We’ve all seen it. Someone trips on a sidewalk, a coworker flubs a presentation, or a celebrity goes through a very public, messy divorce. There’s that tiny, involuntary spark in the brain. Maybe a smirk. A little giggle. It feels harmless, right?
Honestly, it’s not.
When you don't laugh at people's situations, you aren't just being "polite." You’re actually protecting your own cognitive flexibility and long-term social capital. There is a specific psychological term for finding joy in others' misery—schadenfreude—and while it’s a universal human emotion, letting it run wild is a recipe for personal stagnation. It’s a cheap high. Like eating a spoonful of white sugar, it gives you a rush of superiority that fades instantly, leaving you feeling smaller than before.
The Science of the Smirk
Why do we do it?
Researchers like Tiffany Watt Smith, author of Schadenfreude: The Joy of Another's Misfortune, suggest that this reaction often stems from our own insecurities. When we see someone else fail, our brain’s ventral striatum—the reward center—lights up. It’s a biological "phew, at least it’s not me" moment.
But here is the catch.
If you make it a habit to find humor in someone’s struggle, you’re training your brain to view life as a zero-sum game. You start believing that for you to win, others must lose. This is a toxic mindset for anyone trying to build a career or a meaningful life. Experts in emotional intelligence (EQ), such as Daniel Goleman, have long argued that empathy is the foundational skill for leadership. You can't lead people if you’re secretly laughing at their setbacks.
Think about a workplace. Imagine a developer pushes a bug that crashes the site. If the team laughs, that developer will never take a risk again. Innovation dies. If the team helps, the site gets fixed faster. It's basic math, yet we mess it up constantly because the ego wants that quick win.
Why Social Status Makes Us Mean
It gets weirder when we look at "downward social comparison."
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Leon Festinger’s social comparison theory explains that we constantly evaluate ourselves against others. If we feel "lower" than someone—maybe they are richer, more attractive, or more successful—seeing them fall feels like a cosmic balancing of the scales. This is why tabloid culture is a multi-billion dollar industry. We love seeing the "perfect" person have a breakdown.
But choosing to don't laugh at people's situations changes the dynamic entirely.
It breaks the cycle of comparison. When you stop mocking the "downward" fall of others, you stop fearing your own potential "downward" fall. You realize that a situation is just a moment in time, not a permanent identity.
I remember a story about a high-level executive who lost everything in the 2008 crash. People whispered. They joked about his "hubris." Ten years later, he was back on top, and the people who laughed were still in the same mid-level jobs, still gossiping. The laughers stayed static. The person in the "situation" moved on because they were busy doing the work, not watching the crowd.
Real World Impact: The "Cringe" Era
We live in the age of "cringe" content. TikTok and Reels are full of videos designed specifically for us to mock someone’s awkwardness.
It’s addictive.
But neurobiologically, constant exposure to "cringe" can desensitize us. We lose the ability to read subtle social cues because we’re too busy looking for the punchline. Social psychologist Dr. Sara Konrath has noted a decline in empathy among young adults over the last few decades, partially attributed to how we consume "fail" content online.
The Karma of Perspective
This isn't about some mystical force. It’s about reputation.
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In any community—gaming, business, or your local gym—people have long memories. They remember who laughed when they dropped the barbell. They remember who smirked when their startup failed.
If you want to be the person people turn to, you have to be the person who doesn't find the struggle funny. Resilience is built in the quiet moments of struggle. When you mock those moments, you’re basically mocking the process of growth itself.
It’s easy to be "nice" when things are going well. The real test of character—and the real SEO for your soul, if you will—is how you handle the "messy middle" of other people's lives.
Moving Beyond the Reflex
So, how do you stop? It’s a reflex, after all.
First, catch the "spark." When you feel that urge to joke about someone’s bad luck, pause. Ask yourself: What am I gaining from this? Usually, the answer is "a five-second ego boost."
Second, practice "benign envy" or "positive observation." Instead of looking for the flaw, look for the recovery. If someone fails, watch how they get back up. That’s the interesting part. The failure is boring; the comeback is where the data is.
Third, remember the "Spotlight Effect." We think everyone is watching our failures, but they aren’t. Most people are too wrapped up in their own heads. By not laughing at others, you contribute to a culture where it’s okay to be human. It lowers the stakes for everyone, including you.
Tactical Steps for Better Reactions
Don't just be a bystander. If you find yourself in a group where everyone is mocking someone's situation, you have a few moves:
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- The Pivot: Change the subject to something neutral.
- The Reality Check: Say something like, "Man, that could happen to anyone." It kills the humor instantly because it introduces the threat of shared vulnerability.
- The Silence: You don't have to scold people. Just don't join in. Silence is a very loud way to signal that the joke isn't landing.
Why This Matters in 2026 and Beyond
In an increasingly polarized world, empathy is becoming a rare commodity. We are segmented into "us" and "them." Mocking "them" feels like a tribal victory.
But the most successful people—the ones who actually move the needle in technology, art, and community—are almost always the ones who build bridges. They understand that today’s "unfortunate situation" is tomorrow’s "valuable lesson."
If you can learn to look at someone’s struggle with curiosity instead of contempt, you’re already ahead of 90% of the population. You’ll see patterns they miss. You’ll understand human behavior on a deeper level. You’ll become the person people trust with their big ideas because they know you won't laugh if those ideas initially flop.
What to Do Instead of Mocking
Instead of looking for the laugh, look for the "why."
Why did that person make that mistake? What system failed them? What can I learn so I don't repeat it? This turns a moment of schadenfreude into a moment of education.
It’s a much better use of your brainpower.
Actionable Insights to Master Your Response:
- Audit your feed. If you follow "fail" accounts or "cringe" creators, unfollow them for a week. See how your internal monologue changes. You'll likely find yourself being less critical of your own mistakes too.
- Develop a "Standard Response." When someone shares a misfortune, have a go-to phrase that isn't pitying but is supportive. "That sounds like a tough spot, how are you handling it?" is better than "Oh man, that sucks (lol)."
- Humanize the victim. If you’re tempted to laugh at a stranger, remind yourself of one mundane fact about them. They probably have a favorite cereal. They might have a dog that loves them. It’s harder to mock a person than a "situation."
- Analyze your triggers. Notice who you want to laugh at. Is it people you're jealous of? People you find annoying? Understanding your triggers tells you more about your own psychological gaps than it does about their "situation."
By choosing to don't laugh at people's situations, you are opting into a higher level of social and emotional intelligence. You are choosing to be an observer and a helper rather than a critic from the sidelines. It’s a quieter way to live, but it’s infinitely more rewarding. You’ll build deeper bonds, feel less anxious about your own imperfections, and frankly, you’ll just be a better person to be around.
Stop the smirk. Start the support. It’s a better look on everyone.