Everyone feels like they’re faking it sometimes. You wake up, check your notifications, and immediately feel behind. It’s heavy. That weight isn't just "stress" or "Monday blues." It’s a collective dimming of the lights. Honestly, shining in the darkness isn't about some toxic positivity where you smile through a crisis or pretend everything is fine when your bank account is empty and your heart is heavy. It's much grittier than that.
Light is a literal physical requirement for life, but metaphorically, we're all struggling to keep ours lit.
The world is loud. It's fast. It’s increasingly dark for a lot of people dealing with economic shifts or just the general exhaustion of the 24-hour news cycle. But here’s the thing: you can’t see a candle in a brightly lit room. You only see it when the power goes out. That’s the paradox. Your best traits—your resilience, your weird sense of humor, your ability to listen—actually matter more when things are falling apart.
The Science of Resilience and Light
What does it actually mean to shine? Biologically, we aren't bioluminescent like deep-sea fish, though that would be pretty cool. In psychology, "shining" is often linked to Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). This isn't just "bouncing back." It's bouncing forward. Researchers Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, who coined the term in the 1990s, found that people who go through intense periods of "darkness"—loss, health crises, or massive failure—often develop a deeper appreciation for life and a more resilient self-image.
They don't just survive. They change their frequency.
Think about the "Light Bulb Effect" in cognitive science. It’s that moment of sudden insight. But you can't get to that "aha!" moment without the struggle that precedes it. If you're currently in a dark spot, your brain is actually rewiring itself to find new solutions. It’s uncomfortable. It’s painful. It’s also where the growth happens.
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Why Most People Get It Wrong
People think shining means being the loudest person in the room. They think it’s about success. It isn’t. Honestly, most "successful" people are some of the dimmest bulbs because they're terrified of losing what they have. True shining is an internal state. It’s about integrity.
Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, wrote about this in Man’s Search for Meaning. He observed that in the unimaginable darkness of concentration camps, the people who "shone" were those who gave away their last piece of bread to someone else. They maintained their humanity when everything else was stripped away. That is the purest form of shining in the darkness. It’s a choice made in the absence of a reward.
How to Find Your Spark When You’re Exhausted
You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s a cliché because it’s true. If you’re trying to be a beacon for others but you’re running on three hours of sleep and a diet of caffeine and anxiety, you’re going to flicker out.
- Audit your energy leaks. Who makes you feel tired? What apps make you feel like garbage? Cut them.
- Focus on the "Micro-Win." Did you make your bed? Great. Did you send that one scary email? Awesome.
- Practice Radical Authenticity. Stop trying to be the "polished" version of yourself. People are drawn to the cracks because that’s where the light gets in—shout out to Leonard Cohen for that one.
Sometimes, shining is just staying curious. When everything feels dark, asking "I wonder what happens next?" is a revolutionary act. It’s a refusal to let the story end on a low note.
The Role of Community in Staying Lit
Isolation is the ultimate light-killer. There’s a reason why, in many cultures, the first thing people do when someone is grieving is bring them food and sit with them. They are literally sharing their warmth.
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Modern life is designed to isolate us. We’ve got "friends" on social media but no one to call at 2:00 AM. To start shining in the darkness, you have to find your tribe. Or better yet, be the person who builds the campfire. You don't need a thousand people. You need two or three who see you.
The Myth of the "Perfect" Life
We’ve been sold a lie that if we buy the right products or follow the right "morning routine," we’ll never have to deal with the dark. That’s nonsense. Life is cyclical. There will always be winters. There will always be night.
The goal isn't to eliminate the darkness. That’s impossible. The goal is to develop a self-contained power source.
In business, this is called Anti-fragility. Nassim Taleb talks about things that actually get better under stress. Wind extinguishes a candle but energizes a fire. You want to be the fire. You want the challenges of your life to be the fuel that makes you burn brighter, not the gust that blows you out.
Actionable Steps to Shift Your Frequency
If you’re feeling dim, start with these specific, tangible moves. Don't do all of them. Pick one that doesn't feel like a chore.
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- The 5-Minute Brain Dump: Write down everything that’s weighing on you. Don't edit. Just get it out of your head and onto paper. This externalizes the "darkness."
- Physical Movement: I know, I know. You don't want to go for a run. But even a 10-minute walk changes your neurochemistry. It moves the stagnant energy.
- Service Over Self: When you're stuck in your own head, do something for someone else. Send a "thank you" text to a mentor. Buy a coffee for the person behind you. It shifts your focus from your own lack to your ability to give.
- Curate Your Input: If you're constantly consuming "doomscrolling" content, your internal light will fade. Replace 20 minutes of news with 20 minutes of something that inspires you—a biography of someone who overcame odds, or a documentary about the cosmos.
Shining in the Darkness: Why It Matters Now
We are living through a period of massive transition. Old systems are breaking. People are scared. In this environment, your ability to remain calm, kind, and hopeful is a superpower. It’s not just for you; it’s for everyone around you.
Hope is a discipline. It’s not a feeling you wait for; it’s a muscle you build. You choose to see the potential for light even when it’s pitch black. You choose to keep going because you know the dawn is an astronomical certainty.
When you decide to start shining in the darkness, you give others permission to do the same. It’s a chain reaction. One person holds a light, then another, then another. Suddenly, the darkness isn't so scary anymore. It's just a backdrop for something beautiful.
Next Steps for Moving Forward
To maintain your internal light, you need a sustainable practice. This isn't a one-time fix; it's a daily recalibration.
Start by identifying your "Power Sources." These are the specific activities, people, or environments that make you feel energized. Maybe it’s gardening. Maybe it’s coding. Maybe it’s playing with your dog. Make these non-negotiable parts of your week.
Second, set boundaries around your "Drainers." If a specific social media platform or a certain "friend" always leaves you feeling depleted, minimize your exposure. You are the guardian of your own energy.
Finally, recognize that "shining" doesn't have to be spectacular. It can be a quiet, steady glow. It’s the persistence of showing up, day after day, and refusing to become cynical. That quiet persistence is the most durable light there is. Focus on the next right thing, keep your integrity intact, and trust that the brightness will return.