Self-image is messy. Honestly, it’s rarely as simple as looking in the mirror and giving yourself a thumbs up. Most people think "what I like about me" is just a cheesy prompt for a middle school journal or a self-help workshop, but the psychology behind it is actually pretty heavy. It’s about more than just vanity.
We’re talking about cognitive self-schemas.
When you sit down and catalog the traits you actually value in yourself, you aren’t just boosting your ego. You’re building a psychological buffer. Researchers, like those studying the Self-Affirmation Theory originally proposed by Claude Steele in the 1980s, have found that focusing on these positive attributes helps people handle stress and threats to their identity way better. It’s basically a mental suit of armor.
The Science of What I Like About Me
It sounds soft, but the data is hard.
When you think about the things you appreciate regarding your own character, your brain's reward system—specifically the ventral striatum—tends to light up. It’s the same area that reacts when you eat great food or win a bet. But there’s a catch. If you can’t name anything, or if your list is purely external (like "I have a nice car"), that buffer is incredibly fragile.
Real resilience comes from liking things about yourself that are "intrinsic."
Psychologists often point to the Big Five personality traits—openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism—as the framework where people find these gems. Maybe you’re the person who stays calm when the flight is canceled. Or perhaps you’re the friend who always remembers a birthday. Those are the high-value targets for self-appreciation.
📖 Related: Why That Reddit Blackhead on Nose That Won’t Pop Might Not Actually Be a Blackhead
Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research at the University of Texas at Austin, argues that this isn't about being "better" than others. It’s about acknowledging your own humanity. She’s found that people who can identify specific, positive internal qualities have significantly lower levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) when things go wrong.
Why we struggle to find the good stuff
Let’s be real: our brains are wired for a "negativity bias."
Evolutionarily, it was more important to remember where the lion was hiding than to remember that you’re a great storyteller. Because of this, we tend to skip over our strengths and obsess over our flaws. It's a survival mechanism that has overstayed its welcome in the modern world.
You’ve probably noticed that when someone pays you a compliment, you instinctively deflect it.
"Oh, this old thing?"
"I just got lucky."
We do this because of a social fear of appearing arrogant. But there’s a massive difference between being a narcissist and having a healthy grasp on what I like about me. Narcissists need external validation to feel whole; healthy people use self-appreciation as a baseline.
Beyond the Mirror: Personality and Character
Most people start with physical stuff.
"I like my eyes."
"I like my height."
That’s fine, but it’s shallow soil.
If you want to build a self-concept that actually holds up during a mid-life crisis or a bad breakup, you have to dig into character strengths. The VIA Institute on Character has spent decades researching 24 specific strengths that exist across cultures. We’re talking about things like bravery, perspective, fairness, and humor.
👉 See also: Egg Supplement Facts: Why Powdered Yolks Are Actually Taking Over
Take "grit" for example.
Angela Duckworth, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, has shown that "grit"—a combination of passion and perseverance—is a better predictor of success than IQ. If you can look at yourself and say, "I like that I don't give up when things get boring," you’re identifying a trait that has actual, measurable utility in your life. That’s a high-quality self-assessment.
The trap of "Social Media Comparison"
We can't talk about self-image without mentioning the elephant in the room: the algorithm.
Social media is designed to make you hate what you see in the mirror. It creates a "perceived gap" between your real self and the curated highlights of everyone else. When you’re scrolling, the internal dialogue for what I like about me often shifts to what I wish I had. A 2021 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology showed that even just a 30-minute reduction in daily social media use led to significant improvements in self-esteem and body image. Why? Because it stops the constant "upward social comparison." You stop measuring your "behind-the-scenes" against everyone else’s "feature film."
How to Inventory Your Strengths Without Feeling Like a Jerk
If you’re struggling to figure out what you actually like about yourself, you’re not alone. Most people find this exercise incredibly awkward. It feels like you’re writing your own eulogy while you’re still alive.
Here is a more nuanced way to look at it:
✨ Don't miss: Is Tap Water Okay to Drink? The Messy Truth About Your Kitchen Faucet
- The "Friend Test": Think about your closest friend. If someone asked them what they value about you, what would they say? Usually, it's things we take for granted, like "you're a really good listener" or "you always know how to make people feel included."
- The "Crisis Audit": Think about the last time everything went wrong. How did you handle it? Did you stay organized? Did you use humor to break the tension? The traits that show up in a crisis are usually the ones you should like the most.
- The "Skill vs. Trait" Distinction: Don't just list things you're good at. Liking that you're good at Excel is okay, but liking that you are patient enough to learn complex things is better. One is a tool; the other is a part of your soul.
The Role of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the "how" behind the "what."
It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness you’d show a friend. If a friend was struggling, you wouldn’t tell them they have nothing to offer. You’d remind them of their worth. Applying this to yourself isn't "weakness." In fact, research from the Journal of Research in Personality suggests that self-compassionate people are actually more likely to take responsibility for their mistakes because they aren't as terrified of their own flaws.
They can say, "I messed up, but I still like that I'm the kind of person who tries to make it right."
Actionable Insights for a Better Self-Concept
Building a list of what I like about me isn't a one-and-done thing. It’s a practice. If you want to actually change your internal narrative, you have to be intentional about it.
- Audit your internal monologue for 24 hours. Literally, just listen to how you talk to yourself. If you wouldn't say those things to a coworker, stop saying them to yourself.
- Identify three "Core Pillars." Choose three traits that are non-negotiable parts of who you are. Maybe it’s your curiosity, your loyalty, and your weird sense of humor.
- Shift from "Comparative" to "Absolute." Instead of saying "I'm smarter than most people," try "I like my ability to learn new things." Comparative value is a race you can't win. Absolute value is yours to keep.
- Keep a "Wins Folder." This is a classic productivity hack that works for self-esteem too. Whenever someone sends you a nice email or thanks you for your help, save it. When you’re feeling like you have nothing to like about yourself, read through it. It’s objective evidence that counters your brain's negativity bias.
- Practice "Reflected Best Self" exercises. Reach out to three people you trust and ask them for a specific time they saw you at your best. The answers will almost always surprise you and give you a new perspective on your own value.
The goal isn't to become obsessed with yourself. It’s to develop a stable, realistic, and appreciative view of the person you spend 100% of your time with. When you finally figure out what I like about me, you stop looking for everyone else to fill that gap for you. It’s the ultimate form of emotional independence.