Books for middle schoolers usually follow a predictable rhythm. You’ve got the outcast, the misunderstood kid, maybe a bit of magic or a high-stakes adventure at the local mall. But then you pick up You Don’t Know Everything Jilly P by Alex Gino, and honestly, things get real fast. It isn’t just a story about growing up. It’s a bit of a wake-up call wrapped in a 240-page package.
Gino, who wrote the groundbreaking Melissa (formerly published as George), doesn't hold back here.
People think they know how to be "good." Jilly P—Jilly Pirillo—thinks so too. She’s a white girl living in a world that feels comfortable until her sister, Emma, is born deaf. That’s the spark. But the fire? That comes from Jilly’s realization that she doesn't actually understand the struggles of people who aren't like her. It's awkward. It's messy. It’s exactly what being twelve feels like when you realize the world is way bigger than your own backyard.
The Reality of Jilly Pirillo’s Learning Curve
Jilly is a big fan of a fantasy series called Magical Prophecies. It’s her escape. On a fan forum, she meets Derek, a Black boy who is also Deaf. Through their chat messages, the core of the book starts to breathe. Jilly wants to be a "good ally." She wants to say the right things. But she messes up.
A lot.
The book captures those cringeworthy moments where someone tries to be supportive but ends up being condescending or flat-out wrong. For instance, Jilly makes assumptions about Derek’s life and his preferences regarding sign language versus oralism. She thinks she’s helping. She isn't.
It’s painful to read sometimes. You’ll see Jilly say something that makes you want to hide under your covers. But that’s the point. Alex Gino is teaching readers—and let’s be real, the adults reading over their kids' shoulders—that being a "nice person" isn't the same as being an informed one.
Why Deaf Culture and Racism Collide in This Narrative
Most books for this age group pick one "issue" and stick to it. Not this one. You Don’t Know Everything Jilly P explores the intersection of disability and race in a way that feels organic rather than like a checklist.
Derek doesn’t just face barriers because he is Deaf. He faces them because he is a Black Deaf boy. The stakes are higher for him. Jilly’s family, while well-meaning, often demonstrates "white fragility" without even realizing it. They get defensive. They shut down.
There’s a specific scene involving Jilly’s aunt that highlights how racism can be quiet and insidious. It isn't always someone shouting slurs; sometimes it's just the refusal to see someone else’s humanity because it makes you uncomfortable. Jilly sees this, and for the first time, she can't unsee it.
The book draws a clear line between Jilly’s sister Emma, who is white and Deaf, and Derek. Their experiences will never be identical. The medical community’s push for Emma to get cochlear implants and "act hearing" is a major plot point that dives into the controversy within the Deaf community. It challenges the idea that being "fixed" is the goal.
The Chat Room Dynamic
The structure of the book is clever. It uses forum posts and direct messages. This mirrors how kids actually communicate today. It also allows for a level of honesty that Jilly might not have in person.
Online, Jilly can ask the "stupid" questions. Derek can take his time to answer—or decide he doesn't owe her an explanation at all. That’s a huge lesson in the book: the marginalized person isn't responsible for your education. Derek is just a kid who likes fantasy novels. He isn't a walking encyclopedia for Jilly’s growth.
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Breaking the "Nice Girl" Trope
Jilly is a "nice girl." She follows the rules. She loves her family. But "nice" is a shield.
Throughout the story, Gino dismantles the idea that being "nice" exemptes you from participating in systemic harm. When Jilly stands up to her family about their microaggressions, she risks the peace of the dinner table. It’s scary. Kids relate to that fear of "making a scene."
We see Jilly struggle with the realization that her parents aren't perfect. They are biased. They are stubborn. Watching a child realize their parents are flawed is a universal rite of passage, but here, it’s tied specifically to social justice.
Critical Reception and Real-World Impact
Since its release, the book has been a staple in classrooms, but it hasn't been without its critics. Some argue that the themes are "too heavy" for middle grade. Others, specifically within the Deaf community, have pointed out that while Gino (who is hearing) did significant research, no single book can represent the entirety of the Deaf experience.
However, the consensus among educators is that You Don’t Know Everything Jilly P is an essential tool for starting conversations. It doesn't provide a happy ending where all racism and ableism disappear. Instead, it ends with Jilly committed to doing the work.
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It’s an open-ended conclusion. It’s honest.
Actionable Steps for Readers and Parents
If you’re reading this book with a child or using it in a curriculum, don't just finish the last page and put it on the shelf. The book is designed to be a starting point.
- Research Deaf Culture: Look into the history of ASL (American Sign Language) and the difference between the "medical model" of deafness and the "cultural model."
- Discuss Microaggressions: Ask your child if they’ve ever seen a "Jilly moment" in real life. How did they react? How would they react now?
- Audit Your Bookshelf: Does Jilly P represent the only diverse voice on the shelf? Look for "Own Voices" stories written by Black Deaf authors or creators to provide a broader perspective.
- Acknowledge the Discomfort: It’s okay if the book makes you feel defensive. That’s the "Jilly" in you. Lean into it. Use that feeling to figure out where your own blind spots might be.
Understanding that you don't know everything is the first step toward actually knowing something. Jilly Pirillo had to learn it the hard way, but her story makes the path a little clearer for the rest of us.