The numbers are weird. We live in a world where everything is hyper-sexualized, from the billboards on your commute to the targeted ads on your Instagram feed, yet the actual data suggests something counterintuitive. Men and women having sex is happening less often than it did thirty years ago. It sounds fake. You’d think with dating apps making "hooking up" a three-swipe process, the statistics would be skyrocketing. They aren't.
Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of iGen, has been sounding the alarm on this for a while. Her research shows a steady decline in sexual frequency across almost every demographic. It’s not just "prudish" teenagers, either. Married couples in their 30s and 40s are also hitting the brakes. Why? Honestly, it’s a mess of screen time, economic stress, and a massive shift in how we define intimacy.
People are tired.
The "Sex Recession" is actually backed by data
When we talk about men and women having sex, we usually focus on the how or the where, but the how often is where the real story lies. According to the General Social Survey (GSS), which has been tracking American behaviors since the 70s, the percentage of adults who didn't have sex for an entire year hit record highs in the late 2010s. For men under 30, that number nearly tripled between 2008 and 2018.
It’s not just a US thing. Japan has been dealing with "celibacy syndrome" for over a decade. Researchers there found that a huge chunk of the population isn't just avoiding sex; they’re avoiding dating entirely.
Maybe it’s the "Netflix and chill" paradox. You have 4,000 movies at your fingertips. You’re exhausted from a ten-hour workday. The dopamine hit from a TikTok scroll is easier and faster than the emotional and physical labor of being with another person. It sounds depressing because, well, it kinda is. But understanding this shift is the only way to figure out what a healthy sex life even looks like in 2026.
The Dopamine Trap
Our brains are fried. Dopamine is the chemical that drives us toward rewards, including sex. But when you spend eight hours a day getting micro-doses of dopamine from likes, notifications, and short-form video, your baseline shifts. Real-life interaction feels slow. It feels cumbersome.
👉 See also: Images of Thanksgiving Holiday: What Most People Get Wrong
Men and women having sex requires a level of presence that a smartphone actively works to destroy. You can't be "present" when your brain is anticipating the next ping from your work email or a Discord notification.
Anxiety and the "Performance" Culture
We’ve also managed to make sex feel like a job. Between the "wellness" influencers telling you how to optimize your libido and the sheer volume of pornographic content available, the pressure to perform is at an all-time high.
It’s intimidating.
For many, it’s easier to just opt out than to risk not living up to the polished, edited versions of intimacy we see online. This isn't just about physical performance; it’s about the emotional vulnerability that comes with it. If you’re already feeling anxious about your career, the climate, or your bank account, opening yourself up to someone else can feel like one chore too many.
Communication is still the biggest hurdle
You’ve probably heard the advice to "just talk about it." It’s a cliché for a reason. Most men and women having sex struggle because they’re playing a guessing game. They’re trying to read minds.
Esther Perel, arguably the most famous relationship therapist on the planet, talks a lot about the tension between security and desire. We want our partners to be our best friends and our stable rocks, but desire thrives on mystery and "otherness." When you’re sharing a bathroom and arguing over who forgot to take out the trash, the "mystery" dies pretty quickly.
✨ Don't miss: Why Everyone Is Still Obsessing Over Maybelline SuperStay Skin Tint
- The Chore-Play Myth: There’s this idea that if a man does more housework, the woman will automatically want more sex. Research, specifically a study published in the American Sociological Review, actually suggested the reality is more nuanced. It’s not just about the chores; it’s about the type of labor and the underlying resentment.
- The Initiation Gap: Usually, one person is the "pursuer" and the other is the "distancer." This dynamic creates a loop where the pursuer feels rejected and the distancer feels pressured. Nobody wins.
- Varying Libidos: It’s almost impossible for two people to have the exact same sex drive for 20 years straight. Someone is always going to want it more or less at any given moment.
The Physical Reality: Health and Hormones
We can't ignore the biological side of why men and women having sex might be declining. Our lifestyles are physically taxing in ways we don't realize.
Low testosterone in men is becoming a genuine public health conversation. It’s not just aging; it’s sedentary lifestyles, poor sleep, and endocrine disruptors in our environment. For women, the physical toll of hormonal birth control, perimenopause, or the "mental load" of managing a household can tank desire.
If you're only sleeping five hours a night, your body isn't thinking about reproduction or pleasure. It’s thinking about survival.
Why Sleep is the Best Aphrodisiac
Seriously.
A study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that just one extra hour of sleep increased the likelihood of a woman having sex with a partner the next day by 14%. It’s not magic. It’s just how biology works. When you’re rested, your nervous system is regulated. You move out of "fight or flight" and into "rest and digest"—the state where arousal is actually possible.
Redefining "Success" in the Bedroom
The biggest mistake we make is thinking that sex has to look like a scene from a movie. It doesn't.
🔗 Read more: Coach Bag Animal Print: Why These Wild Patterns Actually Work as Neutrals
Sometimes it’s awkward. Sometimes it’s short. Sometimes it doesn't even involve "finishing."
The shift we're seeing now, especially with younger generations like Gen Z, is a move toward "intentional" intimacy. They’re having less sex, sure, but they’re talking about consent, boundaries, and preferences more than any generation before them. That’s a trade-off that might actually pay off in the long run.
The Role of Variety
Monotony is the silent killer. When men and women having sex get into a routine—same time, same place, same three moves—the brain stops paying attention.
Neurologically, we respond to novelty. You don't need to do anything wild or "out there." Sometimes just changing the environment or the time of day is enough to wake the brain up. It’s about breaking the script.
Practical Steps to Better Intimacy
If things feel stale or non-existent, "trying harder" usually backfires because it adds more pressure. Instead, look at the friction points.
- The Digital Sunset: Put the phones in another room an hour before bed. If the first thing you see when you wake up and the last thing you see before sleep is a screen, you’re co-parenting your relationship with an algorithm.
- Scheduled Intimacy (Yes, really): People hate this idea because it’s "not spontaneous." But guess what? Spontaneity is for people who don't have jobs, kids, or mortgages. Scheduling time ensures it happens. It gives you something to look forward to.
- Physical Touch Without an Agenda: A lot of the time, people avoid hugging or kissing because they’re afraid it has to lead to sex. When you remove that "requirement," the pressure vanishes. This builds a foundation of safety.
- Address the Medical Stuff: If the drive is gone, get blood work done. Check your Vitamin D, your iron, your hormones. Sometimes the "emotional" problem is actually a physiological one.
Men and women having sex is a biological drive, but in 2026, it’s also a counter-cultural act. It requires pushing back against a world that wants you distracted, tired, and alone. It’s not about hitting a certain "number" per week; it’s about maintaining a connection in a world designed to pull you apart.
The most important thing to realize is that you’re likely not "broken." You’re just living in a complicated era. Prioritize sleep, put the phone down, and stop comparing your private life to the highlight reels of others. Real intimacy is messy, unpolished, and completely worth the effort.