Shonda Rhimes was terrified. That sounds fake, right? The woman who basically owned Thursday night television, the mastermind behind Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal, the "Titan" of Hollywood—she was supposedly living the dream. But in reality, she was a shut-in. Not the kind who stays in pajamas all day, but the kind who builds a massive, glittering life and then hides inside it. She said "no" to everything. No to invitations, no to speaking engagements, no to live TV, no to anything that pushed her outside the comfortable, predictable walls of her writers' room.
Then her sister, Delorse, dropped a six-word bomb while they were prepping Thanksgiving dinner: "You never say yes to anything."
That was the spark for the Year of Yes Shonda Rhimes eventually turned into a cultural phenomenon. It wasn’t just a New Year’s resolution that fizzled out by February. It was a radical, scary, and often sweaty experiment in social courage that fundamentally changed how she parented, worked, and saw herself. If you think this is just another "self-help" story about being positive, you’re missing the point. It was actually about a high-functioning introvert reclaiming her life from the grip of a very specific, very loud type of anxiety.
The Six-Word Wake-Up Call
It’s funny how the people who know us best can dismantle our entire ego with one sentence. When Delorse made that comment, Shonda didn't just disagree; she was offended. She was a busy mogul! She had three shows on the air! Of course she said yes to things!
But she didn't.
She realized she was using her "busyness" as a shield. It’s a classic move. If you’re "too busy," you have a valid excuse to avoid the things that make your heart race or your palms sweat. For Shonda, that meant avoiding the spotlight at all costs. She was the woman behind the curtain, and she liked it there. The Year of Yes Shonda committed to wasn't about saying yes to more work—she already had plenty of that. It was about saying yes to the things that terrified her.
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What "Yes" Actually Looked Like
A lot of people misunderstand the "Year of Yes" concept. They think it means being a pushover or saying yes to every annoying request that hits their inbox. It was the opposite.
One of the first big "yeses" was a commencement speech at Dartmouth, her alma mater. Now, if you've seen the video, she looks composed. She looks like a pro. But inside? She was dying. She describes the physical sensation of panic in her book—the "hum" in her ears, the dry mouth, the absolute certainty that she was going to pass out or vomit in front of thousands of people. She did it anyway.
She said yes to appearing on The Jimmy Kimmel Show. She said yes to acting (a tiny part on The Mindy Project). She even said yes to playing with her kids, even when she was exhausted and just wanted to stare at a wall.
The "No" Side of Yes
Here is the part people usually gloss over: To say yes to the right things, Shonda had to start saying a very firm "no" to the wrong ones.
She had to say no to people-pleasing. She had to say no to "friends" who were actually just energy vampires. She had to say no to the toxic expectation that she could do everything for everyone without ever replenishing herself. She lost weight—over 100 pounds—not because she hated her body, but because she finally said "yes" to her own health and "no" to using food as a coping mechanism for stress.
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The Social Anxiety of a Titan
It's actually kinda wild to realize that the person writing these incredibly bold, outspoken characters like Olivia Pope and Christina Yang was struggling to maintain eye contact at a cocktail party.
We tend to think that success cures insecurity. It doesn't. It usually just gives you a bigger platform to feel insecure on. Shonda talks about the "Badassery" she had to cultivate. It wasn't about being perfect; it was about being present.
Why We Are Still Talking About This in 2026
You’d think a book published in 2015 would be dated by now. It’s not. If anything, our "no" culture has gotten worse. We hide behind screens. We "soft ghost" people. We use burnout as a personality trait.
The Year of Yes Shonda Rhimes documented is essentially a blueprint for getting unstuck. It’s about the "hum." Shonda describes the "hum" as that state of flow where you’re firing on all cylinders, where work feels like magic and life feels aligned. She had lost her hum. She was just grinding. By forcing herself into uncomfortable spaces, she found the frequency again.
Real Talk: The Risks of Saying Yes
Let’s be honest. Saying yes to everything can be a disaster if you don't have boundaries. Shonda wasn't advocating for anarchy. She was advocating for a specific type of bravery.
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There are critics who say, "Well, it’s easy for a millionaire to say yes to things." Sure, she had resources. She had nannies. She had a team. But money doesn't fix social anxiety. Money doesn't make a commencement speech less terrifying. The emotional labor of the Year of Yes Shonda undertook was universal. Whether you’re a mogul or a mid-level manager, the fear of looking stupid is the same.
Actionable Steps: How to Start Your Own Version
You don't need a book deal to do this. You just need to be tired of your own excuses.
- Identify your "No" pattern. Do you say no to social invites? Do you say no to new projects at work because you're scared of failing? Figure out what you're avoiding.
- The "Yes" is for the fear, not the chore. Don't say yes to doing someone else's laundry. Say yes to the thing that makes you nervous-excited.
- Embrace the "Sweaty Palms." If you aren't nervous, it isn't a "Year of Yes" moment. It's just a Tuesday.
- The 15-Minute Rule. Shonda realized that saying "yes" to playing with her kids for just 15 minutes, fully present, was better than being in the room but on her phone for two hours.
- Learn to say No to the "Fakers." This is the most important part. Say no to the expectations that aren't yours.
The Legacy of the Experiment
Ultimately, the Year of Yes Shonda Rhimes embarked upon wasn't about becoming a different person. It was about becoming the person she already was, but was too scared to show.
She stopped being a "zombie." That’s her word. She woke up.
If you're feeling like you're just going through the motions, maybe it's time to look at your own "no" list. What are you protecting yourself from? And what is that protection costing you? The most "badass" thing you can do is admit you're scared and then walk right into the middle of whatever is frightening you.
Start small. Say yes to one thing today that you would usually decline out of habit or fear. Don't overthink it. Just say the word and see what happens. The world usually doesn't end; in fact, it usually just begins.
Next Steps for Living Your Own Year of Yes:
- Audit your last 5 "nos." Write them down. Were they based on logic or fear? If it was fear, reach back out and change your answer.
- Define your "Badassery." Write a one-sentence description of the version of you that isn't afraid. Refer to it when an intimidating opportunity arises.
- Set a "Yes" Boundary. Pick one category of life (like health or social connection) where you will commit to saying "yes" for the next 30 days, regardless of your initial gut reaction to hide.