You’ve seen the post. It’s usually a blurry photo of a kitchen table covered in empty pizza boxes, or maybe a video of someone helping a friend move a heavy sofa up three flights of stairs without complaining once. The caption is always the same: por más amigos así.
It’s a simple phrase. "For more friends like this." But in an era where we have thousands of digital followers and very few people we can actually call at 3:00 AM, those four words have become a sort of cultural manifesto. It is a quiet protest against the "flake culture" that defines the 2020s. We are starving for reliability.
The Psychology Behind the por más amigos así Movement
Why do we crave this? Honestly, it’s because the bar for friendship has dropped through the floor. We live in a world of "soft-ghosting" and "orbiting." According to a 2023 study by the Survey Center on American Life, Americans are reporting fewer close friendships than ever before. In fact, nearly 15% of men report having no close friends at all.
When someone says por más amigos así, they aren't just complimenting a buddy. They are highlighting a rare specimen.
Think about the "low-maintenance" friend. This is the person who doesn’t need a weekly check-in to remain loyal. They show up when the chips are down. Research from the University of Kansas suggests it takes about 200 hours to become a "close friend" with someone. Most of us don't put in the time. We send a meme and think we’ve done the work. The "por más amigos así" crowd is looking for the people who actually show up in person.
The Contrast of Digital vs. Analog Connection
Social media has tricked us. We think that seeing a friend’s "Story" on Instagram counts as social interaction. It doesn’t. Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist at Oxford, famously proposed "Dunbar’s Number," suggesting humans can only maintain about 150 stable relationships. But within that, there is an inner circle of only five people.
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These are the por más amigos así people.
They are the ones who don't just "like" your post about a promotion; they call you to hear the details. They are the ones who notice when you’re being quiet in the group chat and send a private message asking if you’re okay. In a landscape of superficiality, depth is the new luxury.
What Actually Makes a Friend Worthy of the Tag?
It’s not about grand gestures. It’s never the guy who buys a round of shots for the whole bar. Usually, the person who earns a por más amigos así shoutout is doing something incredibly mundane.
- They remembered your mom’s surgery date.
- They stayed late to help clean up after the party when everyone else dipped.
- They told you the truth, even when it was awkward, because they care more about your growth than being liked.
Social psychologists often talk about "capitalization" in relationships. This is the process of sharing positive news with another person and receiving an active-constructive response. If you tell a friend you got a raise and they say, "That’s cool, anyway did you see the game?", that’s a relationship killer. But if they jump up and say, "That’s amazing, we have to celebrate!", that’s a por más amigos así moment.
Emotional Labor and the Gender Gap
Interestingly, the way we use this phrase often varies by gender and culture. In many Spanish-speaking cultures, the concept of "compadrazgo" or deep communal ties is baked into the DNA. It’s a level of loyalty that goes beyond western individualism.
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Women often engage in more "face-to-face" friendship—heavy on emotional disclosure. Men tend to engage in "side-by-side" friendship—doing activities together. However, the rise of the por más amigos así sentiment shows a narrowing of this gap. Everyone, regardless of gender, is starting to realize that "activity-only" friends aren't enough when life gets messy. You need the person who can handle the "face-to-face" emotional heavy lifting too.
The Problem With "Curating" Friendships
There is a dark side to this. Sometimes, we use the phrase as a way to shade the friends who don't meet our expectations. It becomes a passive-aggressive tool.
"Finally, a real one. Por más amigos así."
This implies that everyone else in your life is failing. Friendship isn't a one-way street where you just sit back and judge who is "real" enough for you. You have to be the por más amigos así person first. You can’t expect a ride to the airport if you haven't been a reliable presence in that person's life for the last six months.
The Flake Epidemic
We have to talk about the "I’m so sorry, I’m just so overwhelmed" text. It’s the battle cry of the modern flake. While mental health is important, and burnout is real, the constant cancelling of plans has eroded the foundation of modern trust. When someone actually keeps their word—when they show up at 7:00 PM because they said they would at 7:00 PM—it feels like a miracle. That’s why the phrase is trending. We are celebrating the baseline decency that used to be a given.
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How to Build a por más amigos así Circle
If you look around and realize your social circle is a bit thin on "ride or die" types, it’s time for an audit. Not a mean-spirited one, just a realistic look at where your energy goes.
- Stop rewarding the flakes. If someone consistently cancels, stop inviting them to the high-stakes stuff. Keep them as "coffee once a year" friends.
- Invest in the "Middle" friends. We often ignore people who are steady but maybe not "exciting." These are usually the people who will actually be there in a crisis.
- Be the initiator. Everyone is waiting to be invited. Be the person who organizes the dinner.
- Practice Radical Reliability. Make it your brand to never cancel unless there is a genuine emergency.
The reality of por más amigos así is that it's a reflection of our own values. If we want a world with more "friends like that," we have to stop being the friends who are too busy to care. We have to put down the phone, drive the twenty minutes, and sit on the porch.
Moving Toward More Meaningful Connections
The trend isn't going away because the loneliness epidemic isn't going away. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has literally called loneliness a public health crisis, as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Friendship isn't just a "nice to have." It is a biological necessity for a long life.
When you see that phrase on your feed, let it be a reminder. Don't just double-tap the screen. Take a second to think about who in your life actually fits that description. Then, send them a text—not a meme, not a link—a real text that says, "Hey, I appreciate you being a consistent person in my life."
That’s how you actually get por más amigos así. You cultivate them. You protect them. You show up for them when it's inconvenient. Because in the end, the only thing that matters is who is standing there when the music stops.
Actionable Next Steps:
Identify three people in your life who have shown up for you in the last year during a non-celebratory moment. Schedule a specific, non-cancelable time to meet them in person within the next two weeks. Focus on "active-constructive" listening during your conversation—ask follow-up questions about their challenges rather than pivoting to your own stories. This shifts the relationship from a digital transaction to a "por más amigos así" bond.