It’s the kind of confession that usually gets whispered over a third glass of wine or shared in the dark corners of an anonymous parenting forum. You love your kids. Of course you do. But when you’re being brutally honest with yourself while folding laundry or driving to the grocery store, you realize something scandalous: my favorite child is my son in law.
It sounds like a betrayal. It feels like a punch to the gut of traditional parenting roles. But it is a surprisingly common phenomenon in modern family structures.
The Complicated Reality of the Bonus Child
Family dynamics are messy. Most people expect the bond between a biological parent and child to be the strongest, most effortless connection in the room. Real life is rarely that tidy. We raise our children through the "terrible twos," the hormone-fueled rebellion of the teenage years, and the often-rocky transition into adulthood. There is baggage. There are old wounds from that one time you forgot to pick them up from soccer practice or the way they still roll their eyes when you give advice.
Then enters the son-in-law.
He arrives as a fully formed adult. You didn’t have to change his diapers. You didn’t stay up until 2:00 AM wondering if he’d ever pass algebra. He represents a fresh start. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and senior fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families, often discusses how adult child-parent relationships are now based more on emotional satisfaction than traditional duty. When a son-in-law provides that satisfaction without the decades of conflict, he naturally climbs the "favorite" ladder.
Sometimes, the connection is just... easier. You might find that your biological daughter is high-strung, perhaps reflecting your own worst traits back at you like a mirror you never asked for. Meanwhile, her husband is calm, steady, and actually laughs at your jokes. It’s a relief. Honestly, it’s a breath of fresh air in a family tree that might otherwise feel a bit stifling.
Why We Form These Bonds
There's a specific kind of gratitude that fuels the "favorite" status. When you see a man treating your child with kindness, picking up the slack at home, and being a present father to your grandchildren, your brain does a little happy dance. You aren't just liking him for him; you’re liking him for what he does for the person you love most.
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But let’s look at the science of affinity.
Psychologists often point to "Similarity-Attraction Effect." Maybe your son-in-law shares your obsession with 1970s folk music or your weirdly specific interest in backyard composting. If your biological children rebelled by hating everything you love, finding a son-in-law who "gets it" feels like finding a long-lost teammate. It’s not a slight against your kids. It’s just human nature to gravitate toward people who make us feel understood.
The Guilt and the Quiet Taboo
Admitting that my favorite child is my son in law comes with a heavy side of guilt. We’ve been conditioned to believe that biological bonds are sacrosanct and untouchable. When we feel a deeper click with an "outsider," it feels like we're failing as parents.
You've probably felt that twinge of shame when you realize you're more excited to talk to him about the news than you are to hear your son complain about his boss for the hundredth time.
Here is the thing: a son-in-law doesn't have the "debt" of a biological child. He isn't trying to prove his independence from you because he was never dependent on you. This allows for a peer-to-peer relationship that is often impossible to achieve with your own offspring until they reach their 40s or 50s. He sees you as a person, not just a "Parent." That validation is intoxicating.
When the Son-in-Law Becomes the Bridge
In many families, the son-in-law acts as a diplomatic envoy. If you and your daughter have a strained relationship, he might be the one who smooths things over. He’s the translator. He explains your intentions to her and her frustrations to you.
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This utility creates a deep sense of loyalty. You start to rely on him. He becomes the "favorite" because he is the glue holding the fragile bits of your family together. Without him, Sunday dinners might be silent or explosive. With him, there’s a buffer.
- He listens without judging your past mistakes.
- He brings new traditions that energize the family.
- He offers a masculine or different perspective that might have been missing.
- He works hard to be liked because, early on, he was the "guest."
That "guest" energy often evolves into a permanent state of being the most polite and helpful person in the house. While your biological kids are raiding your fridge and leaving their shoes in the hallway, the son-in-law is offering to fix the leaky faucet. It's a low bar, but he's clearing it with flying colors.
Navigating the Friction
Of course, this isn't always sunshine and roses. If your biological children pick up on the favoritism, it can lead to resentment. Sibling rivalry is bad enough, but "in-law rivalry" is a whole different beast.
If your son feels like he's being compared to a "perfect" newcomer, he’s going to withdraw. It’s a delicate balance. You can appreciate the unique bond you have with your son-in-law without making it a competition.
Avoid saying things like, "Why can't you be more like Mark?" or "Mark always remembers to call me." That’s a one-way ticket to a therapy session twenty years from now. Enjoy the bond, but keep the comparisons in your head.
The Cultural Shift in Family Definitions
We are moving away from the nuclear family model toward "chosen families" or "extended kinship networks." The 2026 social landscape prioritizes emotional health over genetic obligation.
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If your son-in-law provides a sense of peace, stability, and mutual respect, he is, for all intents and purposes, your child. The "in-law" part is just a legal footnote. People are increasingly realizing that family is a verb, not just a noun. It’s something you do, not just something you are born into.
Actionable Steps for a Healthy Family Dynamic
If you find yourself in this position, don't panic. You aren't a bad parent. You're a human being responding to a positive relationship. To keep the peace and nurture these bonds, consider these practical approaches:
Acknowledge the bond privately. It’s okay to admit to yourself that you enjoy his company more. Accepting this prevents the "leaking" of resentment toward your biological children. When you stop fighting the feeling, you can manage it better.
Create "Bio-Only" Time. To balance the scales, make sure you spend one-on-one time with your biological children where the son-in-law isn't present. This reminds them that they have a unique, irreplaceable spot in your life that isn't threatened by the new guy.
Use the bridge, don't burn it. If your son-in-law is your favorite because he helps you communicate with your kids, use that to improve your direct relationships. Don't let him be a permanent crutch. Ask him for advice on how to better connect with your daughter or son.
Watch the praise. Be mindful of how much you gush about him in front of the others. Highlighting his achievements is great, but make sure you’re looking just as hard for things to celebrate in your biological children.
Check for "Projection." Sometimes we love a son-in-law because he represents the version of a son we wish we had. Be honest about whether you're puting unfair expectations on your bio kids based on his personality.
Ultimately, having a son-in-law you genuinely love is a gift. It makes the holidays easier, the phone calls more pleasant, and the future of your family feel more secure. It’s not about loving your kids less; it’s about having a heart big enough to let someone else in.