Winston Churchill supposedly said it first. Or maybe he just popularized it. Either way, the phrase we make a life by what we give has become one of those magnets stuck to refrigerators and printed on inspirational tote bags. It sounds nice. It feels like something a "good person" would say. But honestly? Most people treat it as a platitude rather than a biological or economic reality.
Giving is hard. We’re wired to accumulate. Our brains are basically ancient survival machines designed to hoard calories, status, and resources because, for most of human history, not having enough meant you died. So, telling someone that their "life" is built on what they give away feels counterintuitive. It feels like a loss.
But it isn't. Not according to science, and certainly not according to the lived experience of people who actually move the needle in this world.
The biology of the "Giver’s High"
When you give, your brain doesn't see a deficit. It sees a party.
Researchers at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that when people provide to charities, they activate the mesolimbic system. That’s the reward center. It’s the same part of the brain that lights up when you eat a really good steak or have sex. They call it the "Helper’s High." It’s a rush of dopamine and oxytocin. Basically, we are biologically incentivized to be altruistic.
It’s not just about feeling fuzzy inside. It’s about longevity. A study led by Stephanie Brown at the University of Michigan followed older couples for five years. The results were startling. Those who provided practical help to friends, neighbors, or relatives had a significantly lower risk of dying during that period compared to those who didn't. Interestingly, receiving help didn't lower the death risk. Only giving did.
Think about that. You can’t just buy your way into a long life by surrounding yourself with people who serve you. You have to be the one doing the serving.
Beyond the money: Giving as a social currency
We often get stuck thinking "giving" means writing a check. It doesn't. Sometimes, the most valuable thing you can give is your attention. In an era where every app is designed to steal your focus, giving someone your undivided presence is a radical act of generosity.
👉 See also: Bondage and Being Tied Up: A Realistic Look at Safety, Psychology, and Why People Do It
The Adam Grant perspective
Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at Wharton, wrote a book called Give and Take. He breaks people down into three categories: givers, takers, and matchers.
- Takers try to get as much as possible from others.
- Matchers operate on a "tit-for-tat" basis—I’ll help you if you help me.
- Givers are the rare breed who contribute without expecting anything in return.
Grant’s research shows something fascinating. The people at the bottom of the success ladder? Givers. They get burned out or taken advantage of. But the people at the very top of the success ladder? Also givers.
The difference is how they give. Successful givers aren't doormats. They are strategic. They give in ways that create high value for others but low cost to themselves, or they give to other givers and matchers to build a massive network of goodwill. They realize that we make a life by what we give isn't just a moral stance; it’s a networking strategy that actually works.
Real-world examples of the giving philosophy
Look at Dolly Parton. People joke about the wigs and the rhinestones, but her "Imagination Library" has mailed over 200 million books to children worldwide. She didn't have to do that. She could have sat on her mountain of royalties. But she understood that her legacy—her "life"—wasn't the number of Grammys on her shelf. It was the literacy rate in East Tennessee and beyond.
Or consider the "Small Giants" in the business world. These are companies that choose to be great instead of big. They give back to their employees through profit-sharing and to their communities through local sourcing. These businesses often outlast their "greedy" competitors because they’ve built a reservoir of loyalty that money can’t buy.
Why it feels so hard to start
Let's be real for a second. Life is expensive.
Rent is up. Groceries are a nightmare. You're tired. The idea of giving away your "extra" time or money feels like a joke because there is no extra. This is where the philosophy of we make a life by what we give gets tested.
✨ Don't miss: Blue Tabby Maine Coon: What Most People Get Wrong About This Striking Coat
True giving happens in the margins. It’s the five minutes you spend mentoring a junior colleague when you’re already behind on your own deadline. It’s the $10 a month you automate to a local food bank even when you’re budgeting tightly.
It’s about the shift from a "scarcity mindset" to an "abundance mindset."
If you believe there is never enough, you will always be a taker. If you believe that you have enough to share—even a little—you change your internal chemistry. You stop being a victim of your circumstances and start being a creator of your environment.
The dark side: When giving goes wrong
We have to talk about "pathological altruism." This is when giving becomes a way to avoid your own problems or control other people. If you’re giving until you’re broke, miserable, and resentful, you aren't "making a life." You’re destroying one.
Giving should be an overflow, not a drain.
If you’re helping others to feel superior, that’s not giving; that’s an ego trip. If you’re giving because you can’t say no, that’s not generosity; that’s a boundary issue. To truly live by this mantra, you have to be whole yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Practical steps to build a life of giving
Don't go out and donate your entire savings tomorrow. That's a bad idea. Instead, try these smaller, more sustainable shifts.
🔗 Read more: Blue Bathroom Wall Tiles: What Most People Get Wrong About Color and Mood
- The Five-Minute Favor. This is a concept from entrepreneur Adam Rifkin. If you can do something for someone that takes less than five minutes—like making an introduction, giving feedback, or sharing a resource—do it immediately. It costs you almost nothing but builds massive value for the other person.
- Audit your "Giving-to-Taking" ratio. Look at your last ten interactions. Were you asking for things, or were you offering things? You don't have to be 100% a giver, but try to tip the scales.
- Identify your "Giving Superpower." What do you have that others need? It might not be money. Maybe you’re great at organizing. Maybe you’re a fantastic listener. Maybe you know how to fix a leaky faucet. Give what you actually have.
- Anonymous acts. Try giving without getting credit. It’s a weirdly powerful psychological exercise. When you give anonymously, you prove to yourself that you’re doing it for the right reasons, not for the "likes" on LinkedIn or Instagram.
Finding the meaning in the noise
The world tells us that the person with the most toys wins. But look at the people who are actually happy. They aren't the ones obsessed with their own "getting." They are the ones who have integrated themselves into a community.
When Churchill (or whoever it was) said that we make a life by what we give, they were talking about the architecture of a soul. A life built on "getting" is a pile of stuff. A life built on "giving" is a web of relationships, impact, and meaning.
In the end, your "life" is the sum of the holes you filled in the world. It’s the people who are better off because you showed up.
Start small.
Find one person this week who needs a "five-minute favor." Watch what happens to your own stress levels when you focus on someone else’s problems for a moment. You might find that the "life" you’re trying so hard to build through work and acquisition actually starts to assemble itself the moment you look outward.
Turn the philosophy into a practice. It isn't a sacrifice. It’s an investment in the only thing you actually get to keep: the impact you leave behind.
Actionable Insight:
Identify one specific skill you possess—whether it's Excel spreadsheets, gardening, or navigating bureaucracy—and offer to help one person with it this week for free. Document how it changes your mood and your sense of connection to your community. This small experiment is the first step in moving from a theory of generosity to a lifestyle of contribution.