You know that person. The one who just won’t stop. They talk and talk and talk and talk until your ears feel like they’re going to fall off. We usually roll our eyes. We call it "oversharing" or "rambling." But honestly? There is something much deeper happening when people hit that flow state of verbal expression. It isn't just noise.
Talking is a survival mechanism.
Think about it. When you’re stressed, what’s the first thing you do? You grab a phone. You find a friend. You vent. You engage in that repetitive, circular dialogue that feels like a treadmill for your mouth. Psychologists often look at this through the lens of External Processing. Some people literally cannot understand what they think until they hear themselves say it out loud. It’s a cognitive bypass.
The Science of Verbal Ruminating
There is a specific phenomenon called "co-rumination." Dr. Amanda Rose at the University of Missouri has spent years looking at how this works, especially in friendships. It’s basically when two people talk and talk and talk and talk about the same problems over and over. Now, there's a catch here. If you just focus on the negative, it can actually make you more depressed. It’s a weird loop. But, if you’re using that verbal energy to problem-solve, it builds some of the strongest social bonds known to man.
It’s about the "we."
When we engage in long-form conversation, our brains do something called neural coupling. A study from Princeton University used fMRI scans to show that when a speaker and a listener are deeply engaged, their brain activity actually starts to mirror each other. The listener’s brain patterns follow the speaker’s with a slight delay. Sometimes, the listener even anticipates what’s coming next, and their brain lights up before the speaker finishes the sentence.
That’s wild.
Why Some People Can’t Stop
Hyperverbosity is a real thing. It’s sometimes called "pressured speech." You see it in bipolar disorder during manic phases, or sometimes in people with ADHD who have lower impulse control in the prefrontal cortex. Their brains are moving at 200 mph. The words are just trying to keep up.
But for most of us, it's just personality.
Extroverts get energy from this. Introverts? They’re the ones sitting there wondering when the exit strategy becomes socially acceptable. But even for the quiet types, the act of long-form talking serves as a "brain dump." It clears the cache.
The Business of Constant Communication
In the corporate world, we’ve been told to be concise. "Keep it brief." "Elevator pitch." "Bullet points."
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It’s mostly bad advice.
The most successful leaders often talk and talk and talk and talk to build culture. Look at Steve Jobs and his "Reality Distortion Field." It wasn't just a gimmick. It was a relentless, repetitive verbal onslaught of vision. He didn't just say a thing once. He said it a thousand times in a thousand different ways until the people around him believed it was the only truth.
Repetition creates familiarity. Familiarity creates trust.
The Illusion of Truth Effect
There’s a cognitive bias called the "Illusion of Truth." It’s simple: the more you hear a statement, the more likely you are to believe it’s true. Even if it’s totally false. This is why politicians and marketers use the same phrases over and over. They know that if they talk and talk and talk and talk using the same key points, your brain will eventually flag that information as "safe" and "verified."
It’s a bit scary.
But you can use it for good. Positive self-talk works on the same principle. You’re essentially brainwashing yourself into confidence.
When Talk and Talk and Talk and Talk Becomes a Problem
We’ve all been trapped. You’re at a party. You’ve got your drink. You’re looking for any excuse to leave, but this person is still going. They’re onto their third story about their cat’s dental surgery.
This is the "Conversational Narcissism" trap.
Sociologist Charles Derber wrote about this in his book The Pursuit of Attention. He describes "shift-responses" versus "support-responses."
- Shift-response: "Oh, you're tired? I stayed up until 4 AM finishing a report." (The talker shifts the focus back to themselves).
- Support-response: "Oh, man, why are you so tired? Did you not sleep well?" (The listener keeps the focus on the other person).
If you are the one who tends to talk and talk and talk and talk, you’re probably a shift-response addict. You aren’t trying to be mean. You’re just trying to relate. But to the other person, it feels like you’re stealing the microphone.
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The 80/20 Rule of Socializing
If you want to be liked, you actually shouldn't be the one talking.
A Harvard study found that talking about ourselves triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money. It activates the meso-limbic dopamine system. So, when you let someone else talk and talk and talk and talk, you are literally giving them a hit of dopamine. You are a drug dealer for their ego.
That’s how you make friends. Listen more than you speak.
Practical Strategies for the Verbose
If you know you have a tendency to run over people with words, you don't have to just shut up. That's boring. And it's not who you are. Instead, you need to learn how to direct the flow.
The "Traffic Light" Rule
Marty Nemko, a career coach, has a great system for this.
- Green Light: For the first 30 seconds of speaking, you’re in the green. People are listening. They like you.
- Yellow Light: Between 30 and 60 seconds, the light turns yellow. The listener is starting to lose focus. They might be looking for a chance to jump in.
- Red Light: At the 60-second mark, you’re in the red. Stop. Ask a question. Check-in.
It’s a game-changer.
Watch the Eyes
People tell you they’re bored with their faces long before they say it with their words. Look for the "glazed over" look. If their eyes are wandering around the room, you've lost them. If they’re nodding rhythmically—nod, nod, nod—they aren't listening. They’re waiting for you to breathe so they can leave.
Turning Talk into Action
The biggest criticism of people who talk and talk and talk and talk is that they never do.
"All talk, no action."
But the two aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, many high-performers use talk as a precursor to action. They talk through the mechanics of a project to find the holes. They vocalize their commitments to create accountability. If I tell ten people I’m going to run a marathon, I’m much more likely to do it because I don't want to look like a liar.
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Insights for a Louder World
The world isn't getting any quieter. From podcasts that run for four hours to TikTokers who rapid-fire information at us, we are surrounded by people who talk and talk and talk and talk.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed.
But there’s a beauty in the sprawl. There is a reason we don't just communicate in binary code. We need the nuance. We need the tangents. Sometimes the best part of a conversation is the "useless" bit in the middle where you both realize you have a shared obsession with 90s cartoon theme songs.
That doesn't happen in a "briefing."
Actionable Next Steps
If you want to master the art of the long-winded (or survive it), here is what you do:
If you talk too much:
Record yourself in a meeting or a casual conversation. It’s painful. You’ll hate your voice. You’ll notice every "um" and "like." But you will also see exactly where you lost the room. Use the 60-second rule mentioned above. Force yourself to ask three questions for every one story you tell. It feels weird at first, but it makes you a magnet for people.
If you’re stuck with a talker:
Don't be a victim. Use "paraphrasing" to end the loop. Interrupt politely with: "Wait, so what you're saying is [summarize their point in 5 seconds]. That's crazy! Anyway, I’ve got to go grab some water/check on the host." Summarizing tells their brain that the message was received. Usually, people keep talking because they don't feel "heard." Once you prove you heard them, they often let go.
If you’re an external processor:
Get a voice memo app. If you need to talk and talk and talk and talk to figure out a problem, don't wait for a human. Talk to your phone while you’re driving. Play it back. You’ll be shocked at how much clarity you get from just hearing your own logic out loud.
Communication is a tool. It's a weapon. It's a bridge. Whether you're using it to build a multi-billion dollar company or just trying to explain to your spouse why the dishwasher needs to be loaded a specific way, the mechanics are the same. Stop viewing "too much talk" as a flaw. Start viewing it as a raw resource that just needs a bit of refining.
Learn the rhythm. Master the pause. And never be afraid to let a conversation go long if it's headed somewhere real.