Life is messy. You wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and realize you don’t even recognize the person staring back at you. It’s not just the grey hairs or the fine lines around your eyes. It’s the internal software. The things you used to swear by—your "ride or die" beliefs—have somehow evaporated. This is the raw reality of how things change people change, and honestly, it’s the only constant we’ve got. We spend so much time trying to keep things the same. We cling to old versions of ourselves like a security blanket. But the world doesn't care about your comfort zone.
Change is relentless.
Think about your best friend from high school. You probably thought you’d be at each other’s weddings and godparents to each other’s kids. Then, life happened. Someone moved. Someone got a promotion. Someone went through a divorce. Suddenly, you’re looking at their Instagram feed and they feel like a stranger. It’s not that anyone did anything wrong. It’s just that the environment shifted, and the people shifted with it.
The Science of Why We Can't Stay the Same
Psychologists call this "personality plasticity." For a long time, the scientific community thought your personality was pretty much baked in by the time you hit 30. They were wrong. A massive study published in Psychology and Aging tracked people over 63 years—from age 14 to age 77. The researchers, led by Matthew Harris from the University of Edinburgh, found almost no correlation between the personality traits participants had as teens and the ones they had in their 70s.
Basically, you become a different person.
This isn't just about getting older and grumpier. It’s about how things change people change based on the roles we take on. When you become a parent, your brain literally rewires itself. Gray matter shrinks in certain areas to make you more empathetic and alert to a baby’s needs. When you lose a job, your self-esteem takes a hit that can alter your conscientiousness for years. We are biological sponges. We soak up our surroundings and they leak into our DNA.
When Relationships Hit the Wall
Relationship experts like Esther Perel often talk about how we have multiple marriages in our lives, even if they’re all with the same person. This is because things change people change, and if the relationship doesn’t evolve, it dies. You aren't the same person you were when you said "I do" at twenty-five. You’ve had career wins, family tragedies, and maybe a mid-life crisis or two.
🔗 Read more: Why Everyone Is Still Obsessing Over Maybelline SuperStay Skin Tint
If your partner is still expecting the twenty-five-year-old version of you, you’re in trouble.
- The "Growing Apart" Myth: Most people think growing apart is a failure. It’s not. It’s a natural byproduct of individual growth.
- The Catalyst: Sometimes a single event—a death in the family or a health scare—acts as a "reset button" for a person’s entire identity.
- Adaptability: The couples that survive are the ones who learn to fall in love with the new versions of their partners.
Sometimes, the change is subtle. You stop liking the same music. You start caring about politics. You realize you’d rather spend a Saturday night reading than at a loud bar. These tiny shifts accumulate until one day, the gap between who you were and who you are is a canyon.
The Career Pivot and the Identity Crisis
Work used to be a straight line. You joined a company, stayed for forty years, and got a gold watch. Those days are gone. Now, the average person changes careers—not just jobs, but entire industries—multiple times. This constant flux is a prime example of how things change people change in a professional context.
If you spend ten years in a high-stress corporate environment, you might develop a "type A" personality that wasn’t there before. You become more competitive, maybe a bit more cynical. But if you quit and start an organic farm, those traits might melt away. You adapt to what the environment rewards.
I know a guy who was a ruthless hedge fund manager. He was all about the bottom line. Then, his daughter got sick. The "thing" (the illness) changed the "person" (his priorities). He quit, started a non-profit, and now he’s the softest, most empathetic guy you’ll ever meet. He didn't just change his job; he changed his core.
The Fear of Losing Your "True Self"
We talk a lot about being "authentic." But what does that even mean if you’re constantly shifting? People get scared that if they change too much, they’re being fake. Or worse, they’re losing themselves.
💡 You might also like: Coach Bag Animal Print: Why These Wild Patterns Actually Work as Neutrals
The truth is, there is no static "true self." You are a process, not a product.
Think of yourself like a river. The water is always moving, the banks are eroding, and the fish inside are born and die. It’s still the same river, but it’s never the same water. Understanding that things change people change isn't about losing your soul; it's about allowing your soul to breathe. If you stayed exactly the same as you were at sixteen, that would be a tragedy. That would be stagnation.
Navigating the Friction of Change
Change is rarely smooth. It usually involves a lot of friction. When you change, the people around you might get uncomfortable. They’ve built their lives around the "old" you. When you start setting boundaries or chasing new dreams, it messes up their equilibrium.
They might say things like:
"You've changed."
"I don't know who you are anymore."
"You used to be so easygoing."
These aren't necessarily insults, though they feel like them. They are observations of a shifting landscape. The hardest part of accepting that things change people change is giving others the permission to change too. We want our friends to stay the same because it makes our lives easier. We want our parents to stay the same because it makes us feel safe. But that’s a selfish wish.
Actionable Steps for Handling the Shift
Since you can't stop the world from turning, you might as well learn how to ride the wave. Here is how you actually handle the fact that things change people change without losing your mind.
📖 Related: Bed and Breakfast Wedding Venues: Why Smaller Might Actually Be Better
1. Conduct an Identity Audit
Once a year, sit down and look at your values. Do you still care about the things you cared about two years ago? If you’ve stopped caring about "climbing the ladder," admit it. Don't keep acting out a script that you no longer believe in. Acknowledging the change is the first step to living it honestly.
2. Practice Radical Acceptance with Others
When a friend drifts away or a partner changes their mind about something big, try to avoid the urge to "fix" them. People aren't broken just because they’re different. Ask yourself: "Am I mad at them, or am I just sad that the old version of our relationship is over?" Grieving the past is necessary to enjoy the present.
3. Embrace the "New You" Lean-In
If you find yourself interested in something totally out of character—maybe you suddenly want to learn Japanese or start powerlifting—don't overthink it. Don't worry about whether it "fits your brand." Follow the curiosity. These are the "things" that facilitate the "change" in you.
4. Update Your Social Circle
This sounds cold, but it’s vital. If your environment is keeping you stuck in an old version of yourself, you need new scenery. Surround yourself with people who celebrate your growth rather than those who are threatened by it. If your friends only want to talk about the "glory days" of college and you're trying to build a future, there’s going to be a disconnect.
5. Expect the Unexpected
Stop planning for a static future. Your five-year plan is probably garbage because the "you" five years from now will have different desires. Instead, focus on building resilience. Build a life that can handle a 180-degree turn.
At the end of the day, things change people change is a message of hope. It means you aren't stuck with your past mistakes. It means you can evolve out of toxic habits. It means the person you are today is just one chapter in a very long, very strange book. Stop fighting the current and start swimming with it. The version of you that exists five years from now is waiting to meet you, and they’re probably a lot more interesting than the person you are today.