It started with a chicken bone. Or, more accurately, a sister’s comment over a Thanksgiving dinner that probably featured one. Delorse, Shonda Rhimes’ older sister, muttered six words that would eventually spawn a New York Times bestseller and a global movement: "You never say yes to anything."
Imagine being the most powerful woman in television. You’ve created Grey’s Anatomy. You’ve made Scandal a household name. You own Thursday nights. Yet, behind the scenes, you’re so terrified of the public eye that you’d rather fake your own death than sit on Jimmy Kimmel’s couch. That was the reality of the Year of Yes Shonda Rhimes embarked upon in 2013. It wasn't just a "self-help" gimmick. Honestly, it was a desperate act of self-preservation by a woman who was "itchy on the inside of her brain" from unhappiness.
Most people think this was a year of saying "yes" to parties and fancy invites. It wasn't. Well, it was—but that was the easy part. The real work was the "yes" she had to say to the things that made her heart race and her mouth go dry.
The Year of Yes Shonda Rhimes: Why "Yes" is Actually About "No"
There’s a massive misconception that Shonda just became a "yes-man" like that Jim Carrey movie. Not even close. One of the most radical parts of her journey was actually learning how to say "no" to the wrong things so she could say "yes" to herself.
She had to say yes to difficult conversations. She had to say yes to culling toxic people from her life. In her book, she talks about how she used to rewrite people in her head, making them into the supportive friends she wanted them to be instead of seeing them for who they actually were. Saying yes to the truth meant realizing some of those people didn't belong in her "Ride or Die" circle anymore.
Then there was the weight. Shonda lost 127 pounds during this era. But she didn't just "go on a diet." She had to say yes to her health, which meant saying no to the emotional eating that acted as a shield against her anxiety.
💡 You might also like: Finding Obituaries in Kalamazoo MI: Where to Look When the News Moves Online
Standing in the Sun (and on Stage)
The "Year of Yes" wasn't a quiet, internal shift. It was loud. It was public. It was the Dartmouth Commencement speech in 2014.
Before the experiment, Shonda was a "walking panic attack." She describes herself as a "pantry-dweller"—the person who hides in the kitchen at parties to avoid talking to anyone. By forcing herself to say yes to the very things that induced that panic, she discovered something wild: the fear doesn't actually kill you.
- The Jimmy Kimmel Moment: She was terrified. She did it anyway. She didn't die.
- The Kennedy Center Honors: She sat in the presidential box with the Obamas. If she'd said no out of fear, she would have missed a core memory of her life.
- The "Thank You" Challenge: This is a big one for women. Shonda realized she couldn't take a compliment. She’d deflect, minimize, or credit "luck." Part of her year was saying yes to her own badassery. Just saying "Thank you" and smiling. No explanations. No self-deprecation.
The "Hum" and Why It Stopped
If you’ve read the book or watched her 2016 TED Talk, you know about "the hum." For Shonda, the hum is that feeling when the work is good—the buzz of productivity, the rush of creating a world.
But here’s the scary part: she lost it.
She was overworked. She was a "single working titan" doing 15-hour days. She was burned out. The hum stopped. And she realized that all the success in the world—the Emmys, the fame, the money—couldn't fix a broken spirit.
📖 Related: Finding MAC Cool Toned Lipsticks That Don’t Turn Orange on You
How did she get it back? By saying yes to play.
She made a rule. If her daughters asked her to play, she had to say yes. No matter what. Even if she was on her way to a big meeting or exhausted from a shoot. She’d drop everything for 15 minutes of "Everybody Poops" or imaginary tea parties. That connection—that intentional presence—was what eventually restarted the hum. It saved her career by reminding her why she was working so hard in the first place.
E-E-A-T: Is the "Year of Yes" Still Relevant in 2026?
We’re over a decade out from the start of her experiment, and Shonda recently released a 10th-anniversary edition of the book. Why does it still land? Because the "F.O.D." (First, Only, Different) pressure she describes hasn't gone away.
As a Black woman in rooms where no one else looked like her, the stakes were always higher. She felt she had to be perfect. The Year of Yes Shonda Rhimes documented wasn't just about personal growth; it was about the political act of taking up space.
Critics sometimes point out that it’s easier to say "yes" when you’re a millionaire with a nanny. That’s fair. Shonda acknowledges her privilege. But social anxiety doesn't care about your bank account. Heartbreak doesn't care about your IMDb credits. The fundamental human struggle of "hiding vs. being seen" is universal.
👉 See also: Finding Another Word for Calamity: Why Precision Matters When Everything Goes Wrong
Actionable Takeaways from the Shondaland Playbook
You don't need to give a speech at Dartmouth to have your own year of yes. Honestly, you probably shouldn't try to do "everything" at once. Start small.
- Identify your "pantry." Where do you hide? Is it behind a screen? Is it by staying quiet in meetings? Pinpoint the specific "no" that is keeping you safe but miserable.
- The 15-Minute Play Rule. Whatever "play" looks like for you—reading, a hobby, wrestling with your dog—commit to saying yes when the opportunity arises, even for just a few minutes.
- Ditch the "Luck" Narrative. Stop saying you're lucky. You're hard-working. You're talented. When someone compliments you this week, just say "Thank you." Don't add a "but."
- Audit your "Ride or Dies." Say yes to the truth about your relationships. If someone makes you feel small, they aren't your people.
- Face one "Kimmel" task. What is the one thing that makes you want to fake your own death? Do it. Just once. See if you survive (spoiler: you will).
Shonda Rhimes isn't the same person who wrote that book in 2015. She’s moved to Netflix, created Bridgerton, and learned to play golf. She’s even learned when to say "no" again. But the core lesson remains: your life gets as big or as small as your "yes" allows it to be.
If you're feeling stuck, maybe it's time to stop dreaming and start doing. Because as Shonda says, dreams are lovely, but they're ephemeral. Hard work and a little bit of "yes" are what actually change the world.
To start your own version of this journey, pick one thing today that scares you—something small, like sending an email or signing up for a class—and just say the word.
Next Steps for You:
If you want to apply the "Year of Yes" philosophy to your career, I can help you draft a "Year of Yes" professional audit. We can look at the specific opportunities you've been declining and draft scripts for saying "yes" to higher-visibility projects or "no" to tasks that cause burnout.