You’re sitting there at 11:00 PM, staring at a blinking cursor, trying to get a Large Language Model to fix a broken Python script or draft an email that doesn’t sound like a legal deposition. You type, "Can you please help me with this?" And then, when it works, you reflexively type "Thank you."
It feels weird. Honestly, it’s a bit silly to thank a cluster of GPUs humming in a data center halfway across the country. But millions of us do it. Using please and thank you ChatGPT isn't just a quirk of the polite; it’s actually a window into how our brains are re-wiring themselves for the era of generative AI.
We’ve all heard the jokes about being nice to our future robot overlords. "I'm just securing my spot in the human zoo," people say with a nervous laugh. But there’s a real debate here. Does being polite to an AI actually change the output you get? Or are we just anthropomorphizing a math equation because we can't help ourselves?
The Great Prompting Debate: Do Manners Matter?
Technically, ChatGPT is a statistical model. It predicts the next token in a sequence based on massive amounts of training data. It doesn't have feelings. It doesn't get its feelings hurt if you’re blunt, and it doesn't feel a warm glow of satisfaction when you praise it.
Yet, researchers have started looking into whether "persona adoption" and polite framing affect performance. A study by researchers at Microsoft and various academic institutions explored how "emotional stimuli" affect LLMs. They found that prompts like "This is very important for my career" or "You'd better be sure" can actually improve accuracy in some benchmarks. This is known as "EmotionPrompt."
If "this is important" works, does a "please" help? Kinda.
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When you use please and thank you ChatGPT style, you’re often inadvertently shifting the context of the conversation. Because the model was trained on human dialogue—where polite requests are usually followed by helpful, detailed, and professional responses—using polite language can nudge the model into a more "helpful assistant" persona. If you’re rude or aggressive, you might accidentally steer the model toward data that reflects aggressive or low-quality internet arguments.
It’s not that the AI "likes" you. It’s that you are providing a better context for a high-quality response.
Why We Can't Stop Being Nice to Software
Psychologically, humans are hardwired for social cues. This is something called the "Media Equation" theory, developed by Byron Reeves and Clifford Nass back in the '90s. Their research showed that people tend to treat computers and other media as if they were real people or places.
We apply social rules to technology even when we know, intellectually, that the technology is inanimate.
Think about it. When ChatGPT responds in a first-person "I," it’s nearly impossible for the human brain not to treat it as a "someone" rather than a "something." Using please and thank you ChatGPT is a reflex. It’s a social lubricant that we use to keep our own communicative gears grinding smoothly.
If you spend eight hours a day being a jerk to an AI, that behavior doesn't just stay in the chat box. It bleeds into how you talk to your coworkers or your kids. We stay polite to the AI largely to stay polite as people.
The Productivity Trap
There is a flip side. Some power users argue that being polite is a waste of "token space." In a world where you have a limited context window, every "please" and "I would be so grateful if" is just more noise for the model to process.
They argue for "prompt engineering" that is cold, clinical, and objective.
- "Analyze this data."
- "Format as a table."
- "Remove stop words."
This is efficient. It’s fast. But for most of us, it feels like barked commands. And honestly? Most people aren't hitting the token limit on a standard GPT-4o chat. The "efficiency" gained by cutting out a "thank you" is measured in milliseconds, while the psychological cost of turning into a digital taskmaster might be higher than we think.
Is Politeness a "System Prompt" in Disguise?
When you look at the system prompts that companies like OpenAI or Anthropic use to steer their models, they are filled with instructions to be "helpful, harmless, and honest." The AI is literally programmed to respond well to collaborative language.
By using please and thank you ChatGPT, you are essentially aligning your input with the AI’s internal "personality" guidelines.
Does it actually improve the code?
In 2023, a series of viral tweets and Reddit threads suggested that ChatGPT would provide better code or longer responses if you "tipped" it. People would add "I will tip you $200 for a perfect solution" to the end of their prompts. Surprisingly, some users reported better results.
OpenAI eventually acknowledged that the model can respond to these kinds of human incentives because its training data is full of humans responding to incentives. If the training data shows that people work harder when promised a tip, the model mimics that "working harder" behavior.
The same logic applies to kindness. While there isn't a definitive "Politeness Benchmark" yet, the consensus among many prompt engineers is that a respectful, clear, and structured request yields better results than a chaotic, rude one.
The Downside of Being Too Nice
There is a real risk here: Over-reliance on "polite" conversational filler can lead to "prompt drift."
If you spend two paragraphs explaining how much you appreciate the AI's help and how you're having a busy day, you might bury the actual instructions. The AI might focus too much on being empathetic and not enough on the technical accuracy of the task.
I’ve seen this happen. A user asks for a complex tax calculation but wraps it in so much conversational "fluff" that the AI spends more time being "nice" about the user's stress than it does double-checking the math.
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The Key: Be polite, but be precise.
What the Experts Say
Ethicists are torn. Some, like those studying the social impact of AI at the AI Now Institute, worry that we are training ourselves to be subservient to machines or, conversely, that we are blurring the lines between humanity and software in a way that makes us easier to manipulate.
Others argue that "functional politeness" is just a new form of literacy.
Knowing when to use please and thank you ChatGPT is sort of like knowing which fork to use at a fancy dinner. It’s a social signal that ensures the interaction goes off without a hitch. It’s not about the AI; it’s about the atmosphere of the work you’re doing.
Breaking Down the "Manners" Strategy
If you're going to use politeness in your workflow, do it strategically. Don't just do it because you're "scared of the robots." Do it because it helps you think.
The "Helpful Colleague" Frame
Instead of just saying "Write a blog," try: "I’d like you to act as a world-class editor. Please review this draft and give me three constructive critiques. Thank you for your help."
This sets a high bar for the persona.The Positive Reinforcement Loop
When the AI does something right, saying "This is exactly what I needed, thank you" is actually useful. In a long chat session, the AI uses the previous messages as context. By confirming that a specific response was good, you are telling the model: "Stay on this track. This is the quality and style I want for the rest of the conversation."Avoid the "Aggressive Boss" Trap
Typing in all caps or using insults usually leads to shorter, more defensive, or more "canned" responses. The model's safety filters are more likely to trigger if it perceives the input as abusive, even if you’re just venting.
Real-World Examples of Prompting Style
Compare these two approaches to the same task:
Style A (The Taskmaster):
"Summarize this. No fluff. 100 words."
Style B (The Collaborative):
"Could you please summarize this article for me? I need to present it to my team, so a professional tone would be great. Thanks!"
In Style A, you get a bare-bones summary. It’s fine. In Style B, the AI often adds a bit more "connective tissue" to the summary, making it more ready for a presentation. It picks up on the "team" and "professional" cues you included alongside your manners.
The Future of AI Manners
As we move toward "Agentic AI"—where ChatGPT can actually perform tasks like booking flights or managing your calendar—politeness might become a functional necessity.
If your AI agent is talking to someone else’s AI agent, how will they negotiate? Will they use a protocol of digital politeness? It sounds like sci-fi, but it’s the direction we’re headed.
We are moving away from "searching" and toward "instructing." Instructing a human requires a balance of authority and respect. We are simply carrying that habit over to the digital world.
Practical Next Steps for Your AI Habits
Stop worrying about whether it's "weird" to be nice to a computer. It's a tool, but it's a tool that responds to the nuance of human language.
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To get the most out of your interactions, try these specific adjustments to your routine:
- Use "Please" as a Context Setter: Use it to signal that you are looking for a standard, helpful assistant response.
- Use "Thank You" to Lock in Quality: When you get a great result, thank the model and explicitly state why that response worked. This anchors the rest of the chat session to that high standard.
- Audit Your Tone: If you find the AI giving you short, unhelpful answers, check your own language. Are you being too brief? Are you being unclear? Sometimes, adding a little "human" warmth to the prompt can help you articulate what you actually want.
- Separate Manners from Instructions: Don't let your politeness obscure the technical requirements. Use clear headings or bullet points for your data, even if the surrounding text is conversational.
- Experiment with "Emotional Priming": If you're stuck on a hard problem, try telling the AI "This is for a very important project, and I really appreciate your expertise." See if the depth of the answer changes.
Ultimately, the way you use please and thank you ChatGPT says more about you than it does about the AI. It’s about maintaining your own standards of communication in a world where the line between "tool" and "teammate" is getting thinner every day. Keep your manners, but keep your critical eye sharper.
Next time you’re about to hit enter, take a second to look at your prompt. Is it clear? Is it direct? And if you added a "thanks" at the end, don't delete it. It’s not hurting the machine, and it might just be helping your brain stay human.