Small talk is a slow death. You’re at a dinner party, or maybe sitting across from someone you’ve dated for three months, and you’re still talking about the weather, or work projects, or that one show on Netflix everyone already finished. It’s exhausting. We are more connected than ever—constantly pinging, liking, and DMing—yet a huge chunk of us feel totally isolated. This is where the Get Closer card game enters the room. It’s not a "game" in the sense that you win points or crush your enemies. It’s basically a tool for people who forgot how to ask the big questions.
The Get Closer card game was created by Vertellis, a brand that kind of obsessed over the idea that meaningful conversation shouldn't be an accident. They wanted to make something that forced people to put their phones face down and actually look at each other. It sounds simple, right? Just talk. But honestly, most of us are terrible at it. We stay on the surface because it’s safe. Deep questions feel risky. They feel heavy. This game lowers the barrier to entry for intimacy by making it a structured activity rather than an awkward, out-of-the-blue interrogation.
The Science of Why We’re So Awkward
Human connection isn't just a "vibe." It's biology. When we have meaningful interactions, our brains release oxytocin. This is the stuff that lowers stress and makes us feel like we belong. But you don't get an oxytocin hit from talking about your commute. You get it from vulnerability.
Arthur Aron, a psychologist known for his "36 Questions to Fall in Love," proved decades ago that "sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure" is the fastest way to build closeness between strangers. Vertellis and their Get Closer card game operate on this exact frequency. They aren’t reinventing the wheel; they’re just putting the wheel in a pretty box so you’ll actually use it. The questions move from "What are you grateful for?" to "What’s something you’ve struggled with lately that no one knows about?"
It's a progression. You don't start with the trauma. You build a bridge.
What's Actually Inside the Box?
Don't expect a deck of cards with "What’s your favorite color?" inside. That would be a waste of money. The Get Closer card game is usually divided into different categories or "rounds."
In the classic Vertellis Relationship Edition—which is often what people mean when they search for "get closer"—the focus is heavily on reflection. You’ll find questions categorized by:
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- Reflecting on the past: Looking at what has happened in the last few months.
- The present: How you are feeling right now, in this moment.
- The future: Dreams, anxieties, and what you’re manifesting.
The "Holiday Edition" is a bit more communal, meant for Thanksgiving tables or New Year's Eve parties where you're trying to navigate the weird tension of family dynamics without starting a fight about politics. It’s a clever pivot. Instead of talking about the news, you’re talking about "What was your biggest win this year?" It changes the energy of the room instantly.
Why the "Get Closer" Trend Exploded
Isolation is a modern epidemic. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General even issued an advisory calling loneliness a public health crisis. People are desperate for a way back to each other. The Get Closer card game became a viral hit because it’s an analog solution to a digital problem.
You’ve probably seen these cards on TikTok or Instagram. Influencers post videos of themselves crying over a card that asked them about their relationship with their parents. It’s "vulnerability porn" in a way, but the core of it is real. People are tired of the curated versions of their friends. They want the messy stuff.
There’s also the "We’re Not Really Strangers" (WNRS) effect. While WNRS is more about the aesthetic and the "look" of deep conversation, Vertellis feels a bit more grounded in long-term relationship maintenance. It’s less about the "cool" factor and more about the "I actually want to stay married to you" factor.
It’s Not Just for Couples
Common misconception: you need a partner to play. False.
I’ve seen people use these decks for "friend dates." Honestly, those can be even more awkward than romantic dates. When you’ve known someone for ten years, you think you know everything. Then a card asks, "What is a dream you’ve given up on?" and you realize you have no idea who the person sitting across from you actually is anymore. People change. We forget to update our internal maps of our friends.
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Does It Actually Work or Is It Just Cringe?
Look, if you’re a cynical person, it’s going to feel a little bit cringe at first. Reading a question off a card feels stiff. But here’s the thing—the structure is the point.
When you ask a hard question yourself, it feels like you're digging. When the card asks the question, you’re both just participants in a game. It removes the "why are you asking me this?" tension. The game is the "bad guy" or the "deep guy," not you.
Research from the Gottman Institute suggests that successful couples have a high level of "cognitive room" for their partner. They know their partner’s inner world. The Get Closer card game is basically a workout for that cognitive room. It forces you to update your data. If you haven't asked your spouse a deep question since 2019, you're living with a ghost of who they used to be.
Limitations and Red Flags
It’s not a therapist in a box. Let’s be clear.
If a relationship is fundamentally broken or toxic, a card game isn't going to fix it. In fact, if there’s deep-seated resentment, some of these questions might actually trigger an argument. "What do you appreciate about me?" can turn into "Nothing, because you never do the dishes."
You have to be in a headspace where you actually want to connect. If one person is checked out, the cards will just feel like a chore. It requires buy-in. You also shouldn't force it. If someone isn't ready to answer a specific question, let them pass. The goal is closeness, not an interrogation.
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How to Get the Most Out of Your Deck
If you just bought the Get Closer card game, don't just dump the cards on the table and start firing them off like a job interview. Context matters.
- Environment is everything. Dim the lights. Put the phones in another room. Seriously. If a phone buzzes while you’re talking about your childhood fears, the moment is dead.
- One card is enough. You don't have to go through the whole deck. Sometimes one really good question leads to a two-hour conversation. That’s a win. You don't "finish" this game.
- Be the first to be real. If you give a shallow answer, your partner will too. If you’re willing to be a little bit embarrassed or vulnerable, it gives the other person permission to do the same.
The Rise of the "Conversation Deck" Market
Vertellis isn't the only player here. The market for these games has grown massively in the last five years. You have "Actually Curious," which focuses on empathy and social issues. You have "School of Life" cards by Alain de Botton, which are more philosophical and high-brow. Then there’s "Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin," which focuses on stories and erotic intelligence.
Why does the Get Closer card game stay relevant? Accessibility. It’s not too "woo-woo" and it’s not too academic. It hits that middle ground where a normal family or a normal couple can use it without feeling like they’re in a sociology seminar.
Final Realities of Modern Connection
We are living in an era of "efficient" communication. We text because it’s faster. We react with emojis because it takes less effort than typing words. But efficiency is the enemy of intimacy. Intimacy is slow. It’s inefficient. It requires pauses and "umms" and "I don’t knows."
The Get Closer card game is a protest against efficiency. It’s a way to reclaim the hours we usually lose to scrolling and give them back to the people we actually care about. It’s a small investment—usually around twenty or thirty bucks—but the ROI on not feeling like a stranger in your own house is pretty high.
If you’re looking to actually use this tool, start with a "soft" night. Don't make it a big deal. Just bring the cards out during dinner. Don't call it "working on the relationship." Just call it a game. People like games. They’re scared of "work."
Actionable Steps for Better Conversations
To actually see a change in your relationships using these tools, follow this path:
- Audit your current "talk time." For one night, track how much of your conversation is logistical (schedules, kids, chores) versus personal. If it's 90% logistical, you need the cards.
- Pick the right edition. Don't buy the "Family Edition" for a first date. Don't buy the "Relationship Edition" for your coworkers. Match the deck to the dynamic.
- Set a "No-Fixing" rule. When someone answers a card, your job is to listen, not to solve their problems. Just say "Thank you for sharing that" or ask a follow-up question.
- Create a ritual. Many users find success making it a "Sunday Night Reflection." One card, two glasses of wine, no distractions.
- Write it down. If a particularly beautiful or surprising answer comes up, jot it down in a journal. These are the details that build a life together.
Building closeness is a muscle. If you haven't used it in a while, it’s going to be sore. You might feel awkward. You might want to quit and go back to watching TV. Stick with it. The discomfort is just the feeling of your world getting a little bit bigger.