You’ve seen the phrase. It’s plastered across TikTok captions, scribbled in the margins of journals, and whispered by women staring into their bathroom mirrors after a particularly long Tuesday. She's imperfect but she tries. It sounds simple, maybe even a little cliché at first glance, but there is a massive psychological weight behind those five words that resonates with millions. Honestly, in a world that demands high-definition perfection and curated excellence, admitting to being a work in progress is a radical act.
We are living through a period of intense burnout. It isn't just about work anymore; it's about the performance of "having it all." But people are tired. They're exhausted by the filtered reality of Instagram and the relentless hustle of LinkedIn. That’s exactly why the sentiment of she's imperfect but she tries has moved from a catchy song lyric into a full-blown cultural philosophy. It’s a soft place to land.
The Psychological Power of "The Try"
Why does this specific phrasing hit so hard? Psychologically, it shifts the focus from the outcome to the process. Dr. Carol Dweck, a Stanford psychologist famous for her work on "growth mindset," has spent decades proving that when we value effort over innate talent or perfect results, we actually become more resilient. When someone adopts the mantra of she's imperfect but she tries, they are essentially giving themselves permission to fail without losing their identity.
It’s about the messy middle.
Think about the last time you started something new. Maybe it was a workout routine or trying to cook something that didn't come out of a microwave. You probably sucked at it. Most people do. But the shame of being "imperfect" often stops us before we even get a week in. By leaning into the "try," you're stripping away the ego. You're acknowledging that the burnt edges of the lasagna or the shaky three-mile run are better than the version of you that stayed on the couch because she was afraid of looking stupid.
Where the Phrase Actually Comes From
While it’s a universal feeling, the specific phrasing gained massive traction through Sara Bareilles' hit song "She Used to Be Mine" from the musical Waitress. The lyrics describe a woman looking at her current self—bruised, messy, and unrecognizable—and remembering the girl she used to be.
"She is messy, but she's kind / She is lonely most of the time / She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie / She is gone, but she used to be mine."
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The line "she's imperfect but she tries" became the emotional anchor for the entire show. It isn't just a song; it's an autopsy of a soul. It’s about a character, Jenna, who is stuck in an abusive relationship and an unplanned pregnancy, trying to find her way back to herself. It’s messy. It isn't a "girl boss" anthem about winning. It’s a song about surviving.
This is likely why it exploded on social media. It wasn't just theater nerds listening; it was everyone who felt like they were failing at the "standard" version of adulthood. It gave a voice to the silent struggle of just showing up.
The Toxic Perfectionism Trap
Social media is a liar. We know this, yet we still fall for it. A 2021 study published in Psychological Bulletin found that perfectionism has been increasing significantly among college students over the last 30 years. There’s this relentless pressure to be "optimized." We aren't just supposed to have a job; we’re supposed to have a "career." We aren't just supposed to eat; we’re supposed to "fuel."
She's imperfect but she tries acts as an antidote to this.
It’s okay if your house isn't "aesthetic." It’s okay if your kids ate cereal for dinner. Honestly, it's okay if you're just getting by today. The "try" is the victory. When you stop chasing the 10/10 version of your life, you actually start living the 7/10 version, which is infinitely more fun and way less stressful.
Why Men and Women Relate Differently
While the phrase is gendered, the sentiment is universal, though it hits differently across the board. For many women, the "imperfect" part feels like a confession. There is a societal expectation for women to be the primary caregivers, the emotional anchors, and the polished professionals simultaneously. Admitting imperfection feels like breaking a contract.
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For men, the "tries" part often resonates with the quiet pressure to provide and succeed. But the female-centric nature of the phrase allows for a specific type of vulnerability. It’s an admission that the "superwoman" trope is dead. And honestly? Good riddance. Nobody could breathe in that cape anyway.
Reclaiming the "Messy" Narrative
How do you actually live this out without it just being a cute quote on a mug? It starts with radical honesty.
I remember talking to a friend who was struggling with postpartum depression. She felt like a "failure" because she wasn't enjoying every second of motherhood. I told her, "Look, you're imperfect, but you're trying. That's the whole job." You could see the physical weight lift off her shoulders. We have to stop treating "imperfect" like it's a dirty word. It’s just a synonym for "human."
- Stop apologizing for your home. If someone comes over and there’s laundry on the chair, who cares?
- Acknowledge the effort. When you finish a hard day, tell yourself "I tried today," instead of "I didn't get enough done."
- Embrace the "Good Enough" principle. In psychology, there’s a concept of the "good enough parent." It suggests that as long as you meet a child's needs most of the time, being imperfect actually helps them develop resilience. The same applies to your own life.
The Trap of "Performative Imperfection"
We have to be careful, though. There is a version of this that becomes a performance. You know the type—the influencer who posts a "messy" photo that clearly took forty minutes to stage. That’s not what she's imperfect but she tries is about. That’s just perfectionism wearing a "messy" costume.
True imperfection is ugly. It’s the late fees you forgot to pay. It’s the text message you're too anxious to return. It’s the fact that you haven't washed your hair in four days. If we only embrace the "cute" version of being imperfect, we’re missing the point. The "try" has to happen in the dark, when nobody is watching and there’s no "like" button to validate your struggle.
How to Lean Into the "Try" Starting Today
If you're feeling overwhelmed by the expectations placed on you, it's time to pivot. You don't need a total life overhaul. You just need a perspective shift.
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- Audit your self-talk. Every time you think "I'm so bad at this," add the phrase "...but I'm trying." It sounds corny, but it literally rewires your brain’s response to stress.
- Lower the stakes. Pick one area of your life where you're going to intentionally be "average." Maybe it's your lawn. Maybe it's your outfit on Fridays. Practice the art of being okay with B-minus work.
- Celebrate the attempt. Did you go to the gym even though you only stayed for fifteen minutes? That’s a "try." It counts.
- Be honest with others. When someone asks how you are, try saying, "Honestly, I'm a bit of a mess right now, but I'm working through it." You'll be shocked at how many people respond with, "Me too."
Actionable Steps for the "Imperfect" Journey
The goal isn't to reach a state where you're finally "perfectly imperfect." That’s a paradox that will just lead back to burnout. The goal is to make the "try" the reward.
Identify your "Perfectionism Hotspots."
We all have them. For some, it's the kitchen. For others, it's their inbox. Identify the one area where your need to be perfect is actually paralyzing you. Once you find it, intentionally do something imperfectly in that space. Send an email with a typo (on purpose). Leave the dishes in the sink overnight. See what happens. Spoilers: the world won't end.
Redefine your "Wins."
Instead of a to-do list, try a "Did" list. At the end of the day, write down three things you actually did, no matter how small. "I made a phone call I was dreading" is a massive win for someone who is imperfect but trying.
Find your community.
Surround yourself with people who don't expect you to be "on" all the time. If your social circle feels like a competition, it's time to find a new circle. You need people who see your mess and offer a hand, not a critique.
Ultimately, she's imperfect but she tries is a manifesto for the exhausted. It’s a reminder that your value isn't tied to your output or your aesthetics. It’s tied to your humanity. Life is short, and it's far too loud to spend it worrying about being flawless. Just show up. That’s usually more than enough.