Real Life is Messier Than the Movies
Movies about dying usually suck. They’re too polished. Everyone says the right thing at the right time, the lighting is perfect, and there’s always some swelling violin music right as the protagonist sheds a single, photogenic tear. But that isn't how it works. When you actually sit down to watch As They Made Us, you realize Mayim Bialik—yeah, the girl from Blossom and The Big Bang Theory—actually gets it. She wrote and directed this thing, and honestly, it feels less like a Hollywood production and more like she opened up a vein and let her family history spill onto the screen. It’s raw. It’s loud. It’s uncomfortable.
The film stars Dianna Agron as Abigail. She’s a divorced mom trying to keep her life from imploding while her father, Eugene (played by the legendary Dustin Hoffman), is literally wasting away. Her mother, Barbara (Candice Bergen), is... well, she’s a lot. She’s the kind of person who uses criticism as a love language. If you grew up in a household where you had to walk on eggshells just to get through breakfast, this movie is going to feel like a personal attack.
The Casting Choice That Changed Everything
Dustin Hoffman doesn't just play a dying man; he plays a man who was complicated long before he got sick. That’s the nuance most people miss. We tend to sanctify the dying. We act like because someone is leaving, their past sins just evaporate. As They Made Us refuses to play that game. We see flashes of Eugene’s temper. We see the trauma he inflicted on his kids.
Then there’s Simon Helberg. Most people know him as the goofy guy from The Big Bang Theory, but here, as Abigail’s estranged brother Nathan, he is heartbreaking. He’s the one who walked away. He’s the one who decided that the family drama wasn't worth his sanity. It creates this brutal dynamic: the sibling who stayed and suffered versus the sibling who left and survived. Which one is right? The movie doesn't give you an easy answer because there isn't one.
Why This Isn't Just Another "Cancer Movie"
Most "terminal illness" flicks focus on the medical stuff. The IV bags. The hospital beeps. While that's there, Bialik focuses more on the psychological shrapnel.
- The Denial: Barbara (Bergen) refuses to acknowledge Eugene is dying until it's almost too late.
- The Burden: Abigail is the "fixer," a role many first-born daughters know all too well.
- The Legacy: How do you mourn someone who was both your hero and your tormentor?
It’s about the generational trauma that gets passed down like a shitty heirloom. You see Abigail trying to be a better parent to her own kids while her mother is in the other room undermining her every move. It’s exhausting to watch, which is exactly why it’s so good. It captures the physical and emotional fatigue of caregiving. You’re tired. You’re angry. Then you feel guilty for being angry because, hey, they’re dying, right? It’s a vicious cycle.
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The Realism of the Messy House
Can we talk about the set design for a second? The house looks lived in. Not "movie" lived in with strategically placed throw pillows, but actually lived in. There’s clutter. There are old photos. It feels claustrophobic. When you watch As They Made Us, pay attention to how the camera stays close to the actors. It makes you feel like you’re trapped in that house with them.
What Most Critics Got Wrong
A lot of reviews when the movie came out in 2022 called it "melodramatic." Respectfully, those critics probably have very nice, normal families. If you’ve ever had a parent scream at you over a misplaced set of keys while they're also struggling to breathe, you know this isn't melodrama. It’s Tuesday.
The film was shot in just 19 days. That’s insane. Usually, a feature film takes 30 to 60 days. The frantic pace of the shoot actually bled into the performances. There’s a frantic energy to the scenes. Dianna Agron looks genuinely frayed at the edges. She isn't wearing the "pretty" makeup you’d expect from a Glee alum. She looks like a woman who hasn't slept in three years and is surviving on cold coffee and spite.
Simon Helberg’s Performance is a Quiet Powerhouse
Helberg and Bialik have a shorthand from their years on sitcom sets, but this is a totally different beast. Nathan is a man who has built a wall around his heart to protect himself from his mother’s toxicity. When he finally shows up, the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife. He doesn't need big monologues. It's all in the way he won't look his mother in the eye.
The Facts Behind the Fiction
Bialik has been open about the fact that the movie is "loosely" based on her own life. Her father, Barry Bialik, passed away in 2015. She spent a year in traditional Jewish mourning before she even started writing the script.
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- The film was Bialik’s directorial debut.
- It was released by Quiver Distribution.
- Dustin Hoffman and Candice Bergen hadn't worked together in decades since The Group (1966).
That chemistry between Hoffman and Bergen is vital. They feel like a couple that has been married for fifty years—they know exactly which buttons to push to make the other person explode. It’s a dance they’ve been doing forever.
How to Process a Movie This Heavy
Don't watch this on a first date. Don't watch it if you’re looking for a "feel-good" Sunday afternoon vibe. Watch it when you’re ready to actually sit with the complicated parts of your own family history.
Honestly, the ending is polarizing. Some people want a big "I love you" moment where everything is forgiven. This movie doesn't do that. It gives you something more realistic: a quiet acknowledgment that life goes on, even when the person who shaped your entire world is gone.
Actionable Takeaways for the Viewer
If you've watched the film or are planning to, there are a few things to keep in mind regarding the themes of caregiving and grief:
Acknowledge the Role of the "Fixer"
If you find yourself identifying with Abigail, you're likely the family "fixer." Recognize that you cannot fix a dying person, and you certainly cannot fix a parent who doesn't want to change. Setting boundaries isn't betrayal; it's self-preservation.
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Understand the "Grief Fog"
The movie portrays the "fog" perfectly. After a major loss, your brain literally functions differently. If you’re in the middle of this, give yourself grace for the forgotten appointments and the sudden bursts of irritability.
Don't Wait for the "Perfect" Goodbye
One of the biggest lessons from Eugene and Abigail’s relationship is that closures are rarely cinematic. Sometimes, the best you get is a moment of quiet or a hand held for a few seconds. That has to be enough.
Evaluate the Cost of Staying vs. Leaving
The Abigail vs. Nathan dynamic is a great prompt for self-reflection. If a family situation is genuinely abusive, leaving (like Nathan) is a valid choice. If you stay (like Abigail), you need a support system outside the family unit to keep your identity intact.
Why it Stays With You
Months after you watch As They Made Us, you’ll still be thinking about certain scenes. Maybe it’s the way Barbara complains about the food while her husband is literally dying, or the way Abigail looks at her kids and promises to do better. It’s a film that demands you look at your own baggage. It’s not "fun," but it is necessary. It’s a reminder that we are all, for better or worse, made by the people who came before us.
The film serves as a stark reminder that grief isn't a period at the end of a sentence; it's a comma in a much longer, messier story. It doesn't offer a "cure" for a dysfunctional family. It just offers a mirror. And sometimes, seeing your own chaos reflected on screen is the first step toward actually healing from it.
The next time you're scrolling through a streaming service looking for something with actual substance, skip the big-budget blockbusters. Look for the small, quiet stories that aren't afraid to be ugly. That's where the real truth usually hides.