It happens to almost everyone eventually. You’re sitting at the kitchen table, and your mom asks you for the fourth time how to "open the internet" on her phone, or maybe she tells a story she’s already told three times since breakfast. You might catch yourself thinking, or even muttering, my mom is dumb. It’s a frustrating, often guilt-inducing thought that bubbles up when the person who literally taught you how to use a spoon suddenly seems to lack basic logic.
But honestly? She isn't actually "dumb."
What you're witnessing is a complex cocktail of biology, shifting neuroplasticity, and the sheer mental load of modern life. Science calls it many things—executive dysfunction, "chemo brain," menopause brain, or just the standard cognitive decline associated with aging. We need to talk about what's actually going on inside her head because understanding the "why" makes the "how do I deal with this" a lot easier to manage.
Why the My Mom Is Dumb Feeling Happens
The phrase my mom is dumb usually stems from a specific type of frustration: the gap between who she was and who she is now. When we are kids, our parents are omniscient. They know everything. As we hit our 20s and 30s, that pedestal crumbles.
Cognitive processing speed naturally begins to dip as early as our late 20s. According to research published in Neurobiology of Aging, the speed at which we process information and solve new problems—known as fluid intelligence—peaks early and then takes a slow, steady slide. If your mom is in her 50s or 60s, her hardware is literally running on an older operating system. She’s not stupid; she’s just dealing with a CPU that has a lot of "background apps" running and a slightly slower bus speed.
The Menopause Factor
For a huge chunk of women, the perceived "dumbness" is actually a physiological event called the menopause transition. Dr. Lisa Mosconi, Director of the Women’s Brain Initiative at Weill Cornell Medicine, has done extensive work on this. During perimenopause and menopause, estrogen levels crater.
✨ Don't miss: High Protein in a Blood Test: What Most People Get Wrong
Estrogen isn't just for reproduction. It’s a master regulator in the brain. It pushes the brain to burn glucose for energy. When estrogen drops, the brain’s energy metabolism can dip by up to 20%. This manifests as "brain fog." It leads to:
- Forgetting words (anomia).
- Losing keys.
- Struggling with multi-tasking.
- Extreme irritability.
Imagine trying to run a marathon while someone is slowly draining the oxygen out of the room. That’s what perimenopause feels like for the brain. If you’ve ever felt like my mom is dumb because she can’t remember the name of the movie you watched yesterday, check the calendar. She might be in the middle of a massive hormonal shift that reshapes her neural architecture.
The Digital Divide and Cognitive Load
Technology is a massive trigger for the "my mom is dumb" sentiment. We grew up with "intuitive" interfaces. For someone who didn't spend their formative years scrolling, modern UI isn't intuitive at all—it's a foreign language.
Psychologists often refer to "Cognitive Load Theory." Every task requires a certain amount of working memory. For a digital native, sending an email takes 1% of their mental bandwidth. For someone older, finding the "attach" icon might take 50%. By the time they’ve attached the file, they’ve run out of "RAM" to remember what they were going to write in the body of the email.
Stress and the "Default Mode Network"
There’s also the "Mom Brain" that never really goes away. It just evolves. Moms often carry the "mental load" of the entire family. They know when the dog needs a heartworm pill, when your sister’s car insurance expires, and where the extra lightbulbs are.
🔗 Read more: How to take out IUD: What your doctor might not tell you about the process
When the brain is constantly scanning for household threats and logistics, it loses its ability to focus on "unimportant" new information, like how to use a new TV remote. Her brain is triaging. It’s not that she can’t learn; it’s that her "storage" is already full of decades of family data.
When Is It Actually a Medical Issue?
While "brain fog" is common, there’s a line where the my mom is dumb joke stops being funny and starts being a red flag.
Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) is a real clinical stage between normal aging and dementia. According to the Mayo Clinic, symptoms of MCI might include losing your train of thought in the middle of a sentence or feeling increasingly overwhelmed by making decisions.
If she’s getting lost in familiar places or forgetting the names of very close family members, that’s not "mom being silly." That’s a signal for a neurological evaluation. However, if she just can't figure out how to "unmute" herself on Zoom for the tenth time, that’s likely just a combination of low digital literacy and declining fluid intelligence.
How to Handle the Frustration
It’s okay to feel annoyed. It’s human. But reacting with "Mom, you’re so dumb" usually triggers a cortisol spike in her. Stress makes cognitive function even worse. It’s a feedback loop. When she feels judged, her brain shuts down further, making her appear even less capable.
💡 You might also like: How Much Sugar Are in Apples: What Most People Get Wrong
Instead of doing it for her, try "scaffolding."
- Physical Cues: Instead of explaining a phone setting, write down a three-step physical list.
- Analogies: Use concepts she already knows. Explain a "cloud" like a physical filing cabinet in another building.
- Patience as a Tactic: Give her 10 seconds of silence to process a question before repeating it. Older brains often just need more "buffer time."
Actionable Steps for Better Brain Health
If you are genuinely worried about your mom's cognitive sharpness, there are evidence-based ways to help her stay "bright."
- Prioritize Sleep: Chronic sleep deprivation in middle-aged and older adults is a primary driver of pseudo-dementia symptoms. Ensure she’s getting 7-8 hours.
- Strength Training: Studies in the British Journal of Sports Medicine show that resistance training significantly improves executive function in seniors. Get her some light dumbbells.
- Social Engagement: Isolation is a cognitive killer. Keeping her socially active forces the brain to use language processing and empathy circuits, which keeps the "wires" hot.
- Mediterranean-DASH Intervention for Neurodegenerative Delay (MIND) Diet: Focus on leafy greens, berries, and healthy fats. It’s been shown to slow brain aging by the equivalent of 7.5 years.
Stop looking at the situation as a loss of intelligence and start looking at it as a change in processing style. She isn't losing her mind; she's navigating a brain that has been overworked for decades and is now facing the natural biological hurdles of time.
Next Steps for You
Check in on her stress levels. Often, what looks like "being dumb" is actually just burnout. If the memory lapses are frequent and involve safety—like leaving the stove on or forgetting how to drive home—schedule an appointment with a geriatrician or a neurologist for a baseline cognitive test. Otherwise, take a deep breath, realize her brain is just on a different "clock" than yours, and maybe write down those tech instructions in a notebook she can keep by her chair.