You’re staring at a blinking cursor. It’s been three years since you last spoke to that old colleague who helped you land your first job, or maybe it’s a cousin you used to be inseparable with until life just... happened. You want to reach out, but the pressure to have something "important" to say is paralyzing. So you don't. You close the tab.
Actually, that’s a mistake.
Most people think they need a massive life update or a specific favor to justify an email or a text. They don't. In fact, research suggests that the simple act of reaching out—literally just saying just wanted to say hello—is significantly more impactful than we realize. We overthink the "why" when the "who" is what actually matters to the person on the other end.
The psychology of the low-stakes reach out
There was a fascinating study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2022. Researchers led by Peggy Liu of the University of Pittsburgh ran a series of experiments with nearly 6,000 participants. They wanted to see if people accurately predict how much others appreciate a casual check-in.
They didn't.
Across the board, the person sending the message—the "reacher-out"—consistently underestimated how much the recipient would enjoy it. The gap was huge. If you’re sitting there thinking, "Oh, they're probably too busy to hear from me," you’re statistically likely to be wrong. The recipient doesn't care about the lack of "substance" in the message. They care that they were on your mind.
It's about the "prosocial" surprise. Receiving a message that says just wanted to say hello out of the blue triggers a stronger positive emotional response than a scheduled or expected communication. It’s the "thinking of you" element that does the heavy lifting, not the actual news shared.
Why we're so afraid of being "pointless"
Social anxiety is a weird beast. We’ve been conditioned by corporate culture and the "hustle" era to believe that every communication must be transactional. You email a lead to close a sale. You text a friend to plan a brunch. You call your mom because it’s Sunday.
When you strip away the transaction, you’re left with vulnerability.
If I send a message that has no "point," I’m basically saying, "I value you enough to spend thirty seconds of my life acknowledging your existence." That feels risky. We worry about being a nuisance. We worry the other person will think, "Why is this guy emailing me?"
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But honestly, think about the last time you got a "hey, thinking of you" text. Did you roll your eyes? Probably not. You probably felt a little warmer for about five minutes. Maybe it even changed the trajectory of a bad afternoon.
The "weak ties" theory
Sociologist Mark Granovetter famously wrote about the "strength of weak ties" back in the 70s. While our "strong ties" (family, best friends) give us emotional support, our "weak ties" (former coworkers, distant acquaintances) are actually more likely to provide us with new information, different perspectives, and career opportunities.
When you send a just wanted to say hello note to a weak tie, you are essentially "watering" a dormant connection. You aren't asking for a job. You aren't asking for advice. You’re just keeping the line open.
This prevents the relationship from withering into that awkward territory where you can’t reach out because too much time has passed. It keeps the bridge intact so that if you ever do need something—or if they do—the path is already clear.
Breaking the "I'm too busy" myth
We live in a culture of performative busyness. We wear our packed calendars like armor. This leads to the "proximity trap," where we only interact with the people we see every day.
If you're waiting for a "slow period" to reconnect with people, it’s never going to happen. You have to realize that a two-sentence email is better than a two-hour lunch that never gets scheduled.
I’ve seen people lose entire networks because they felt they needed to write a "meaningful" update. They wait until they have a new house, a new kid, or a new promotion. By the time that happens, five years have passed and the connection is cold.
The beauty of just wanted to say hello is its brevity. It respects the other person's time while acknowledging their value. It’s the digital equivalent of a nod in a hallway.
Real-world examples of the "Hello" effect
I know a recruiter who makes it a point to send five "no-agenda" messages every Friday morning. She doesn't have jobs for these people. She just says, "Hey [Name], saw a post of yours today and just wanted to say hello. Hope the family is doing well."
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Her placement rate is nearly double the industry average. Why? Because when she does have a job to fill, she’s not a stranger. She’s the person who checked in when she didn't want anything.
Then there’s the personal side. A friend of mine recently reached out to an old mentor after a decade of silence. He was terrified. He thought he’d look like a failure for not staying in touch.
The mentor's response? "I was literally just wondering how you were doing last week. So glad you reached out."
They ended up getting coffee, and my friend realized the mentor had been going through a rough patch and actually needed the distraction of a friendly conversation. It wasn't about the mentee; it was about the human connection.
The anatomy of a perfect "just wanted to say hello" message
Don't overcomplicate this. If you make it long, you're creating work for the recipient because now they feel they have to write a long response. Keep it light.
- The Context (Optional): "I saw a coffee shop that reminded me of that place in Portland..."
- The Phrase: "I just wanted to say hello and see how life is treating you."
- The "No Pressure" Out: "No need to reply, I know you’re busy, just wanted to send some good vibes."
That third part is the secret sauce. By explicitly saying "no need to reply," you remove the "social debt" from the interaction. You give them the gift of a compliment without the burden of a task. Ironically, this often makes people more likely to respond because the pressure is gone.
Where people go wrong
Don't be the person who uses "hello" as a trojan horse.
If you say "just wanted to say hello" and then follow it up in the next paragraph with "by the way, could you look at my resume?", you’ve just burned a bridge. You’ve been dishonest. The recipient feels manipulated.
If you’re going to ask for a favor, ask for a favor. Be direct. But if you’re saying hello, just say hello. Keep the boundaries clean.
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Tactical ways to build this habit
If you're naturally introverted or just forgetful, you might need a system. I know "systematizing" friendship sounds cold, but it’s actually the kindest thing you can do for your social circle.
- The "3-2-1" Rule: Every week, send 3 texts to old friends, 2 emails to former colleagues, and 1 LinkedIn message to someone you admire.
- The "Social Scroll" Pivot: Next time you’re mindlessly scrolling Instagram and see someone you haven't talked to in a year, don't just "like" their photo. Send a DM. Say, "This looked great, just wanted to say hello!"
- The Calendar Trigger: Pick one day a month—maybe the 1st—to be your "Outreach Day." Spend 15 minutes sending quick pings.
Actionable steps for right now
Don't finish this article and just go back to your day. Reach out. The "perfect time" is a myth.
First, pick your person. Think of someone who popped into your head in the last 48 hours. Maybe it’s a teacher, a former neighbor, or that person you met at a conference three years ago.
Second, choose your medium. Text is great for close friends. Email is better for professional contacts. LinkedIn is the middle ground.
Third, keep it under three sentences. "Hey [Name], I was just thinking about that project we worked on and realized it's been way too long. Just wanted to say hello and hope you're having a great year! No pressure to hit me back, just sending my best."
Fourth, hit send before you can overthink it. The world is increasingly lonely, despite being more "connected" than ever. We have thousands of followers but fewer actual conversations. Breaking that silence with a low-pressure, high-warmth message is a small act that pays massive dividends in human capital.
You aren't being annoying. You aren't being weird. You're being human. And in 2026, being human is the most valuable thing you can be.
Go ahead. Send the text. Your "weak ties" are waiting.