Everyone jokes about it now. It’s a meme. You see it on Reddit or Twitter every time a TV show finale falls flat or a startup goes bust without ever making a profit. "Maybe the real treasure was the friendships we made along the way," people say with a heavy dose of irony. It’s a punchline for failure. But honestly? If you look at the data on loneliness and the actual psychology of long-term fulfillment, that meme is accidentally the most profound thing we’ve said in a decade.
We’re obsessed with the destination. We want the IPO, the degree, the 100k followers, or the finished marathon. We treat the people we meet during those grinds like background characters in our own personal biopic. That’s a mistake. A big one.
The reality of high-pressure environments—whether you’re in a high-growth tech firm or a grueling residency—is that the "goal" is often a moving target. Once you hit it, the dopamine spike lasts maybe forty-eight hours. Then it’s gone. What stays? The person who grabbed you a coffee when you were vibrating with anxiety at 2:00 AM.
The Science of Shared Trauma and Bonding
There is a reason why soldiers, survivors of natural disasters, and even people who worked at the same failing retail store in 2005 stay bonded for life. It’s called "identity fusion." Research published in Psychological Science suggests that shared negative experiences—what researchers call "shared dysphoria"—can create social bonds that are actually tighter than those forged through positive events.
It’s not just about having fun. It’s about the "we survived that" factor.
When you’re in the trenches with someone, your nervous systems synchronize. You aren’t just networking. You’re building a biological safety net. According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development—the longest-running study on human happiness ever conducted—the single strongest predictor of health and happiness as we age isn't money or fame. It is the quality of our relationships. Robert Waldinger, the current director of the study, is pretty blunt about it: loneliness kills. It’s as dangerous as smoking or obesity.
👉 See also: Sleeping With Your Neighbor: Why It Is More Complicated Than You Think
So, when we dismiss the friendships we made along the way as a consolation prize, we are literally devaluing the one thing that keeps us alive longer.
Why Corporate "Culture" Usually Fails at This
Companies try to manufacture this. They really do. They throw "forced fun" events at you, like axe throwing or those awkward Zoom happy hours that everyone hates. But you can't manufacture the organic camaraderie that comes from solving a real, difficult problem together.
Real friendship happens in the gaps.
It happens during the walk to the parking lot. It happens in the Slack DM where you both realize the project is headed for a cliff. It’s the "did you see that?" look across a conference table. These micro-interactions build a "shared reality."
In the gaming world, this is even more apparent. Think about World of Warcraft or Destiny. You might spend six months trying to beat a specific raid. Once you finally get the rare loot drop, you’re happy for a day. But the guild? The people you talked to on Discord every Tuesday night for three years? They become your actual support system. I’ve seen people fly across the world to attend the wedding of someone they "met" while killing a digital dragon. The game was just the excuse to find the people.
✨ Don't miss: At Home French Manicure: Why Yours Looks Cheap and How to Fix It
The Problem With "Networking"
Networking is gross. Most of us feel it. There’s actually a study from Administrative Science Quarterly that found people feel "physically dirty" when they engage in instrumental networking—the kind where you’re just looking for what someone can do for you.
Compare that to the friendships we made along the way. Those aren't transactional. They are transformative.
When you shift from "How can this person help my career?" to "We are both experiencing this specific moment in time together," the dynamic changes. You stop being a resume and start being a human. Paradoxically, these genuine connections often lead to more career opportunities than the "dirty" networking ever did. People hire people they like. People refer people they trust. Trust isn't built at a mixer; it’s built in the middle of a mess.
Life Transitions and the "Ghosting" Phenomenon
We have to talk about why these friendships often fade, though. It’s heartbreaking.
You leave the job. You graduate. The shared context vanishes. This is where the meme becomes a tragedy. If the friendship was only based on the "way" (the path you were on), it might not survive the destination. To turn a "situational friend" into a "life friend," you have to bridge the gap. You have to find a new "way" to walk together.
🔗 Read more: Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Menu: Why You’re Probably Ordering Wrong
It takes effort. It takes that awkward text: "Hey, I know we don't work together anymore, but I actually valued our chats. Want to grab a beer?"
Most people are too scared to send that text. They think it’s weird. It’s not. Most people are just sitting around waiting for someone else to initiate.
Actionable Ways to Value Your "Along the Way" People
If you want to actually capitalize on the social wealth you’re building right now, you have to be intentional. It’s not just going to happen by osmosis.
- Audit your "Trenches": Who are you struggling with right now? Whether it's a difficult parenting stage, a hard project, or a fitness goal. Acknowledge them. Literally say, "I'm glad I'm doing this with you." It sounds cheesy. Do it anyway.
- The 5-Minute Favor: Adopt the rule popularized by entrepreneur Adam Rifkin. If you can do something that takes less than five minutes to help a friend from a previous chapter of your life, do it without expecting anything back.
- Stop Optimizing Everything: If you spend every lunch break "leveling up" or listening to a productivity podcast, you’re missing the chance to actually meet the person sitting across from you. Turn off the podcast. Talk to the human.
- Document the Small Stuff: Take photos of the mess, not just the success. The photo of your team looking exhausted at a 10:00 PM takeout dinner will mean more to you in ten years than the photo of the award ceremony.
We are living in a time where "efficiency" is the god we all worship. We want the shortest path to the goal. But the shortest path is usually the loneliest. If you rush to the end, you arrive alone. And once you're at the top of whatever mountain you're climbing, you'll realize the view is okay, but it’s the conversation you had during the climb that you actually remember.
The "treasure" isn't a joke. It's the only thing that doesn't depreciate.
Next Steps for Long-term Connection:
Look at your calendar for the last month. Identify two people who were there for the "grind" parts—the boring meetings, the late nights, or the repetitive tasks. Send them a specific, short message mentioning a detail you appreciated about their presence. Don't ask for a favor. Just acknowledge the shared time. This small act moves a relationship from "contextual" to "personal," which is the only way to ensure the friendships we made along the way actually stay for the rest of the journey.