Shonda Rhimes was miserable. It sounds ridiculous, right? She was the queen of ABC, the woman behind Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal, a literal titan of industry with a private plane at her beck and call and more power than almost anyone in Hollywood. But she was also a "nodder." She’d stand on red carpets, nod, smile, and internally scream because she just wanted to be home with a book. She was a world-class introvert hiding in the body of a global mogul. Then, her sister Delorse said six words over Thanksgiving dinner that changed everything: "You never say yes to anything."
That’s the spark. That’s how the Year of Yes book came to be. It wasn't some corporate branding exercise or a calculated move to sell more scripts. It was a desperate attempt by a woman who realized she was successful but completely stagnant.
The "Year of Yes" Book is Not a Productivity Manual
Most people hear the title and think it’s about being a "girlboss" or hustling until you drop. Honestly, it’s the exact opposite. Shonda didn't need to do more work. She was already doing the work of five people. The book is actually about the terrifying vulnerability of showing up.
When Rhimes committed to saying "yes" for one year, she wasn't just saying yes to gala invites. She was saying yes to the things that made her want to vomit from anxiety. Like appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! or giving the commencement speech at Dartmouth. Before this experiment, she was the master of the "no." She used her kids, her schedule, and her status as a shield to stay in her comfort zone.
Why the "No" was Killing Her
We think "no" is a boundary. Sometimes it is. But for Shonda, "no" was a cage. She talks about how she used to handle invitations: she’d say yes initially to be polite, then spend weeks obsessing over how to cancel. The mental energy required to flake on people was actually more exhausting than just going to the event.
The Year of Yes book dissects this beautifully. It’s about the "hum"—that vibrating feeling of creative energy she felt when she was writing. She realized she had lost the hum because she was so busy protecting herself from the world. If you’ve ever felt like you’re just going through the motions even though your life looks "good" on paper, this hits hard.
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The Most Misunderstood Part: Saying No to People
You’d think a book about saying "yes" would be a pushover’s guide to being used. It’s not. One of the most powerful chapters—and the one most people skip over when they talk about it—is about the "Yes" to her own health and her own boundaries.
- She said yes to losing over 100 pounds, not because of vanity, but because she couldn't buckle her seatbelt on an airplane.
- She said yes to saying "no" to toxic people who drained her energy.
- She said yes to playing with her children, even when the emails were piling up.
There’s this specific moment she describes where she realizes that saying yes to herself meant saying no to the expectations of others. It’s a paradox. To truly live a "yes" life, you have to be willing to disappoint people who benefit from your silence.
The Dartmouth Speech and the Power of Being "Bad"
The Dartmouth commencement speech is a pivot point in the Year of Yes book. If you haven't seen the video, go watch it. It’s raw. Rhimes stands there and tells a bunch of Ivy League grads that "dreams are for losers."
That’s a bold take.
What she meant—and what she explains in the book—is that dreaming is easy. Anyone can sit around and imagine a better life. The "yes" is the doing. It’s the messy, unpolished, "I might fail at this" action. She was terrified of public speaking. Deeply, paralyzed-level terrified. By saying yes to that speech, she broke the fever of her own social anxiety. She realized that the world didn't end if she stumbled over a word.
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Small Victories vs. Big Stages
It’s easy to focus on the big Hollywood stuff, but the book spends a lot of time on the quiet moments.
Like the "Yes" to "First Five Minutes." She realized she was never truly present with her kids when she got home from work. She’d be on her phone, thinking about a script, or worrying about a casting crisis. She committed to saying yes to whatever her kids asked her to do the moment she walked through the door for five minutes. Just five.
If they wanted to play dolls, she played dolls. If they wanted to dance, she danced. It sounds tiny. It changed her entire relationship with her family.
The Science of the "Yes" (Sorta)
While Shonda isn't a neuroscientist, her experience mirrors what psychologists call "behavioral activation." Basically, when you’re stuck in a rut or feeling depressed/anxious, waiting for "motivation" to strike is a losing game. You have to change your behavior first, and the feelings follow.
By forcing herself into uncomfortable situations, Rhimes was essentially re-wiring her brain’s threat-detection system. She taught herself that the "scary" stuff—the parties, the speeches, the hard conversations—wasn't actually fatal.
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Acknowledging the "Mogul" Privilege
Let’s be real for a second. It’s a lot easier to say "yes" to life when you have a nanny, a housekeeper, and millions of dollars. Rhimes doesn't pretend otherwise. She’s refreshingly honest about the help she has. She famously wrote, "Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life."
If she’s at a glitzy premiere, she’s missing bedtime. If she’s at bedtime, she’s missing a script deadline. The Year of Yes book rejects the myth of "having it all." It’s about choosing what you’re going to be "bad" at so you can be "good" at the things that matter.
Why You Should Care Now
The book came out years ago, but it feels more relevant in our post-2020 world. We’ve all become a little more hermit-like. We’ve all gotten a little too comfortable with the "no." Our social muscles have atrophied.
The Year of Yes book serves as a blueprint for crawling back out into the light. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being brave. Bravery is not the absence of fear; it’s doing the thing while your knees are shaking.
Actionable Takeaways for Your Own Version of "Yes"
If you’re looking to apply the Shonda Rhimes method without having to run a TV empire, start with these specific, low-stakes shifts:
- The "Five Minute" Rule: When someone you love asks for your attention, give them five minutes of pure, phone-free presence. You’ll be surprised how often five minutes is all they actually needed to feel seen.
- Audit Your "No": For the next week, every time you want to say "no" to an invite or a task, ask yourself: Am I saying no because I’m actually busy, or am I saying no because I’m afraid of being uncomfortable? 3. Identify Your "Hum": What is the thing that makes you feel like the best version of yourself? Writing? Gardening? Coding? Say yes to protecting that time, even if it means letting the laundry pile up.
- Accept the "Bad": Give yourself permission to do something poorly. Say yes to a dance class even if you have no rhythm. The goal is the experience, not the mastery.
- Speak Your Truth in Public: Shonda’s biggest "yes" was finally being honest about her struggles. Stop pretending everything is fine if it’s not. Saying "yes" to your reality is the first step toward changing it.
Start small. Say yes to one thing today that makes your heart race just a little bit. You don't need a book deal to reclaim your life; you just need to stop nodding and start doing.