Parenting is exhausting. Seriously. Most days, you aren’t thinking about "proactive displays of affection" or "intentional kindness." You’re thinking about how many more minutes until bedtime or why there is a sticky residue on the ceiling that defies the laws of physics. That’s where the love dare for parents comes in, and honestly, it’s not what most people think it is.
It’s not a magic wand. It won't turn your rebellious teenager into a compliant angel overnight, nor will it stop your toddler from having a meltdown because you peeled the banana "the wrong way." But it changes the one thing you actually have control over: yourself.
What the Love Dare for Parents Is Really About
The concept originally trickled down from The Love Dare, a book by Alex and Stephen Kendrick that blew up after the movie Fireproof. While the original was focused on marriage, the parenting version—specifically The Love Dare for Parents released in 2013—shifted the lens toward the often-strained relationship between a parent and a child.
It’s a 40-day challenge.
Forty days of doing something intentional for your kid, even when they’re being particularly difficult. You’ve probably heard of the "Golden Rule," but this is more like the "Platinum Rule" on steroids. It asks you to lead with love before the child "earns" it. That’s a tough pill to swallow when you’ve just been talked back to for the fifth time before noon.
The core philosophy is rooted in unconditional love, or agape. It’s a choice. It’s not a feeling. Feelings are fickle; they disappear when you’re sleep-deprived. The dare is about building a foundation of respect and heart-connection that survives the "terrible twos" and the "tumultuous teens."
Why 40 Days?
Psychologically, there's something about that forty-day mark. It's long enough to break your old, reactive habits—like yelling the second you see a mess—and short enough to feel like there’s an end in sight. You aren't just reading; you're doing.
Breaking Down the Daily Dares
You don’t just wake up and decide to be a better parent. You need a roadmap. Each day of the love dare for parents tackles a different facet of the relationship.
One day might be about "The Dare of Encouragement." You spend the whole day looking for things your kid is doing right instead of pointing out the socks on the floor. It sounds simple. It’s actually incredibly hard if your default setting is "Manager/Enforcer" mode.
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Another day focuses on "The Dare of Listening." This means actually putting the phone down. Looking them in the eye. Not interrupting with a "well, when I was your age" story. Just listening. It’s wild how much kids open up when they realize they aren't being interrogated or lectured.
Then there are the harder days. The dares involving forgiveness or patience when you feel like you’re at your breaking point. These aren't just "nice ideas." They are behavioral interventions. By changing your response, you force a change in the family dynamic. If you stop pushing, they often stop pulling.
The Science of Connection
While the Kendrick brothers wrote this from a Christian perspective, the principles align remarkably well with modern attachment theory and interpersonal neurobiology. Dr. Daniel Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist, often talks about the "Four S’s"—children need to feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure.
The love dare for parents essentially gamifies these psychological needs. When you intentionally choose to be patient (Day 1), you’re providing safety. When you choose to notice their unique traits (Day 15), you’re helping them feel seen. It’s practical application of complex brain science, even if it’s packaged as a devotional.
The Misconceptions People Have
A lot of people think this is about "soft parenting." They assume that if you're doing a "love dare," you’re letting your kids walk all over you.
Nope.
Actually, it’s the opposite. It takes more strength to stay calm and loving while holding a boundary than it does to just blow up. Discipline is about teaching, not retribution. If you have no relationship with your child, your "discipline" is just noise to them. They’ll obey out of fear, maybe, but they won't respect the lesson.
The love dare for parents builds the "relational capital" you need. Think of it like a bank account. Every time you do a dare, you’re making a deposit. When you eventually have to have a hard conversation or set a firm limit, you’re drawing on that capital. If the account is empty, the transaction fails. Every single time.
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It Isn't Just for "Bad" Kids
Another big mistake? Thinking you only need this if your family is in crisis. Honestly, even "good" kids drift away from their parents. Life gets busy. Sports, school, friends, and screens all compete for a child's heart. This challenge acts as a recalibration for the whole house. It’s for the dad who realizes he hasn’t had a real conversation with his daughter in months. It’s for the mom who feels like she’s become a "nagging machine."
Facing the Hard Truths
Let's be real: some days you will fail the dare. You’ll read the day’s challenge about "not being irritable," and then someone will spill purple juice on the white rug, and you will lose it.
That’s okay.
The dare isn't about perfection; it's about direction. The book itself acknowledges that you’re going to mess up. The real test is what you do after you mess up. Do you apologize to your kid? That’s a "dare" in itself. Showing your children that you are human and that you value the relationship enough to admit you were wrong is arguably more powerful than never making a mistake in the first place.
The Role of Faith
It’s worth noting that the love dare for parents is heavily steeped in scripture. If you aren't religious, some of the language might feel a bit "churchy" for you. However, even secular parents find immense value in the action steps. Kindness, patience, and active listening aren't exclusive to any one belief system—they’re universal human needs. You can strip away the theological layers and still have a very effective 40-day behavioral modification program for your family.
Real-World Impact: What Happens After Day 40?
So, you finish the 40 days. What then?
The goal isn't to go back to the way things were. The goal is that these actions have become muscle memory. You start to notice that you’re pausing before you yell. You notice that your son is sticking around in the kitchen a little longer because he knows you’re actually going to listen.
It changes the "atmosphere" of the home.
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Research from the Gottman Institute—though usually focused on couples—shows that a "5:1 ratio" (five positive interactions for every one negative) is the hallmark of a healthy relationship. Most struggling parent-child relationships are at a 1:1 or worse. The love dare for parents aggressively shifts that ratio.
Actionable Steps to Get Started
If you're ready to try this, don't just dive in blindly.
First, get the book or a reliable app version. You need the structure. Trying to "just be nicer" isn't a plan; it's a wish.
Second, find an accountability partner. Whether it’s your spouse or a friend, you need someone to text when Day 20 feels impossible.
Third, don't tell your kids you're doing it. This is important. If you tell them, they might try to "test" you or see it as a gimmick. Just do the work in silence. Let the results speak for themselves.
Fourth, prepare for resistance. If you’ve had a rocky relationship, your child might be suspicious of your new behavior. They might even act out more at first to see if this "new you" is for real. Stay the course.
Fifth, focus on one child at a time if you have a big family and are feeling overwhelmed. While you can do the dares for all your kids, sometimes focusing your intentionality on the "squeakiest wheel" first yields the most dramatic results.
Ultimately, the love dare for parents is an investment in the long game. You aren't just raising kids; you’re raising future adults. You’re teaching them how to love by showing them what it looks like in practice, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
Next Steps for Implementation
- Purchase the physical book: Having a tangible place to write notes and check off days increases success rates compared to digital-only versions.
- Set a specific start date: Don't say "next week." Pick a Monday and commit.
- Identify your "Triggers": Before starting, write down the three things your child does that make you lose your cool. Being aware of these helps you navigate the dares involving patience.
- Morning Prep: Read the day's dare first thing in the morning—before you even get out of bed—so it's at the front of your mind before the chaos starts.