Ever feel like you're just running on a treadmill? You check the boxes. You get the promotion, buy the car, maybe hit the gym three times a week, but the "good life" still feels like it’s about three miles down the road. It turns out, we've been asking the wrong questions for about 2,400 years. Aristotle figured this out in the Nicomachean Ethics, a book that isn't really a book at all, but rather a set of lecture notes he probably compiled for his son, Nicomachus.
He didn't care about "happiness" in the way we talk about it today. Forget the fleeting high of a double espresso or a likes-count on a post. To Aristotle, the point of being human was eudaimonia.
It’s a clunky word. Most people translate it as "happiness," but that's a bit of a trap. It's more like "flourishing" or "living well." Think of it like a plant. A plant isn't "happy" when it has water and sun; it's flourishing. It’s doing exactly what a plant is supposed to do. For us, that means using our brains.
The Golden Mean is Not Just "Playing it Safe"
You’ve probably heard of the "Middle Way" or the "Golden Mean." It sounds boring, right? Like choosing the medium-sized soda because you're afraid of the large. But in the Nicomachean Ethics, the mean is actually pretty radical. It’s the sweet spot between two total disasters.
Take courage. If you have too little of it, you're a coward. You hide under the desk when things get tough. But if you have too much? You’re reckless. You jump into a burning building without a plan and just get everyone killed. Courage is the narrow ridge between those two cliffs.
Aristotle argues that virtue is a skill, like carpentry or playing the flute. You don't just "become" honest by reading a blog post about it. You become honest by telling the truth when it’s awkward. Over and over. Until it’s a habit. He calls this hexis. It's a "disposition" or a "state of character." You are what you repeatedly do. Simple, but honestly, kind of terrifying when you look at your daily screen time.
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Why We Get Aristotle's View of Friendship Wrong
Most of our modern friendships are, well, a bit shallow. We have work friends. We have "drinking buddies." Aristotle looks at these and basically says, "Yeah, those are fine, but they aren't the real deal."
He breaks friendship down into three buckets. The first is utility. This is your barista or your business partner. You’re friends because you both get something out of it. The second is pleasure. These are the people who make you laugh at a party. You like their vibe.
But the third? That’s the "Character Friendship." This is the rare stuff. It’s when you love someone because of who they are, not what they can do for you. These friends want you to be a better person. They call you out on your nonsense. Aristotle thought you couldn't actually have many of these because they take a massive amount of time and "salt" (meaning you have to eat a lot of meals together).
The Role of Pleasure
People often think philosophers hate fun. Not this guy. In the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle actually defends pleasure. He says it completes the activity. If you love playing guitar, the pleasure you feel makes you play better. It's like the bloom on a flower. It’s not the goal of the activity, but it’s a sign that the activity is going well.
However, he’s quick to warn that chasing pleasure for its own sake is a one-way ticket to a "life fit for cattle." If you just live for food, sex, and sleep, you’re ignoring the one thing that makes you human: your ability to reason.
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Practical Wisdom: The Phronesis Factor
The most important part of the whole system is phronesis. This is "practical wisdom."
You can know every moral rule in the book. You can memorize the "Ten Commandments" or the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." But if you don't know how to apply them in a messy, real-world situation, you're useless.
Phronesis is the ability to look at a complicated situation and see the right move. It’s knowing when to be honest and when to be kind. It’s knowing exactly how much to spend on a wedding gift so you aren't being cheap, but you aren't being a show-off either. It’s a "moral compass" that you only calibrate through experience. This is why Aristotle famously said young people can't really be masters of ethics. They just haven't seen enough of the world yet. They have the "knowledge" but not the "knack."
The Conflict of the Contemplative Life
Toward the end of the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle throws a bit of a curveball. After spending pages talking about politics and social virtues, he basically says that the highest form of life is actually contemplation.
Basically, thinking.
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He argues that since reason is our highest faculty, using it to understand the universe is the most "god-like" thing we can do. This has sparked huge debates for centuries. Does he mean we should all go live in caves and think about math? Probably not. He’s a realist. He knows we have bodies, friends, and bills to pay. But he wants us to remember that the "busy-ness" of life isn't the end goal. We work so that we can have leisure. And we should use that leisure for something better than just scrolling through feeds.
Modern Science Backs the Old Man Up
It’s wild how much modern psychology aligns with these 4th-century BCE ideas. Positive psychology, spearheaded by people like Martin Seligman, focuses heavily on "character strengths" and "signature virtues."
The "flow state" described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is basically Aristotle’s idea of an activity being done "in accordance with excellence." When you’re so locked into a task that time disappears, you’re hitting that Aristotelian peak performance.
Even the concept of "neuroplasticity" mirrors hexis. When Aristotle says we become what we do, he's literally describing how we wire our brains. Every time you choose patience over a road-rage meltdown, you’re physically thickening the neural pathways for patience. You’re building the "habit" of being a decent human.
How to Actually Apply This Today
Reading the Nicomachean Ethics shouldn't just be an academic exercise. If you want to use this to actually change your life, you have to stop thinking about "rules" and start thinking about "aims."
- Audit your habits. Don't look at your intentions; look at your calendar. If you say you value health but spend six hours a day sitting, you are "habituating" laziness, not vitality.
- Identify your extremes. Where are you falling off the cliff? Are you too blunt (vicious honesty) or a total pushover (vicious agreeableness)? Find your "mean" and start steering toward it.
- Upgrade your inner circle. Look at your five closest friends. Are they "utility" friends or "character" friends? If no one in your life is pushing you to be better, you’re missing out on the highest form of human connection.
- Practice Phronesis. Next time you have a tough choice, don't ask "What is the rule?" Ask "What does the 'excellent' version of me do here?" It changes the math entirely.
Aristotle wasn't a prude. He didn't want you to be a saint. He wanted you to be an "excellent" version of a human being. He thought that if you actually did the work to build your character, happiness wouldn't be something you have to chase. It would just be the natural byproduct of the way you live. It's not about "feeling" good; it's about being good at being you.
Living well is a craft. And like any craft, you’re going to mess up a few pieces of wood before you build a masterpiece. The key is to keep carving.