You're driving late at night. The radio is playing something from the mid-80s, and that jangly, shimmering guitar riff starts up. It’s The Bangles. But it’s not the goofy fun of "Walk Like an Egyptian." It’s something deeper, more frantic, and honestly, a bit painful. If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling through the if she knew what she wants lyrics while trying to figure out why your own relationship feels like a puzzle with missing pieces, you aren't alone.
It’s a song about indecision. It’s about the exhausting labor of trying to read someone’s mind when they don't even know what’s going on in there themselves.
The track was a massive hit for The Bangles in 1986, peaking at number 29 on the Billboard Hot 100, but the story behind those words is actually much older and a bit more complicated than most fans realize. Most people think Susanna Hoffs or one of the Petke sisters wrote it. They didn't. It’s actually a cover, and the shift in perspective from the original version to the hit we know today is where the real magic—and the real frustration—happens.
The Man Behind the Confusion
The song was actually penned by Jules Shear. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because he also wrote "All Through the Night," which Cyndi Lauper turned into a classic. Shear had this uncanny ability to write about the messy, non-linear way humans actually communicate. He released his version of "If She Knew What She Wants" on his 1985 album, The Eternal Return.
When a man sings these lyrics about a woman, it sounds like a plea for clarity. But when The Bangles took it and kept the third-person "she," it transformed into something more universal. It became a commentary on the "elusive she." It’s about a girl who has everything—beauty, rhythm, a life that looks perfect from the outside—but lacks a coherent internal compass.
The lyrics describe a person who "wants to live that glamorous life" but also "wants to be a simple wife." It’s that classic 80s tension between the career-woman ideal and traditional domesticity, yet it feels weirdly modern in our era of "having it all" burnout.
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That One Line That Destroys Everyone
There is a specific moment in the song that captures the essence of a crumbling relationship better than almost any other pop lyric: "He's let her go, but she won't go."
Think about that.
It’s the ultimate stalemate. One person has checked out emotionally, given the green light for the end, and yet the other person stays, hovering in the doorway, unable to commit to leaving or staying. It creates a vacuum of energy. The song suggests that she "walks around with her world in her hands," but because she can't decide which part of that world to keep, she ends up dropping it all.
Why the Production Style Matters
The Bangles’ version, produced by David Kahne for the Different Light album, is a masterpiece of power pop. You have these lush, four-part harmonies that sound like The Beatles or The Mamas & the Papas. It’s ironic, really. You have these perfectly blended, harmonious voices singing about someone who is completely out of sync with herself.
Susanna Hoffs handles the lead vocal with this breathy, vulnerable precision. She sounds like she’s trying to help this girl, but also like she’s judging her just a little bit. It’s the sound of a friend who is tired of hearing the same relationship drama for the tenth week in a row.
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The layers of 12-string guitar give it a "jangle" that masks the sadness. If you strip the music away and just read the if she knew what she wants lyrics as a poem, it’s actually quite dark. It’s a character study of a person paralyzed by their own potential.
Breakdowns and Misunderstandings
There’s a common misconception that the song is about a "fickle" woman. That feels like a surface-level take. If you look at the line "Some days she feels like she's on top of the world, and the next she's down in the street," it’s describing something closer to a mental health struggle or an identity crisis.
In the 80s, we didn't talk much about "imposter syndrome" or "decision fatigue." We just called it being "moody." But the lyrics suggest a much deeper disconnect. She is looking for a "vibe" or a "feeling" to tell her who she is, rather than deciding for herself.
It’s also worth noting the sheer complexity of the rhyme scheme. Shear didn't go for simple AABB rhymes. He used internal rhymes and enjambment—where one thought bleeds into the next line—which mirrors the cluttered, racing thoughts of the protagonist.
A Gender Shift in Perspective
When Jules Shear wrote it, he was the "he" in the song, looking at a "she."
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When The Bangles sang it, they didn't change the pronouns. This was a deliberate choice. By keeping the "she," the song becomes a mirror. It’s women singing about the pressures of being a woman. It’s about the internalised expectation that a woman should know exactly what she wants, be "easy" to understand, and provide a clear path for the men in her life.
The song admits, quite honestly, that sometimes we don't know. Sometimes the "values" we're supposed to have don't match the "glamour" we're told to chase.
The Lyrics as a Relationship Red Flag
If you find yourself relating too closely to the "he" in this song—the guy who says "he'd give her anything" if only she could name it—you're in the middle of a "moving goalpost" dynamic.
This is where the if she knew what she wants lyrics serve as a bit of a cautionary tale. You cannot fix someone else's indecision. The song ends not with a resolution, but with a lingering sense of "what if." There is no "happily ever after" because the "she" in the song hasn't done the internal work yet.
Key Takeaways from the Text
- Indecision is an Action: Choosing not to choose is a choice that affects everyone around you.
- The "Glamour" Trap: Chasing an image of a life often gets in the way of actually living one.
- The Power of "No": The protagonist can't say a firm "no" to anything, which means her "yes" doesn't mean much either.
The song resonates today because we live in an era of infinite choice. We have 500 types of cereal and 5,000 people on dating apps. The paralysis described in 1985 has only become more acute. We are all, at some point, the girl who "has her world in her hands" and no idea what to do with it.
Actionable Steps for Music Lovers and Lyric Sleuths
If you want to dive deeper into this specific era of songwriting or if the lyrics have hit a nerve regarding your own life, here is how to process it:
- Listen to the Jules Shear Original: Find the 1985 version. It’s moodier, less "shiny," and helps you see the skeletal structure of the song before the "Bangles gloss" was applied. It changes the emotional weight of the words entirely.
- Compare the Vocal Harmonies: Focus on the bridge of The Bangles' version. Notice how the voices pull apart and come back together. It’s a musical representation of a mind trying to find its center.
- Audit Your Own "Wants": If the line "she wants to be a simple wife" vs. "glamorous life" rings true for you, grab a notebook. List your "internal" wants (peace, stability) versus your "external" wants (status, career markers). Usually, the conflict in the song comes from trying to satisfy the external at the expense of the internal.
- Check Out "Eternal Flame": If you like the vocal delivery of this track, compare it to Susanna Hoffs' performance on "Eternal Flame." You can hear her evolution from the "group" sound to a confident solo storyteller who finally knows exactly what she wants.
The genius of the song isn't just the catchy melody. It's the fact that it refuses to give us a clean ending. Life is messy, people are confusing, and sometimes, the best you can do is write a really good pop song about the chaos.