bad?
Not necessarily. Sometimes the "rules" are just outdated traditions or systemic biases.
Think about the Civil Rights movement. Rosa Parks was told, "You should not be doing that," when she refused to move to the back of the bus. In that context, the rule was unjust. Breaking it was an act of courage. Innovation often requires doing something that everyone else says you shouldn't.
If Steve Jobs had listened to every "you should not be doing that" regarding the iPhone (like, "people want physical keyboards!"), we’d still be using Blackberries. There’s a fine line between being a social pariah and being a disruptor. The difference usually lies in the intent.
Are you breaking the rule to help yourself at the expense of others? Or are you breaking it to create something better?
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How to Know When to Stop
If you find yourself constantly being told "you should not be doing that," it might be time for some self-reflection. It’s easy to play the victim and say people are just "haters" or "don't get it." But usually, social feedback is a mirror.
Check your gut. If you feel a sense of dread or need to hide what you're doing, that’s your internal "You Should Not Be Doing That" alarm.
Pay attention to it.
I've talked to plenty of career coaches who see people sabotage their own success because they can't help but cross lines. They overshare in meetings. They vent about their boss on LinkedIn. They take "creative liberties" with company funds. It starts small. It always does. But the compounding effect of these minor "shouldn'ts" is what eventually leads to a major "can't."
Practical Steps to Get Back on Track
So, how do we stop doing the things we know we shouldn't? It's not about willpower. Willpower is a finite resource. It's about systems.
- Identify the Trigger. Most of the time, we do things we shouldn't when we're Bored, Anxious, Angry, or Lonely. (The HALT acronym: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). If you're about to send that "You up?" text or buy something you can't afford, check your emotional state first.
- The 10-Minute Rule. If you feel the urge to do something impulsive that you know is a bad idea, tell yourself you can do it in 10 minutes. Usually, the peak of the urge passes by then.
- Find a "Truth-Teller." We all need that one friend who isn't afraid to look us in the eye and say, "Hey, you should not be doing that." Not someone who judges you, but someone who cares enough to stop you from driving off a cliff.
- Audit Your "Rules." Take a look at the things you think you "should" or "shouldn't" do. Are they helping you? Or are they just lingering expectations from your parents or a toxic job? Some rules are meant to be broken. Knowing the difference is what we call wisdom.
Ultimately, navigating the world of "you should not be doing that" is about balance. It's about respecting the social fabric that keeps us safe while having the guts to challenge the status quo when it matters. Just... maybe don't microwave the fish. Seriously.
To move forward effectively, start by auditing your daily habits for "micro-transgressions" that drain your energy or reputation. Pick one behavior you know you shouldn't be doing—whether it's checking emails at dinner or procrastinating on a specific task—and commit to the 10-minute rule for one week. Real change happens in those small, disciplined pauses where you choose the long-term gain over the short-term impulse.