You’re staring at the calendar. It’s May. Usually, this day is about your own mom, or maybe your mother-in-law, or that aunt who basically raised you. But this year, there’s a literal person growing inside you, or perhaps you're deep in the grueling, hopeful process of adoption. Suddenly, the phrase happy mother's day mom to be isn't just a cute caption you saw on a Hallmark card. It’s your reality.
It feels weird, right? A little bit like you’re crashing a party you haven’t officially been invited to yet.
There is this strange cultural limbo where we don't always know how to treat the "pre-mom" phase. Some people think you should wait until the baby is actually screaming in a crib to celebrate. Others are ready to shower you with flowers the second that second line appears on the plastic stick. Honestly, both perspectives have their merits, but if you’re the one currently dealing with morning sickness or decorating a nursery, you're already doing the work. You are already a mother in the ways that matter most: sacrifice, planning, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility for a life that isn't even fully here yet.
The Science of Why You’re Already a Mom
Let’s get nerdy for a second. We tend to think motherhood starts at birth, but neurobiology says otherwise. Research published in journals like Nature Neuroscience has shown that pregnancy actually "remodels" the female brain. We’re talking about significant reductions in gray matter in regions associated with social cognition.
Wait, reduction? That sounds bad. It’s not.
It’s actually a "pruning" process, similar to what happens during adolescence, which makes the brain more efficient at understanding your baby’s needs and identifying threats in the environment. Your brain is literally rewiring itself to become a mother months before you ever hit the delivery room. So, when someone says happy mother's day mom to be, they aren't just being polite. They are acknowledging a physiological transformation that is already well underway.
This isn't just about hormones like oxytocin—though those are definitely invited to the party. It’s about a total shift in identity.
Expecting the Unexpected: The Emotional Weight of the Day
For many, Mother's Day is a breeze. Brunch, mimosas (virgin for you, obviously), and some nice hanging baskets. But for an expecting mother, the day can be heavy.
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Maybe you’ve had a long road to get here. If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss or struggled with infertility, this first "official" recognition can feel fragile. You might be holding your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s okay to feel a mix of intense gratitude and absolute terror. You don't have to be a glowing, serene goddess of fertility 24/7. Most moms-to-be I know are mostly just tired and wondering if they can eat soft cheese yet. (Check with your doctor, but usually, if it's pasteurized, you're golden).
The "to-be" part of the title is a transition. You’re in the hallway between your old life and your new one.
I remember talking to a friend who was eight months pregnant on Mother's Day. She felt like a "fraud" celebrating it. She hadn't changed a diaper yet. She hadn't stayed up for 48 hours straight. But then she realized she’d spent the last thirty weeks monitoring every bite of food, attending endless appointments, and managing the physical toll of creating a human skeleton from scratch.
If that isn't mothering, what is?
How to Actually Celebrate a Happy Mother's Day Mom to Be
If you are the partner, friend, or parent of an expecting mom, don't overthink this. You don't need to buy a "World's Best Mom" mug just yet.
Actually, maybe avoid the mug. She has enough dishes.
The best way to acknowledge an happy mother's day mom to be is to focus on comfort and recognition. Here’s what actually works:
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- Acknowledgment of the physical struggle. Acknowledge that she’s tired. A pregnancy pillow or a gift card for a prenatal massage (check that the spa has a certified therapist!) goes a lot further than a bouquet that will die in four days.
- The "Non-Baby" Gift. Sometimes, the best way to celebrate a mom-to-be is to remind her she’s still a person. A book by her favorite author or a nice pair of noise-canceling headphones for those final quiet afternoons.
- Validation. A simple card that says, "I see how hard you're working to get ready for this baby," can move mountains.
There’s a trend lately toward "Baby Showers" being the only time we celebrate the mother, but those are usually focused on the baby's needs. Clothes, wipes, strollers. Mother’s Day is the one day where the focus should be squarely on her.
Dealing with the "Not Quite There" Feelings
What if you don't feel like a mom yet?
That’s actually incredibly common. Some women don't feel that "instant bond" until the baby is a few months old, let alone while they’re still pregnant. If you’re sitting at a Mother's Day lunch feeling like an observer rather than a participant, don't panic. You aren't "broken," and you aren't going to be a bad parent.
The bond is a slow burn for some. For others, it’s a lightning strike.
Dr. Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, often talks about "mindsight" and the importance of reflection in parenting. The fact that you’re even thinking about your role and how you fit into this holiday shows you’re already developing the reflective capacity needed for raising a child.
The Logistics of the Transition
Let's get practical for a minute. If you're expecting, your life is currently a checklist of car seats, pediatricians, and insurance calls.
Using Mother's Day as a "reset" point is a smart move. Instead of just another day of chores, use it as the official start of your "nesting" finale or, better yet, the day you stop doing chores entirely.
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If you're in the second trimester, you might actually have some energy. This is the "sweet spot" for a celebratory dinner. If you're in the third trimester, you probably just want a foot rub and a nap. Listen to your body. If the family wants a big blowout brunch and you just want to stay in your pajamas, stay in your pajamas. Part of being a mom is learning to set boundaries, and there’s no better time to start than now.
A Note on Different Paths to Motherhood
We have to talk about the fact that "expecting" doesn't always mean "pregnant."
For mothers waiting on an adoption placement or a surrogate, Mother's Day can be particularly bittersweet. You are expecting. You are waiting. You are preparing your heart and your home. The emotional labor involved in these paths is astronomical. If you know someone in this position, saying happy mother's day mom to be is a powerful way to validate their journey. It acknowledges that their motherhood isn't dependent on a biological clock, but on the commitment they’ve already made.
Taking the Next Steps
As the day approaches, take a beat to realize how much has changed since last year. You’re different. Your brain is different. Your future is completely rewritten.
Don't let the commercialism of the holiday get under your skin. Whether you get a pile of gifts or just a quiet "happy mother's day" from your partner, the day is a milestone. It marks the last time you’ll ever "just" be you. From here on out, you’re part of a lineage.
Practical things to do this week:
- Schedule the "Me" Time: If you’re expecting, book something for Mother's Day weekend that is 100% for you. Not for the baby. For you. A movie, a long walk, or that specific takeout you’ve been craving.
- Audit Your Expectations: Talk to your partner or family. If you want the day acknowledged, tell them. People aren't mind readers, and some might be hesitant to celebrate "too early." Give them the green light.
- Document the Moment: Take a photo of yourself. Not a "bump progress" photo, but just a photo of you being you. You’ll want to look back on who you were right before the whirlwind started.
- Connect with Other Moms: Reach out to a friend who is a few steps ahead of you in the parenting journey. Ask them how they felt during their first Mother's Day as an "expecting" mom. You’ll find you’re in very good company.
Motherhood is a marathon that starts long before the starting gun goes off at the hospital. You've been running for months. You deserve the water break.