Why My Friend Dahmer Is The Most Uncomfortable Movie You Need To Watch

Why My Friend Dahmer Is The Most Uncomfortable Movie You Need To Watch

Most true crime movies feel like they’re trying to sell you something. Usually, it’s a cheap thrill or a sensationalized version of a tragedy we've already seen on the news a thousand times. But the movie My Friend Dahmer is different. It’s quiet. It’s beige. It’s deeply, deeply awkward. Honestly, it’s one of the few films in the genre that manages to be terrifying without showing a single drop of blood, and that's because it focuses on the one thing we usually ignore: the mundane "before."

The film isn't about a serial killer. Not really. It’s about a high school kid who is clearly, visibly falling apart while everyone around him just... watches. Or worse, they laugh.

Based on the 2012 graphic novel by John "Derf" Backderf, the story comes from a place of actual, lived experience. Derf wasn't just some researcher; he actually went to high school with Jeffrey Dahmer in the late 70s. He sat next to him in study hall. He drew sketches of him. He was part of a "Dahmer Fan Club" that treated Jeff like a mascot rather than a human being. This proximity gives the movie My Friend Dahmer a sense of grounded reality that most Hollywood biopics lack. You aren't watching a monster in the making; you're watching a lonely, weird kid who is being swallowed by his own head.

The Haunting Performance of Ross Lynch

If you grew up watching the Disney Channel, seeing Ross Lynch as Jeffrey Dahmer is a massive shock to the system. It shouldn't work. On paper, it sounds like stunt casting. But Lynch is incredible here because he nails the physicality of a person who is trying to disappear into himself. He walks with this stiff, lumbering gait, his shoulders hunched up to his ears, and his eyes hidden behind those iconic, aviator-style glasses.

He’s not playing a villain. He’s playing a ghost.

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There’s a specific scene where he’s just standing in his backyard, staring at a dog, and the lack of expression on his face is more chilling than any jump scare. You can see the gears turning, but you can’t see the humanity. It’s a performance of total internal isolation. Lynch captures that "wrongness" that the real-life Derf described in his book—the sense that Jeff was a person who had simply checked out of reality long before he ever committed a crime.

Critics like David Edelstein have pointed out that the film succeeds because it avoids the "origin story" tropes. It doesn't give us a single traumatic moment that "created" a killer. Instead, it shows a slow, agonizing erosion. His mother, played by Anne Heche, is struggling with her own severe mental health issues. His father, played by Dallas Roberts, is desperate for his son to be "normal" but has no idea how to actually talk to him. They are all just ships passing in the night in a house filled with tension and silence.

Why the Movie My Friend Dahmer Feels So Different From Other True Crime

Most people go into a film about a serial killer expecting a procedural. They want the hunt, the capture, the courtroom drama. My Friend Dahmer ignores all of that. The movie ends exactly where most movies would begin: with the first murder. By focusing entirely on his senior year of high school in 1978, director Marc Meyers forces the audience to sit with the discomfort of missed opportunities.

It makes you ask: "Could someone have stopped this?"

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The answer the movie gives is complicated. It doesn’t let the adults or the peers off the hook, but it also doesn't pretend there was a simple fix. The "Dahmer Fan Club"—the group of friends led by Derf (played by Alex Wolff)—used Jeff for entertainment. They encouraged his "spastic" outbursts and his fake seizures in the hallways because it was funny. They treated his oddity as a performance. In one of the most gut-wrenching realizations, you see that Jeff leaned into this because it was the only way he knew how to get positive attention.

He was the class clown, but he wasn't in on the joke.

The Visual Language of 1970s Ohio

Visually, the film is a triumph of mood. It’s shot in Dahmer’s actual childhood home in Bath, Ohio. Think about that for a second. The actors are walking through the same rooms, looking out the same windows, and standing in the same woods where the actual events took place. You can feel that history in the walls.

The color palette is a muddy mix of browns, oranges, and sickly yellows. It feels like a fading photograph or a basement that hasn't been aired out in decades. This isn't the "Groovy 70s" of Dazed and Confused. This is the Rust Belt 70s—stagnant, lonely, and claustrophobic. The woods surrounding the house become a character of their own. They represent the only place where Jeff feels he can be himself, which usually involves a jar of acid and roadkill.

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It’s an environment where "different" was something to be ignored until it went away. The film highlights the era's total lack of resources for kids like Jeff. There were no counselors checking in on the quiet kid who smelled like booze in the morning. There were no interventions for the boy dissolving roadkill in a shed. People just looked the other way.

The Ethics of Portraying a Killer

There is always a massive debate about whether movies like this "humanize" monsters too much. It's a valid concern. However, My Friend Dahmer manages to avoid the trap of making him a sympathetic hero. You don't root for him. You feel a profound sense of dread for the people around him and a sickening pity for the waste of a life.

The film doesn't glorify his actions. In fact, it barely shows them. It focuses on the internal struggle—the way he tried to fight his "darker urges" through alcoholism and forced social interaction, and how he eventually just gave up. It’s a tragedy in the classical sense, where the ending is inevitable and everyone is powerless to stop it because they refuse to see it.

What People Often Get Wrong About the Story

  • It’s not a horror movie: If you’re looking for slasher vibes, look elsewhere. This is a psychological drama.
  • The friends weren't "best" friends: The movie accurately depicts that Derf and his crew were more like "frenemies" who kept Jeff around for the spectacle.
  • The timeline matters: 1978 was a turning point. The film captures that specific summer where he graduated, his parents' marriage finally imploded, and he was left entirely alone in that house.

How to Approach Watching the Film

If you're going to dive into the movie My Friend Dahmer, don't do it right before bed. It lingers. It makes you look at the people in your own life differently—the ones on the fringes, the ones who seem "off." It’s a masterclass in tension and a reminder that the most terrifying things usually happen in broad daylight, in suburban neighborhoods, while everyone else is busy with their own lives.

For those interested in the real-life context, it's worth reading Derf Backderf’s original graphic novel after watching. The film is remarkably faithful to the source material, but the book contains more of Derf's personal reflections on his own guilt. It adds another layer to the experience.

Actionable Insights for True Crime Fans

  1. Watch for the symbolism of the "huts": The shed where Jeff does his "experiments" is a recurring motif for his mental state—a place of isolation that gets smaller and more cramped as the film progresses.
  2. Compare the film to the 2022 Netflix series: While the Evan Peters series covers the murders, this film is a far more nuanced look at the psychological development of the individual.
  3. Research the "Bath, Ohio" setting: Knowing that the film was shot on location adds a layer of eerie authenticity that is rare in cinema.
  4. Pay attention to the background: The most telling moments often happen in the corners of the frame—the way Jeff watches people, the way his father avoids eye contact, and the general decay of the American Dream in the 70s.

Ultimately, the film serves as a grim cautionary tale. It’s a study of what happens when a human being is allowed to slip through every single crack in the floorboards of society. It’s uncomfortable, it’s quiet, and it’s absolutely essential viewing for anyone who wants to understand the "why" behind one of history's most notorious figures without the sensationalism that usually follows his name.