You know that feeling. Your heart does a weird little kick-flip in your chest. Maybe you’re refreshing a dating app, or maybe you're stalking a rare vintage watch on an auction site. It’s electric. It’s also, quite literally, a chemical cocktail flooding your brain. We call it the thrill of the chase, and honestly, most of us are slightly addicted to it without even realizing why.
It’s not about the catch. It’s never really been about the catch.
Robert Sapolsky, a neuroendocrinology professor at Stanford, has spent years looking at how primates—including us—react to rewards. He found something wild. Dopamine levels in the brain don't actually peak when we get what we want. They peak during the anticipation of the reward. If there is a 50% chance you might fail, the dopamine spike is actually higher than if the win was guaranteed. Uncertainty is the fuel. We aren't hunting for the prize; we are hunting for the "maybe."
The biology behind the thrill of the chase
Most people think dopamine is about pleasure. It’s not. It’s about "wanting," not "liking." When you are in the heat of the chase, your brain is operating on a schedule of reinforcement that psychologists call "variable ratio." This is the same mechanism that keeps people pulling the lever on a slot machine. Because you don't know when the payoff is coming, your brain stays in a state of high-alert arousal.
It’s exhausting. But it’s also addictive.
Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who has scanned the brains of people in love (and in the throes of rejection), notes that the "reward system" for the thrill of the chase is located right next to the regions that control thirst and hunger. This isn't some high-level intellectual pursuit. It’s primal. When you’re chasing a romantic interest who seems just out of reach, your brain treats that person like a vital resource. You aren't just "into them." You are biologically compelled to pursue them.
Why we love the "Almost"
Think about the last time you really wanted something. A promotion. A specific house. A person who was "playing hard to get." During that window of time when you didn't have it yet, your focus was laser-sharp. This is what neuroscientists call "narrowing." Your world shrinks until only the target exists.
Then you get it.
And suddenly, the colors seem a bit flatter. The "arrival fallacy" kicks in—that annoying psychological phenomenon where reaching a goal doesn't bring the sustained happiness we expected. The chase provided a constant stream of neurochemical highs. The possession of the thing? That’s just maintenance. Maintenance is boring. Maintenance doesn't give you a rush at 2:00 AM.
When the chase becomes a problem
In the world of modern dating, the thrill of the chase has been digitized and weaponized. Apps like Tinder or Hinge are designed to keep you in the "seeking" phase. The swipe is the chase. The "match" notification is the micro-reward.
However, there’s a darker side to this. Some people become "limitless chasers." They love the beginning—the flirting, the uncertainty, the dopamine hits of a new connection—but as soon as the relationship becomes stable and predictable, they bail. They aren't looking for a partner; they are looking for a fix.
- Avoidant Attachment: People with avoidant attachment styles often lean into the chase because it allows for intensity without true intimacy.
- The Sunk Cost Fallacy: We stay in the chase too long because we’ve already "invested" so much effort. We think the payoff must be worth it because the pursuit was so hard.
- Validation Seeking: Sometimes the chase isn't about the other person at all. It’s about proving to yourself that you are "captivating" enough to win.
The thrill of the chase in business and career
It’s not just about romance. Look at the startup world. Founders talk about the "hustle" and the "grind" with a sense of romanticism that borders on the religious. That’s just the thrill of the chase rebranded for LinkedIn.
The pursuit of the "exit" or the next funding round creates a high-stress, high-reward environment. But ask any founder who has actually sold their company for millions. Often, the day after the check clears is one of the most depressing days of their lives. The chase ended. The "purpose" vanished.
In a 2010 study published in Psychological Science, researchers found that people who valued "the journey" over "the destination" were significantly more resilient. If you only live for the win, you spend 99% of your life in a state of deficit, waiting for a 1% moment of satisfaction.
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How to break the cycle
If you find yourself constantly chasing things—or people—that don't actually make you happy once you have them, you need to recalibrate your reward system.
Honestly, it’s about learning to appreciate "the mundane." That sounds like a letdown, doesn't it? But stability is where actual growth happens. You can't build a house on a rollercoaster.
- Audit your "Wants" vs. "Likes": Ask yourself: Do I actually like this person/goal, or do I just like the feeling of trying to get it? If the "get" feels like a relief rather than a joy, you’re likely just chasing the dopamine.
- Practice "Arrival Reflection": When you reach a goal, force yourself to sit with it. Don't immediately set the next goal. If you bought the car, drive it. If you got the job, do the job.
- Recognize the "Intermittent Reinforcement": If someone is blowing hot and cold, recognize that your brain is being manipulated by the inconsistency. The "hot" feels so good only because the "cold" was so painful. That’s not love; that’s a gambling addiction.
Why it still matters
We shouldn't kill the thrill of the chase entirely. It’s what drives innovation. It’s why we explore space and write novels and try to cure diseases. That restless human urge to reach for something just beyond our grasp is a superpower.
The trick is making sure you’re chasing something that has value once the chemicals wear off.
Actionable steps for a healthier pursuit
Stop looking at the chase as the main event. If you are dating, look for "boring" green flags like consistency and clear communication. These don't give you a massive dopamine spike, but they lead to long-term oxytocin—the "bonding" chemical that actually provides peace.
If you are career-focused, find a "process-oriented" goal. Instead of "I want to be CEO," try "I want to solve this specific problem every day." When the process is the reward, you don't need the chase to feel alive.
Basically, stop being the greyhound chasing the mechanical rabbit around the track. The rabbit isn't real. It's just a piece of fur on a stick. Look at what you’re actually running toward. If it’s not something you’d want to hold onto for ten years, it’s probably not worth the sprint.