So, your wife loves to peg. Maybe it was a subtle suggestion during a late-night conversation, or perhaps she just came out and said it. For a lot of guys, this triggers a whirlwind of internal questions. Is it "normal"? Does it change how she sees me? Am I still the man in this house? Honestly, take a breath. It’s a lot more common than the hushed whispers of the 1950s would have you believe. In fact, sex educators like Dr. Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, have been shouting from the rooftops for years that this isn't about "roles" in the traditional, rigid sense. It’s about sensation. Pure and simple.
The reality is that we’re living in an era where the old-school scripts of who does what in the bedroom are finally hitting the shredder. If she's into this, it usually doesn't mean she wants to take over your life or that she thinks you’re less masculine. It usually means she’s curious, she trusts you, and she wants to explore a literal "G-spot" that men happen to possess: the prostate.
The anatomy of why she’s interested
Let's get technical for a second. The prostate is often called the "male G-spot" for a very good reason. It is a walnut-sized gland located about two to three inches inside the rectum, toward the front of the body. When stimulated correctly, it can produce orgasms that feel fundamentally different from a standard ejaculation—deeper, longer, and more intense. When a wife loves to peg, she isn't necessarily making a political statement about gender. She might just want to be the one to give you that specific kind of pleasure.
Think about it from her perspective. It’s incredibly empowering to see your partner lose control in a good way. She gets to take the lead. She gets to watch you react to a sensation you can't quite replicate on your own. It’s a different kind of intimacy. Most men are taught to be the "givers" or the "doers." When you flip that script, it opens up a level of vulnerability that can actually make a marriage feel way tighter. You're trusting her with something huge. That trust is an aphrodisiac for many women.
Breaking the stigma of the strap-on
There is this lingering, annoying myth that if a man enjoys anal play, it somehow dictates his sexual orientation. That is scientifically and logically incorrect. Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to; sexual acts are about what feels good to your body. If a man is having sex with his wife, he is having heterosexual sex. Period.
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Dr. Charlie Glickman, a renowned sexologist, often discusses how shame acts as a barrier to pleasure. When a couple moves past the "is this gay?" hurdle, they often find that their sex life explodes in variety. It’s not just about the act itself; it’s about the freedom to try things without judgment. If she's the one bringing it up, she’s essentially saying she feels safe enough with you to be weird, bold, and adventurous. That's a compliment, really.
Communication is the real engine here
You can't just jump into this without a game plan. Well, you could, but it probably wouldn't be very fun for either of you. If your wife loves to peg, or even if she's just "pegging-curious," the first step is always a conversation that doesn't happen while you're actually in bed. Talk about it over coffee. Or on a walk.
- Set the boundaries. What's the "safeword"?
- Talk about the gear. Silicone? Cyberleather? There are a million options.
- Hygiene matters. It's the elephant in the room, so just talk about it. Showering together beforehand can be a great way to handle the "cleanliness" anxiety while staying in the mood.
- The "Why." Ask her what she likes about it. Is it the power dynamic? The visual? The rhythm? Knowing her "why" helps you lean into the experience.
It’s also okay to be nervous. Seriously. Most guys are. You're trying something new that involves a very sensitive part of your body. If you’re feeling hesitant, tell her. A good partner will want to go at your pace. Start small. Maybe it’s just digital (fingers) play first. Maybe it’s just her holding the harness while you use a toy on yourself. There’s no rush to win a "pegging marathon" on night one.
The gear shift: Picking the right tools
Choosing equipment shouldn't feel like buying a used car, but it does require some research. If she’s the one driving, she needs to feel comfortable in the harness. A floppy or poorly fitted harness makes the whole thing clumsy and unsexy. Look for brands that prioritize "no-swing" designs.
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For the actual toy, material is king. Non-porous silicone is the gold standard because it’s easy to clean and holds heat well. Don't go for the biggest thing you see. That’s a rookie mistake. Start with something slim and tapered. Remember: the goal is pleasure, not a feat of endurance. Lube is also non-negotiable. And not just a little bit. Use more than you think you need. Since the rectum doesn't produce its own lubrication, you have to bring your own. Thick, water-based lubes or high-quality silicone-based ones (if the toy is compatible) are your best friends here.
Handling the "After-Action" feelings
Sometimes, after the adrenaline wears off, people feel a bit of "vulnerability hangover." This is totally normal. You might feel a bit exposed or even a little embarrassed the next morning. This is where "aftercare" comes in. Spend some time cuddling. Talk about something totally unrelated. Reaffirm that you’re still the same couple you were yesterday—just a couple that happened to have a really interesting Tuesday night.
If your wife loves to peg, it might become a regular part of the rotation, or it might be a "once every few months" kind of thing. Both are fine. The key is that it remains a shared adventure rather than a chore or a source of tension.
Common misconceptions to ignore
- It’s about being "submissive." Not necessarily. While some people love the power exchange, for others, it’s just a physical sensation. You can be a "dominant" personality in every other aspect of your life and still enjoy the physical release of prostate stimulation.
- It will hurt. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. Slow down. More lube. More relaxation. It should feel like pressure or fullness, but never sharp pain.
- It changes the marriage dynamic. Only if you let it. Most couples find that being this honest about their desires actually makes the marriage stronger because the "secret" is out.
Actionable steps for the curious couple
If you're ready to explore this, don't overthink it. Start by educating yourselves together. Watch a reputable educational video or read a book like The Joy of Sex or The Sex Bible. This normalizes the act and removes the "taboo" layer.
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Next, go shopping together—online or in person. Choosing the harness and toy as a team makes it a shared project rather than something she's "doing to you." It builds anticipation.
Prioritize relaxation. Use a warm bath or a massage to get into the right headspace. Tension in the body makes any kind of anal play difficult. The more relaxed you are, the better it feels.
Finally, keep the feedback loop open. If something feels amazing, moan. If something feels "meh," say so. If you need a break, take one. The best sex happens when both people feel completely empowered to speak up in the moment. Embracing this side of your sexuality isn't about losing anything; it's about gaining a whole new map of pleasure you didn't know existed.