It happened in a messy bedroom. No candlelight. No sweeping orchestral swells. Just two college kids, Marianne and Connell, navigating the clumsy, breathy, and deeply awkward reality of a first time. When the Hulu/BBC adaptation of Sally Rooney’s novel hit screens in 2020, people didn’t just watch; they felt seen. The normal people sex scenes became a cultural flashpoint because they looked like our lives, not a Hollywood fever dream.
Television has a long history of "movie sex." You know the type. Silk sheets that never get tangled. People wearing bras under the covers. Orgasms that happen simultaneously after thirty seconds of rhythmic movement. It’s a choreographed lie. But Normal People broke the mold by hiring intimacy coordinator Ita O'Brien to ensure the physicality wasn't just safe, but honest.
What makes these scenes linger in the mind isn't the nudity. It's the communication.
The End of the "Seamless" Hookup
We've been conditioned to think that talking during sex ruins the mood. Hollywood loves the "passionate silence." But in reality, silence is often where the confusion lives. One of the most talked-about normal people sex scenes involves a simple question: "Does this feel okay?"
It sounds basic. It is basic. Yet, seeing Connell ask for consent—not just once, but as a continuous thread throughout the encounter—felt revolutionary. In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Paul Mescal (who played Connell) noted that the intimacy was meant to be an extension of the character's internal dialogue. It wasn't a break from the plot. It was the plot.
The camera doesn't shy away from the friction. You see the fumbling with clothes. You hear the skin sticking to skin. These details matter because they validate the viewer's experience. If you’ve ever kicked a glass of water off a nightstand or had a cramp in your leg mid-act, you know that sex is a comedy of errors as much as it is a romantic peak.
How Ita O’Brien Reimagined the Set
Before the 2010s, intimacy coordinators were rare. Now, they're essential. Ita O’Brien, who worked on Normal People, Sex Education, and I May Destroy You, uses a specific "Open Practice" method.
It’s about transparency.
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Actors agree on touch boundaries beforehand. They use "modesty garments"—flesh-colored patches or barriers—so there is no actual genital contact. This structure allows for more realism, ironically. When an actor feels safe and knows exactly where their partner’s hand will go, they can stop "performing" sex and start "living" the intimacy. The result is a scene that feels raw because the actors aren't worried about accidental boundary-crossing.
The Psychology of Watching "Real" Intimacy
Why does this matter for the audience?
Psychologically, hyper-stylized sex scenes can trigger a sense of inadequacy. We compare our "normal" bodies and messy encounters to the airbrushed perfection on screen. When normal people sex scenes show Daisy Edgar-Jones with messy hair and no makeup, or show the natural folds of a body in motion, it reduces that "comparison gap."
Researchers in media psychology have often pointed out that "unrealistic portrayals of sexual behavior" contribute to distorted expectations in young adults. Normal People provided a counter-narrative. It suggested that intimacy is a skill developed over time through trial and error.
Daisy Edgar-Jones mentioned in several press tours that the goal was to show "the vulnerability of being known." That’s a heavy lift for a scene with no dialogue, but the slow pacing helps. These scenes aren't edited like a music video. They linger. You see the pauses. You see the eye contact.
Breaking the Male Gaze
Most cinematic sex has historically been shot through the "male gaze," a term coined by Laura Mulvey. It prioritizes the female body as an object for the viewer's pleasure.
Normal People flipped this.
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The cinematography, led by Suzie Lavelle and James Laxton, often prioritizes the emotional reaction of the characters. We see close-ups of faces. We see Connell’s vulnerability as much as Marianne’s. This shift creates a sense of "subjective intimacy." We aren't just watching them; we are feeling the weight of their connection.
It’s also about the "after."
The show gives as much screen time to the post-coital conversation as the act itself. The "pillow talk" isn't about grand declarations of love. It’s about the small, mundane things that build a bridge between two people. That is where the "normal" in the title really earns its keep.
Why the "Boring" Details Are the Most Important
Let’s talk about the lack of music.
In many of the normal people sex scenes, the soundtrack is minimal or non-existent. You hear the ambient noise of a room. A fan whirring. The sound of breathing.
This is a deliberate choice by directors Lenny Abrahamson and Hettie Macdonald. Music tells the audience how to feel. Silence forces the audience to observe. By stripping away the cinematic "gloss," the show forces us to confront the awkwardness. And in that awkwardness, we find the truth.
The "first time" scene is particularly notable for its length. It’s not a quick cut. It takes its time. It shows the fumbling. It shows the hesitation. This pacing mirrors the actual experience of two people who are terrified of messing up.
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Actionable Insights for Modern Viewers and Creators
The impact of Normal People has trickled down into how we consume and create media today. If you're a writer, a creator, or even just a conscious viewer, there are lessons to be drawn from why these scenes worked so well.
1. Prioritize Communication Over Choreography
The most memorable moments in these scenes are the verbal check-ins. Whether in fiction or real life, normalizing the "Is this okay?" or "I like this" removes the pressure of mind-reading. It’s not a mood-killer; it’s a trust-builder.
2. Embrace the Physical Imperfection
The "perfection" we see in most media is an outlier. Real intimacy involves sweat, weird noises, and bodies that don't always look like statues. Acknowledging this helps dismantle the body dysmorphia often exacerbated by media consumption.
3. Context is Everything
A sex scene should never be "gratuitous." In Normal People, every intimate moment tells us something new about the power dynamic between Marianne and Connell. If you can remove a scene and the plot doesn't change, the scene isn't doing its job.
4. The Power of the Intimacy Coordinator
The industry has moved toward a standard where these roles are non-negotiable. This isn't just for the actors' safety; it actually produces better art. When everyone is comfortable, the performance can be more daring and honest.
Watching these scenes shouldn't feel like a voyeuristic intrusion. It should feel like a mirror. The legacy of the normal people sex scenes is that they moved the needle away from fantasy and toward a more grounded, empathetic understanding of human connection. They taught us that being "normal" is actually the most interesting thing you can be.
To better understand how modern media is shifting, pay attention to the "quiet" moments in the next prestige drama you watch. Notice if the characters are talking, if the lighting is natural, and if the scene feels like it belongs to the characters or the audience. These small shifts in direction are the fingerprints of a new era in storytelling that values the truth over the trope.