Single people aren't waiting for their lives to start anymore. For decades, the cultural script was basically a waiting room. You sit there, thumbing through old magazines of other people's weddings, until your "real" life begins with a "Yes." But honestly, that’s just not the reality on the ground in 2026. Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist at UC Santa Barbara, has spent a huge chunk of her career debunking the "matrimania" myth. She’s the one who really shifted the needle on the saying about single life, moving it from a state of deficit to a "single at heart" identity.
It’s about freedom. Real, gritty, choose-your-own-adventure freedom.
If you look at the data from the Pew Research Center, the numbers are pretty staggering. A significant portion of the adult population is unpartnered, and a growing slice of that group isn't even looking. They’re "non-seekers." They aren’t "unlucky in love." They’re just... good. They’ve found that the narrative of the "lonely spinster" or the "sad bachelor" is basically a ghost story we tell to keep the tax brackets neat and the diamond industry thriving.
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The Common Saying About Single Life That’s Actually Kind Of Toxic
We’ve all heard it at Thanksgiving. "You’re so great, I don't know how you’re still single!" It sounds like a compliment. It isn't. It’s actually a microaggression that suggests being single is a problem that needs solving. This specific saying about single life implies that your personality is a product and, for some reason, the market hasn't picked you up yet.
But wait. What if the product isn't for sale?
Sociologist Elyakim Kislev, author of Happy Singlehood, points out that the happiest single people are those who lean into their autonomy. They don't see themselves as "half" of a person. They aren't waiting for a "better half" to complete the puzzle. They are the whole puzzle. The box, the pieces, and the picture on the front.
There's this weird pressure to "work on yourself" so you can be ready for someone else. But what if you work on yourself just to be a better version of you? Just for the hell of it? People who are "Single at Heart" (DePaulo’s term) actually flourish more as they age. While some married folks see their social circles shrink down to just their spouse, singles often have "found families" that are wider, deeper, and more resilient.
Why We Need To Stop Saying "Settling Down"
The phrase "settling down" is fascinatingly bleak if you think about it. It sounds like dust. It sounds like something that happens when the wind stops blowing and everything gets stagnant.
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When we talk about the saying about single life, we usually ignore the "expansion" part. Singlehood isn't about narrowing your world; it's about broadening it. You have more time for friendship. More time for community. More time for that weird hobby—like competitive sourdough baking or learning 14th-century archery—that a partner might find annoying or expensive.
The Science Of Solitude vs. Loneliness
Let’s get technical for a second. There is a massive difference between being alone and being lonely. Cacioppo’s research on loneliness shows it’s a subjective feeling of isolation, not a head-count of people in your living room. You can be profoundly lonely while lying right next to a spouse who doesn't "get" you.
Singles often master the art of solitude. Solitude is generative. It’s where creativity lives. It’s where you actually hear your own thoughts without the static of someone else’s moods or preferences. If you’ve ever spent a Saturday morning in total silence, drinking coffee exactly how you like it, without having to negotiate the "what are we doing today?" conversation, you know the power of this.
- Autonomy: You own your schedule. Entirely.
- Social Wealth: Singles are statistically more likely to help out neighbors and stay in touch with parents.
- Psychological Growth: Research suggests singles experience more personal growth and development than their married counterparts over certain periods.
The Economic Reality of the Single Life
It’s more expensive. Let's just be real about that. There’s a "single tax" on everything from housing to health insurance to Netflix subscriptions. Our entire society is built on the assumption of "two." Two incomes, two people for a "family" sized box of cereal, two for a hotel room.
However, there’s a different kind of wealth. Dr. Kislev argues that singles often have more "career flexibility." They can move for a promotion without a "trailing spouse" problem. They can take risks. They can live in a tiny studio in a high-cost-of-living city to be near the action, or move to a cabin in the woods without checking with a committee. This agency is a form of currency that doesn't show up on a bank statement, but it definitely shows up in your stress levels.
What We Get Wrong About "The One"
The "Soulmate" myth is a heavy lift for any human being. When you expect one person to be your best friend, your lover, your co-parent, your therapist, and your gym buddy, you’re basically setting them up for failure. Singles spread those needs across a network. They have a "work friend," a "deep talk friend," and a "fun Friday night friend." It’s a diversified portfolio.
If one relationship hits a snag, the whole system doesn't collapse.
Practical Steps for Mastering the Single Narrative
If you’re currently single—whether by choice or by circumstance—the way you frame it to yourself matters more than any saying about single life you hear from others. It’s about moving from "waiting" to "living."
- Audit your inner monologue. When you think about your future, does it always involve a phantom partner? Try imagining a fulfilling life ten years from now where you are still single. What does it look like? If that thought scares you, ask why. Is it because you’ll be lonely, or because you’re worried about what people will think?
- Invest in "The Village." Don't let your friendships be the "back-up" for when you don't have a date. Make them the primary infrastructure of your life. Show up for people. Host the dinners. Be the reliable one.
- Reclaim your space. Your home isn't a "bachelor pad" or a "starter apartment." It’s your sanctuary. Decorate it for you. Not for a future person who might move in. Buy the "good" plates now.
- Learn the "Solo Skills." There is immense power in knowing how to change a tire, cook a three-course meal, and navigate a foreign city by yourself. These aren't just chores; they are proofs of competence. They build a bedrock of self-reliance that no one can take away from you.
The narrative is shifting because it has to. With birth rates dropping and the age of first marriage skyrocketing, being single is becoming a primary way of existing in the world, not a secondary one. It’s time the way we talk about it caught up to the way we’re actually living. Stop waiting for the guest of honor to arrive at your life. The party started an hour ago, and you’re already on the guest list.
Take a look at your calendar for next week. Find one "solo date"—something you’d usually wait to do with someone else, like seeing a specific movie or trying that new bistro—and go alone. Sit at the bar. Talk to the bartender or just stare at the wall. Experience the world without the filter of another person’s opinion. That’s where the real "saying about single life" begins: in the quiet realization that you are enough company for yourself.