You’re sitting on a couch—or maybe staring at a pixelated version of a human on a laptop screen—and the silence starts to stretch. It’s been ten seconds. Now twenty. You realize you’re staring at a specific mole on your therapist’s neck or wondering if that’s a real plant in the corner or a high-end IKEA fake. You want to speak, but your brain feels like a frozen browser tab. This is exactly what people mean when they say sometimes therapy is awkward. It isn’t always a breakthrough montage with swelling violin music; often, it’s just two people in a room trying to navigate the clunky, messy business of being alive.
Most people expect therapy to feel like a high-stakes confession or a deeply intellectual debate. Then they get there and realize they have to explain their entire childhood to a stranger who just nodded and asked, "How does that make you feel?" for the third time in forty minutes. It’s uncomfortable. It's clunky. Honestly, it’s a bit bizarre if you think about the power dynamic for more than five seconds. But that friction? That’s usually where the actual work happens.
The "Professional Stranger" Paradox
We don't talk enough about how weird the setup is. You are paying someone to know your deepest secrets, yet you probably don't even know if they have a dog or like cilantro. This inherent imbalance is a huge reason why sometimes therapy is awkward. Dr. Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, frequently highlights that the therapeutic relationship is unique because it’s one-sided by design. In any other social setting, if you talked about yourself for 50 minutes without asking the other person a single question, you’d be a jerk. In therapy, that’s the literal contract.
Breaking those social norms feels wrong to our brains. We are wired for reciprocity. When we don't get it, we feel exposed. You might find yourself making jokes just to fill the silence or asking your therapist how their weekend was, not because you actually care about their hiking trip, but because the silence feels like a physical weight.
When the Silence Becomes a Character
Silences in therapy aren't like silences at a dinner party. At a party, silence is a failure. In a clinical setting, silence is often a tool. Therapists are trained to hold space, which is a fancy way of saying they are waiting for you to stop performing.
We spend most of our lives performing. We're "fine" at work. We're "busy" with friends. When you sit in a room where you don't have to be anything, your brain panics. It tries to fill the gap with "productive" talk. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do when sometimes therapy is awkward is to just sit in that weirdness. According to the American Psychological Association, the "therapeutic alliance"—the bond between you and your provider—is the greatest predictor of success. That bond isn't built on constant talking; it's built on staying in the room when things get uncomfortable.
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Common "Cringe" Moments That Are Actually Normal
- The Accidental Run-In: You see your therapist at the grocery store. You’re holding a bag of frozen pizza and wearing sweatpants. They are buying kale. You both freeze. This is the peak of awkwardness, but it’s also a reminder that they are just a person with a job.
- The Crying Fugue: You start sobbing so hard you can't talk, and they just sit there handing you tissues. You feel like a toddler. They see it as a nervous system release.
- The "I Have Nothing to Say" Session: You show up, pay your copay, and realize your week was totally boring. You end up talking about a dream you had about a giant squirrel.
- The Misinterpreted Nod: You say something profound, and they just blink. You wonder if they’re bored or if you’re not as deep as you thought.
Why Your Brain Wants to Quit When it Gets Weird
There is a psychological phenomenon called resistance. It’s not a bad thing; it’s a defense mechanism. When you get close to a topic that actually matters—something painful or shameful—your brain will find any excuse to deflect. Making the session "too awkward" is a great deflection.
You might start thinking, My therapist doesn't get me, or This is a waste of time. Sometimes that’s true. But often, it’s just your ego trying to protect you from the vulnerability of being seen. If you can name the awkwardness, the power of it usually dissolves. Tell them: "I feel really weird right now." Or: "I’m annoyed that you’re just staring at me." A good therapist will thank you for that honesty. It’s "grist for the mill," as they say.
The Science of Relational Friction
Research into "rupture and repair" suggests that the moments where the connection feels off are actually the most healing. A study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology notes that when a therapist and patient navigate a misunderstanding or a moment of tension, the relationship becomes stronger than if the tension had never existed.
It mimics real life. In the real world, people let us down, they don't listen, or things get weird. Therapy is a laboratory. If you can handle the fact that sometimes therapy is awkward and stay in the chair, you’re practicing for your marriage, your friendships, and your boss. You’re learning that a moment of discomfort isn't an ending.
When It’s Not Just "Awkward" (The Red Flags)
There is a difference between the healthy awkwardness of growth and a genuine lack of fit. You shouldn't feel judged, shamed, or unsafe. If the awkwardness stems from your therapist making inappropriate comments, checking their watch constantly, or forgetting major details you’ve shared multiple times, that’s not "the process"—that’s poor practice.
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Trust your gut. If you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall that also happens to be condescending, it’s time to move on. But if the awkwardness is just... social friction? Push through it.
Actionable Steps to Handle the Weirdness
If you’re currently in a "it’s weird" phase of treatment, don't ghost your provider. Try these specific tactics to pivot the energy.
1. Call it out immediately
The next time there is a long silence and you feel your skin crawling, say it. "This silence is making me want to jump out of my skin." This turns the awkwardness from an obstacle into the actual topic of the session. It shifts you from being a victim of the vibe to an observer of it.
2. Ask for more structure
Not everyone thrives in "open-ended" talk therapy. If the lack of direction is what’s making it feel weird, ask for homework or a specific agenda. It is okay to say, "I think I work better with specific prompts. Can we try that today?"
3. Lean into the physical sensation
When the awkwardness hits, where do you feel it? Is your chest tight? Are you tapping your foot? Sometimes we use words to escape our bodies. If you’re stuck, stop talking and just notice what your body is doing. Share that observation. "I noticed every time I talk about my mom, I start picking at my cuticles."
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4. Check your expectations
Are you expecting your therapist to be your friend? A mentor? A parent? If you’re looking for a specific kind of validation and not getting it, that gap creates awkwardness. Re-evaluate what you’re actually there for. You aren't there to be liked; you’re there to get better.
5. The 10-Minute Rule
Commit to the first ten minutes being "the worst." Usually, the awkwardness is highest at the start of the session as you transition from your busy day into the therapeutic space. Give yourself a grace period to settle in before you judge the quality of the hour.
6. Change the medium
If in-person eye contact is too intense and making you shut down, see if your therapist offers "walk and talk" sessions or try a virtual session where the screen provides a slight buffer. Sometimes a change in environment breaks the psychological "stuckness."
Therapy is one of the only places in modern society where you are allowed—and encouraged—to be boring, messy, and silent. We spend so much energy being "on" for everyone else that "off" feels like a mistake. It isn't. The awkwardness is often just the sound of your old coping mechanisms grinding gears because they don't know what to do in a space that doesn't demand perfection. Keep showing up. The weirdness usually means you're getting close to something real.
Immediate Next Steps:
At your next session, don't wait for your therapist to start. Lead with the most uncomfortable thought you had this week, even if it’s about the therapy itself. If you’ve been dreading the appointment because it feels "stale," make that the first sentence out of your mouth. Radical transparency is the fastest way to kill the kind of awkwardness that hinders progress.