Writing a Same Sex Wedding Script That Doesn't Feel Like a Template

Finding a same sex wedding script that actually feels like you is harder than it looks. Most people start by Googling "gay wedding vows" and end up looking at stiff, overly formal text that feels like it was written for a 1950s court proceeding. It’s annoying. You want something that honors the gravity of the moment without ignoring the fact that, for many queer couples, the path to the altar wasn't exactly a straight line—literally or figuratively.

The truth is, wedding scripts have been gendered for so long that the "standard" flow often feels clunky. You’ve got the traditional "dearly beloved" and the "man and wife" bit, which obviously doesn't work. But just swapping "husband" for "husband" or "wife" for "wife" often misses the nuance of a relationship that has likely already defied a few societal expectations.

Why the Opening Matters More Than You Think

The convocation is where you set the vibe. Some couples want to address the "elephant in the room"—the fact that, not so long ago, this ceremony wouldn't have been legal in many places. Others just want to talk about their cats. Both are valid.

If you’re looking for a same sex wedding script that feels authentic, you’ve gotta decide early on if you’re going for a "political is personal" vibe or a "we’re just two people in love" vibe. Honestly, most couples land somewhere in the middle. You might want to acknowledge the community that supported you. Mentioning the friends who became family—the "chosen family" concept—is a staple in LGBTQ+ ceremonies for a reason. It’s real.

Let’s look at a quick example of a welcoming statement that feels grounded:
"We are here to celebrate a love that has already proven its strength. [Name] and [Name] didn't just stumble into this; they chose it, fought for it, and built it." It’s short. It’s punchy. It avoids the "in today's landscape" fluff.

Rethinking the Processional and "Giving Away"

Tradition says the father walks the daughter down the aisle. In a same-sex ceremony, that logic usually goes out the window.

Some couples walk in together, hand-in-hand. It’s a powerful visual of equality. Others have two aisles and enter simultaneously. If you’re writing your own same sex wedding script, you need to write instructions for these movements too, not just the words spoken. Don't feel pressured to have a "hand-off." You aren't property.

You might use a "Declaration of Support" instead of the traditional "Who gives this woman?" This is where the officiant asks the entire guest list: "Do you, the family and friends, promise to support this couple?" Everyone yells "We do!" or "Hell yes!" (if your crowd is cool like that). It turns a patriarchal hand-off into a community-wide hug.

Breaking Down the Vows

Vows are the meat of the thing. They're also where people get the most stressed.

I’ve seen scripts that try to be way too poetic and end up sounding like a bad Hallmark card. Don't do that. Just talk. If you’re the type of couple that bickers over whose turn it is to do the dishes, put that in there. "I promise to love you even when you leave your wet towel on the bed for the fourth time this week." That’s real.

But you also want the heavy stuff. For many in the LGBTQ+ community, marriage is a choice made with eyes wide open to the world’s complexities. Your same sex wedding script can reflect that. You can promise to be a "safe harbor" or a "partner in revolution."

• Keep it under two minutes per person.
• Write it down on a card—don't trust your brain to work while you're crying.
• Mix the humor with the heart.
• Avoid cliches like "soulmate" unless you really, truly feel it.

The Ring Exchange and the Words You Use

"With this ring, I marry you." Simple. Classic.

But maybe you want something else. Some couples use the ring exchange to talk about the circle—no beginning, no end, etc. It’s a bit cliché, but hey, it’s a wedding. If you want a more modern take for your same sex wedding script, focus on the ring as a "visible sign of an invisible bond."

There’s also the "Pronouncement." This is the "I now pronounce you..." part.
"Partners for life."
"Married."
"Husbands/Wives."
Choose the one that fits your identity. "Spouses" feels a bit clinical to some, but very egalitarian to others. "Legally married" is a bit of a flex, and honestly, after everything, maybe you want that flex.

Handling the Religious (or Non-Religious) Angle

This is where it gets tricky. Many queer couples have complicated relationships with religion. Some want a purely secular same sex wedding script. Others want to reclaim the faith they were raised in.

If you’re working with a religious officiant, make sure they are actually on board with your wording. There’s nothing worse than a ceremony where the minister feels like they’re holding back. If you’re going secular, lean into philosophy or poetry. Mary Oliver is a favorite for a reason—her work is earthy and inclusive. "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

That hits different at a wedding.

Real-World Logistics You’ll Forget

You’re going to be nervous. Your officiant is basically your stage manager.

Make sure the script includes "stage directions." (Wait for guests to sit). (Pause for laughter). (Name hands bouquet to Maid of Honor). If these aren't in the physical script, things get awkward fast.

Also, think about the "The Kiss." People always ask: "When do we do it?" Usually, it's after the pronouncement. But in your same sex wedding script, you can decide. Some couples kiss after the vows, then again at the end. It’s your party.

The Legal Stuff vs. The Emotional Stuff

In most jurisdictions, the officiant has to say a few specific things for the marriage to be legal. Usually, it's the "I do's" (the Intent) and the Pronouncement. Everything else is just "the show."

Don't let the legal requirements bog down the emotional flow. You can get the "I do's" out of the way early or save them for the big climax. Just ensure your officiant knows the local laws so you’re actually, you know, married when the sun goes down.

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A Sample Outline for Your Script

If you're staring at a blank page, here’s a rough flow that works well for modern same-sex ceremonies:

1. The Processional: Music plays, you walk in. Maybe together.
2. The Welcome: Officiant says hi, acknowledges the importance of the day.
3. The Reading: A poem, a song lyric, or a short story about your relationship.
4. The Intent: The "Will you take this person..." part.
5. The Vows: The personal stuff you wrote.
6. The Rings: Exchange of jewelry and promises.
7. The Pronouncement: The big moment.
8. The Kiss: Self-explanatory.
9. The Recessional: You walk out to a high-energy song.

What to Avoid at All Costs

Stay away from "Same-Sex Marriage" as a phrase in the actual script. It sounds like a legal brief. Just call it "Marriage." You aren't having a "same-sex wedding"; you're having a wedding.

Avoid gendered language in the general address unless you specifically want it. Instead of "Ladies and Gentlemen," try "Friends and Family" or "Everyone." It's more inclusive of your guests, some of whom might not fit into those binary boxes anyway.

Actionable Steps for Finalizing Your Script

• Read it out loud. This is the gold standard. If you trip over a sentence while sitting on your couch, you will definitely trip over it in front of 100 people.
• Time it. Aim for 20 to 30 minutes total. Anything longer and people start looking at the bar.
• Print it in a large font. 14pt or 16pt. The lighting at altars is notoriously dim.
• Coordinate with the photographer. If there’s a specific part of the script where you’re doing something visual (like a sand ceremony or a handfasting), let them know so they get the angle.
• Give a copy to a "backup" person. Give the Best Man or Maid of Honor a physical copy of the script in case the officiant forgets theirs or the tablet dies.

Building a same sex wedding script is really just about storytelling. You're telling the story of how you got here and where you're going. Keep it honest, keep it relatively brief, and don't be afraid to break the rules that don't make sense for you. The best ceremonies are the ones where the guests walk away saying, "That was so them."

Check your local county clerk's office for specific "words of intent" required in your state. Ensure your officiant's credentials are filed before the ceremony date. Prepare a "signing table" with a good pen for the license immediately following the recessional.