So, you want to join a cult.
In the sun-soaked, satire-drenched world of Los Santos, nothing captures the sheer absurdity of Southern California living quite like the Epsilon Program. It’s not just a side quest. Honestly, the epsilon missions GTA V offers are a grueling, expensive, and hilarious test of patience that most players either love or absolutely despise. Rockstar Games didn’t just make a parody of Scientology; they made a multi-hour commitment that forces you to walk five miles in a desert for literally no reason other than because a digital man in a turquoise suit told you to.
Kifflom.
If you’ve spent any time playing as Michael De Santa, you’ve probably seen the blue website. "Accept the Truth." It’s the starting point for a rabbit hole that costs you nearly $100,000 of in-game currency and several hours of your actual life. But why do we do it? Is it for the achievement? The "Kifflom!" trophy? Or is it because, deep down, we want to see just how far the developers were willing to go to troll their own audience? It turns out, they were willing to go pretty far.
Getting started with the Epsilon missions in GTA V
It starts with a survey.
You go to the Epsilon Program website on Michael’s phone. If you try doing this as Franklin or Trevor, the site basically tells you that you aren't the right "soul" for enlightenment. It’s a Michael-only journey. This makes sense from a narrative perspective because Michael is the exact demographic these groups target: rich, bored, miserable, and desperate for some kind of "higher purpose" that doesn't involve therapy or his family.
After completing the "Evaluation," a question mark appears in Raton Canyon. You go there, you get beat up by two guys in a red truck, and suddenly you’re part of the family. Well, sort of. You’re more like a "pawn" who needs to pay for the privilege of being a member. The first real task is just a donation. $500. It seems small. It’s a bait-and-switch.
Soon, the demands escalate. You aren't just giving money; you're becoming a glorified delivery driver. You’re tasked with finding five specific vehicles for the program. This isn't a "go to the waypoint" kind of mission. You actually have to scout the world. You need a Declasse Tornado, a Pegassi Vacca, a Benefactor Surano, an Enus Super Diamond, and a Dinka Double-T. If you’re lucky, you find them in traffic. If you’re unlucky, you’re spending hours circling the Rockford Hills parking lots.
Most players find the Vacca and the Super Diamond to be the biggest headaches. Pro tip: if you can’t find the Super Diamond in the wild, check the parking lots near the golf course or just buy it on the internet in-game if you've got the cash. It’s faster.
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The absurdity of "Exercising the Truth"
Let’s talk about the desert.
The mission "Exercising the Truth" is arguably the most infamous moment in the epsilon missions GTA V lineup. To prove your devotion to Cris Formage—the leader of the cult—you have to run five miles through the Grand Senora Desert. Not in a car. Not on a bike. On foot.
There is a counter on the screen. It tracks your distance.
If you leave the zone, the counter resets. If you die, the counter resets. It takes about 25 to 30 minutes of real-world time just holding down the sprint button. It’s mind-numbing. It’s boring. It’s brilliant. Rockstar is literally making you do "busy work" to simulate the experience of being brainwashed into a cult. Most people I know ended up rubber-banding their controllers or watching a Netflix show while Michael jogged in circles around the satellite dishes.
And then there's the outfit.
Before you can even do the desert run, you have to buy the Epsilon robes. They cost $25,000. Then you have to wear them for ten cumulative days. You can’t just skip time easily; you have to live in those blue pajamas. If you change out of them, the timer stops. It’s a commitment to the bit that few other games would dare to ask of their players. You’ll find yourself doing other side missions or just wandering around Los Santos looking like a total weirdo while the "days worn" notification slowly ticks up.
The big payout (or the big betrayal)
Everything leads to "Unknowing the Truth."
This is the final mission where you meet Cris Formage in person at the Epsilon Center in West Vinewood. You’re tasked with delivering a car full of cash—$2.1 million, to be exact—to a helicopter at the airport. At this point, you have a choice.
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- You can be a "good" Epsilonist and deliver the money. Your reward? A rusty tractor. A literal farm tractor that is slow, useless, and a slap in the face.
- You can betray them.
Honestly, almost everyone chooses the betrayal. As soon as you get the chance, you kill the guards, shoot down the helicopter, and drive away with the $2.1 million. It’s one of the best "hidden" paydays in the game, especially since Michael usually struggles for cash compared to Franklin and Trevor if you haven't played the stock market correctly.
But there’s a catch.
If you steal the money, Cris Formage will call you later and scream at you. It’s satisfying. But if you take the tractor, you get the satisfaction of "completing" the enlightenment journey, I guess? Most people prefer the two million. In a game about criminals, being a "loyal cultist" is the only thing that actually feels wrong.
Why the Epsilon Program matters in GTA lore
Rockstar has been building the Epsilon mythos since GTA: San Andreas. Back in the early 2000s, there were entire message boards dedicated to finding Epsilon "ghosts" or secret locations in the old game. By the time GTA V came out, the developers knew they had to deliver on the meme.
The writing here is some of the sharpest in the series. It mocks the self-help industry, organized religion, and the celebrity-obsessed culture of Los Angeles. The "tract" you have to collect after the missions are over—the Epsilon Tracts—contains some of the most nonsensical, hilarious "holy" text ever written. "The world is 157 years old - fact!" or "Sperm does not exist - it is a lie thought up by biologists."
It’s dense. It’s stupid. It’s perfect.
Even the Epsilon website in the real world (yes, Rockstar actually hosted a real-life teaser site for years) was part of this deep-level world-building. It makes the world of Los Santos feel lived-in. These missions aren't just content; they are the soul of the game’s satirical edge.
What most players get wrong about the requirements
I see a lot of people complaining that the missions aren't appearing. Usually, it's because they haven't checked their email or the website lately. The game doesn't always ping you. You have to be proactive.
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Also, the "Bearing the Truth" mission—the one where you buy the robes—won't progress unless you actually buy them from the Epsilon website. People wait around for a map icon that never shows up because they haven't spent the $25k yet. The cult wants your money first. Always.
Another weird glitch? The "five miles in the desert" counter. Sometimes, if you run too close to the edge of the "Epsilon Territory" (the desert area), the game thinks you’ve left and wipes your progress. Stay near the center. Don't try to be clever and run toward the city.
Quick Checklist for the Frustrated:
- The Robes: Buy them for $25,000 via the in-game site. Wait 24 hours for delivery. Wear them for 10 straight days. Sleep in Michael's bed to advance time faster.
- The Vehicles: The Enus Super Diamond is the hardest. If it won't spawn, check the "South Los Santos" area or buy it.
- The Money: You need a total of about $90,000 to $100,000 to finish the whole questline. Don't start this if you're broke.
The Actionable Path Forward
If you haven't finished the epsilon missions GTA V has tucked away, you're missing out on the best Michael-specific content in the game. It provides a layer of character development—or devolution—that the main story lacks. It shows Michael at his most gullible and his most cynical.
To get through it without losing your mind, don't try to power through the "10 days in robes" or the "5-mile run" in one sitting. Do it while you're doing other things. Put Michael in the robes, then go play as Franklin for a while. The clock for the robes only ticks while Michael is the active character, but you can use the "Sleep" mechanic (without actually saving) to advance time by 6 hours at a time. Do that 40 times. It’s faster than waiting.
Once you hit the final mission, save your game. If you want the "Gold" medal for the mission, you have to kill everyone and escape with the money. It’s much more rewarding than a rusty tractor.
Go to the Epsilon website on Michael’s phone right now. Take the evaluation. See where it leads. Just remember: the truth is expensive, but the betrayal is profitable.
Kifflom, brother-brother.