We all have that one photo. You know the one—your mom is looking away, you’re squinting because the sun is too bright, and the framing is kind of a mess. It’s objectively a "bad" picture. But you keep it. You keep it because it’s real. Taking a selfie with your mom isn’t just about the aesthetics of your Instagram grid or getting a few likes from distant cousins. Honestly, it’s about documentation. It’s about proving you were there, in that specific moment, together.
Moments are fleeting. That sounds like a greeting card cliché, but it’s the truth. We spend so much time taking photos of our food, our outfits, or the sunset, yet we often forget to turn the camera around when we’re sitting right next to the person who literally gave us life.
The psychology of the lens
Why do we hesitate? Often, it’s because moms can be self-critical. They’ll say, "Oh, don't take a picture of me today, my hair is a mess," or "I look tired." But here is the thing: nobody looks back at a photo from twenty years ago and thinks, Wow, I wish Mom had more concealer on. They think about the light in her eyes or the way she was laughing right before the shutter clicked.
According to Dr. Linda Henkel, a psychologist at Fairfield University, there is something called the "photo-taking impairment effect." Basically, if we rely on the camera too much, we might not remember the event as well. However, when we actively engage with the subject—like when you’re laughing and posing for a selfie with your mom—the experience becomes more vibrant. You aren't just a passive observer. You're a participant.
It’s not about perfection
Social media has ruined our perception of what a good photo is. We think we need a ring light and a professional backdrop. We don't. Some of the most valuable photos in history are grainy, blurry, and poorly lit. Look at the archives of the Museum of Family Prayer or personal historical projects like The Sartorialist; the images that resonate are the ones that feel lived-in.
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If you're worried about how to start, just do it. Don't wait for a wedding or a graduation. Take it in the car. Take it while you’re both wearing pajamas and drinking coffee on a Tuesday morning. Those are the moments that actually make up a life.
Technical tips that don't feel "pro"
You don't need to be a photographer. But, if you want the photo to at least be clear enough to print later, keep a few things in mind. Lighting is everything. Seriously. If you’re indoors, face a window. That soft, natural light does wonders for everyone’s skin. If you’re outside, find some shade. Direct sunlight creates those harsh shadows under the eyes that nobody likes.
- Hold the phone slightly above eye level. It’s a classic trick for a reason—it’s flattering.
- Tell a joke right before you hit the button. A "fake" smile looks like a fake smile, but a genuine laugh is unmistakable.
- Clean your lens. Most people don't realize their phone camera is covered in fingerprints, which makes the photo look foggy.
The "Invisible Mom" syndrome
There’s a common phenomenon in family photography where the mother is always the one taking the pictures, so she’s never in them. Years go by, and the kids have thousands of photos of themselves, but very few of their mother. This is why the selfie with your mom is a small but radical act of inclusion. You are pulling her back into the frame. You are saying that her presence matters just as much as the event you’re documenting.
Think about the "Day in the Life" style of photography popular with creators like Casey Neistat. It’s the mundane stuff that becomes fascinating over time. The kitchen counters, the old wallpaper, the way she holds her phone—those details will eventually become precious.
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Overcoming the "I'm not photogenic" hurdle
If she’s really shy, try "candid" selfies. Don't make it a big production. Just lean in, snap a few quickly, and show her the best one. Or better yet, don't show her at all until later. Focus on the connection rather than the result. A 2018 study published in Human Communication Research found that sharing photos can actually strengthen interpersonal bonds. It creates a shared "media treasury" that you both own.
Why digital isn't enough
We have thousands of photos on our phones. Most of them will never be seen again. They’ll sit in the cloud until we run out of storage. If you take a great selfie with your mom, do the old-school thing: print it.
There is a tactile power in holding a physical photograph. Services like FreePrints or even the local CVS make this incredibly easy. A printed photo on the fridge is worth more than a thousand files on a hard drive. It becomes part of the environment. It becomes a daily reminder of a connection.
Dealing with the "Cool" factor
Sometimes, especially when we’re younger, we feel "too cool" to post photos with our parents. That’s a mistake. Trends change, "aesthetic" styles move on, but the bond with a parent is a constant. Looking back at old MySpace or early Instagram photos, the ones that hold up aren't the ones where we were trying to look edgy. They’re the ones with family.
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The long-term value
Let’s be real for a second. We don’t have forever. This isn't meant to be dark, just honest. Life is unpredictable. Having a library of photos—especially ones where you are both happy and together—is a gift you give to your future self.
I remember talking to a friend who lost her mother unexpectedly. She told me she had hundreds of photos of her mom, but only three of the two of them together. She would give anything for a messy, low-quality selfie with your mom taken on a random afternoon. That stuck with me.
Changing the narrative
We often view photography as a way to "show off" to others. Let's flip that. View it as a way to "save" moments for yourself. It’s a personal archive. It’s a visual diary.
When you take that photo, you aren't just capturing a face. You're capturing a relationship. You're capturing the way you felt at that age, and the way she looked at you. Those things are invisible, but somehow they show up in the pixels.
Actionable Steps for Your Next Photo
Stop waiting for the "perfect" time because it isn't coming. The house will always be messy, and someone will always have a blemish. Just grab your phone.
- The Window Trick: If you are inside, walk toward the brightest window. Stand facing it so the light hits your faces directly. It’s instant "beauty mode" without the fake filters.
- The Three-Second Rule: Don't overthink the pose. Just lean in, count to three, and take five photos in a row (burst mode is your friend). One of them will be the "real" one where you're both relaxed.
- The Physical Backup: Once a month, pick one photo you took with your family and print it. Put it in a frame, on the fridge, or in a physical album.
- The Capturing of the Mundane: Take a selfie while doing something boring. Grocery shopping, waiting at the dentist, or cooking dinner. These are the scenes of your real life.
- Label It: If you’re saving it digitally, add a caption or a tag with the date and location. Future you will thank current you for the context.
Taking a photo doesn't have to be a performance. It's just a way of saying "I'm glad we're here." So, next time you're together, pull out the phone. Don't ask for permission, just lean in and smile. You won't regret having the photo, but you might regret not taking it.