Let's be real for a second. Most of us get stuck in a loop. You know the one—the same time of night, the same three moves, the same "did you lock the back door?" conversation right before things get started. It's comfortable. It’s safe. But eventually, it starts to feel a bit like a chore, doesn't it? When people search for new stuff to try in bed, they usually think they’re looking for a Cirque du Soleil position or some wild gadget they saw on a TikTok trend.
Honestly? That’s rarely what actually fixes the "meh" factor.
The trick isn’t necessarily about reinventing the wheel. It’s about shifting the energy. Experts like Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come as You Are, talk a lot about the "dual control model." Basically, we all have accelerators (things that turn us on) and brakes (things that turn us off). Most people spend their lives looking for new accelerators when they should really be looking at how to let off the brakes.
Why the "Spontaneous Desire" Myth is Killing Your Vibe
We’ve been sold this lie that great sex should just happen. Like, you look at your partner across the kitchen island and suddenly you're both ripping each other's clothes off. For most long-term couples, that’s just not how biology works. Spontaneous desire is great, but responsive desire is where the real magic happens. This is the idea that you might not feel "in the mood" until things actually start moving.
If you're looking for new stuff to try in bed, start by changing the environment before you even get to the mattress. Sensory deprivation is a huge one. No, I don't mean a float tank. I mean something as simple as a blindfold. When you take away sight, your brain has to work overtime to process touch, smell, and sound. It’s a low-effort way to make a familiar partner feel completely new.
Wait.
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Think about how much we rely on our eyes. We look for visual cues to see if someone is enjoying themselves. When you take that away, you have to talk. You have to whisper. You have to listen to the way their breathing changes. It’s intimate in a way that a new "position of the week" just can't touch.
Sensory Play and the Science of Touch
Temperature play is another big one that sounds intimidating but is actually super chill. Pun intended. You don’t need specialized equipment. An ice cube or a warm (not hot!) cup of coffee can be enough to trigger a totally different neurological response. Research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine often highlights how novelty triggers dopamine releases in the brain. That’s the "reward" chemical. When you introduce a temperature contrast, your brain snaps out of autopilot and goes, "Oh, hey, what’s this?"
Try this:
Run an ice cube along the sensitive skin of the inner thigh or the back of the neck. Then, immediately follow it with a warm breath or a warm hand. The contrast is what creates the sensation. It's simple. It’s cheap. It works.
Then there’s the "Sensate Focus" technique. This was developed by Masters and Johnson back in the 60s, and it’s still the gold standard for sex therapists. The idea is to take the pressure off "the end goal." You spend time touching each other with zero intention of having an orgasm or even traditional intercourse. It sounds counterintuitive. Why would you try new stuff to try in bed that isn't actually about the "main event"? Because when you remove the pressure to perform, you actually relax. And when you relax, things feel better.
Communication is the Actual "New Thing"
Most people would rather jump out of a plane than tell their partner exactly what they want in bed. It’s weird, right? You can share a mortgage and kids, but saying "could you move two inches to the left?" feels like a personal insult.
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If you want to spice things up, try the "Yes/No/Maybe" list. It’s a real tool used by educators like those at the Kinsey Institute. You both get a list of activities—everything from "holding hands" to "light impact play"—and you mark them.
- Yes: I want to do this.
- No: Absolutely not.
- Maybe: I'm curious but need more info or the right mood.
You only compare the "Yes" and "Maybe" piles. It eliminates the fear of rejection because you already know the other person is interested.
The Role of Technology (Without Being Weird About It)
We live in 2026. Tech is everywhere. While some people love high-tech toys that sync with apps, sometimes the best new stuff to try in bed is just a shared playlist. Music is a powerful anchor for memory and mood. If you always have the TV on in the background, you're competing with the news or a sitcom for your brain's attention. Switch it out for something ambient.
There are also apps designed specifically for couples to prompt conversations or suggest "dares" that aren't cringey. These can be a great bridge if you feel awkward bringing up new ideas yourself. You can just blame the app! "Hey, this thing suggested we try X, what do you think?"
Rethinking the "Quickie" vs. Extended Intimacy
Sometimes the new thing you need is just a different pace. We live fast lives. We’re tired. Sometimes a 5-minute connection is exactly what’s needed to keep the pilot light on. Other times, you need "Kinklite" or "Slow Sex."
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Slow sex is exactly what it sounds like. You move at half-speed. You focus on the friction, the skin-to-skin contact, and the eye contact. It can be incredibly intense because it forces you to stay present. You can't drift off and think about your grocery list when you're moving that slowly.
On the flip side, "edging" or "orgasm control" can be a fun way to build tension. It’s the practice of bringing someone right to the brink and then backing off. It builds up a massive amount of physical tension, making the eventual release way more powerful. It’s basically the "will they / won't they" trope of a TV show, but in your own bedroom.
Essential Next Steps for Real Change
Don't try to do everything at once. Pick one thing.
Maybe this weekend you decide to try a blindfold. Or maybe you just decide to spend twenty minutes on Sensate Focus without any expectation of it leading anywhere else. The goal is to break the routine.
- Schedule a "State of the Union" for your bedroom. Not during sex—that's too much pressure. Do it over tacos or while walking the dog. Ask: "What's one thing we used to do that you miss?"
- Focus on the "Brakes." If you're stressed about the messy room, clean it together before you try anything new. A clean space is an aphrodisiac for a lot of people.
- Experiment with the "3-Minute Game." This is a classic from Betty Martin’s "Wheel of Consent." One person asks, "How do you want me to touch you for three minutes?" and the other person directs. Then you swap. It’s a masterclass in learning what your partner actually likes versus what you think they like.
- Change the location. Sometimes the "new stuff" is just a different room. The couch, the rug, a hotel down the street. A change in geography can trigger a change in mindset.
The reality is that new stuff to try in bed isn't a magic pill. It's a tool for curiosity. As long as you're both curious and communicating, you're doing it right. Stop worrying about "performance" and start focusing on "presence." That’s where the real satisfaction lives.