Let’s be real for a second. The 2015 indie film It Had to Be You is exactly the kind of movie that shouldn't have slipped through the cracks. It stars Cristin Milioti, who is basically the patron saint of "I know her from that thing," and it tackles the absolute dread of marriage with a level of frantic honesty that usually gets polished out by big-budget studios. It’s messy.
If you haven’t seen the It Had to Be You movie, you’ve likely felt the exact vibe it’s selling. It’s that specific brand of New York neuroticism where every life milestone feels less like a celebration and more like a closing door. Most romantic comedies are about the chase, right? The big "will they or won't they" at the airport? This movie isn't that. It’s about the "what now?"
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The Cristin Milioti Effect and Why This Isn't Your Standard Rom-Com
Sonia is a jingle writer. She’s quirky, but not in that "manic pixie dream girl" way that felt so tired by 2015. She’s quirky because she’s actually kind of falling apart. When her long-term boyfriend, Chris (played by Dan Soder), drops a surprise proposal, she doesn't cry happy tears. She panics.
What makes the It Had to Be You movie stand out—and why it actually matters in the context of the genre—is that it refuses to treat Sonia's hesitation as a character flaw that needs "fixing." Most movies would spend 90 minutes showing her that she’s "wrong" for being scared of commitment. Director Sasha Gordon takes a different path. It’s a surrealist trip through a woman’s psyche as she realizes her identity might be getting swallowed by a suburban "happily ever after."
The film plays with visuals in a way that feels more like a stage play or a musical without the singing. There are animated sequences. There are breaks in reality. It’s jarring because we’re used to the flat, brightly lit aesthetic of Hallmark or Netflix originals. Here, the cinematography by Bobby Bukowski captures a grainy, frantic New York that feels lived-in and slightly claustrophobic.
It’s honest.
Sonia’s job—writing jingles—is the perfect metaphor for her life. Everything has to be catchy, short, and sell a lie. But her internal reality is long-form, complicated, and doesn't rhyme. When she heads to a luxury resort in Rome (on a trip she was supposed to take with Chris), the movie shifts into this weird, beautiful exploration of solo identity.
What the It Had to Be You Movie Gets Right About Modern Relationships
Let's talk about the "marriage plot." For decades, movies told us that the proposal is the finish line. It Had to Be You argues that the proposal is just the starting gun for a very confusing race.
People often search for the It Had to Be You movie thinking they’re getting a lighthearted flick to watch with wine on a Friday night. They do get that, but they also get a dose of existential crisis. It’s a film for the people who look at their friends' engagement photos on Instagram and feel a weird pit in their stomach instead of pure joy.
Why the Critics Were Split
- The "Unlikable" Protagonist: Some critics at the time, including voices from The New York Times, felt Sonia was too abrasive. They missed the point. She’s allowed to be messy.
- The Surrealism: The abrupt shifts into fantasy sequences didn't land for everyone.
- The Ending: No spoilers, but it doesn't tie things up with a perfect velvet ribbon.
Sasha Gordon, who also composed the score, leaned into the frantic energy. The music is almost a character itself. It’s rhythmic and slightly off-kilter, mimicking the heartbeat of someone having a low-key panic attack for three days straight.
The Specific Genius of Dan Soder and Cristin Milioti
Dan Soder is a stand-up comedian by trade, and he brings a grounded, "regular guy" energy to Chris. He’s not a villain. He’s not a jerk. That’s what makes the conflict so compelling. If he were a monster, the choice to leave or stay would be easy. But he’s a good guy. He loves her.
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And then there’s Milioti.
You’ve seen her in Palm Springs, Made for Love, and Black Mirror. She has this incredible ability to look like she’s seeing a ghost even when she’s just ordering a coffee. In the It Had to Be You movie, her performance is the glue. Without her specific brand of wide-eyed vulnerability, the surrealist elements might have felt like gimmicks. Instead, they feel like the only way to express her internal chaos.
The movie asks a heavy question: Is it possible to be a whole person while being half of a couple?
It’s a question that feels even more relevant now than it did in 2015. We live in an era of "main character energy," and Sonia is desperately trying to remain the main character of her own life while society—and her own guilt—is trying to cast her as a supporting role in a family unit.
Why You Should Actually Watch It (Or Re-watch It)
If you're tired of the algorithm feeding you the same three plot structures, this is your palette cleanser. It’s a small movie. It’s an indie movie. It doesn't have a $100 million marketing budget, which is probably why you might have missed it.
The It Had to Be You movie captures a specific moment in the mid-2010s indie scene where filmmakers were starting to deconstruct the rom-com from the inside out. It’s not cynical, though. It’s actually quite romantic, but in a way that acknowledges that love is terrifying and requires a loss of control that most of us aren't ready for.
Common Misconceptions
A lot of people confuse this film with the 1991 movie of the same name or various other romantic dramas. This 2015 version is the one you want if you're looking for the jingle-writing, Rome-visiting, panic-attack-having Sonia.
Another mistake? Thinking it’s a "chick flick." That’s a lazy label. It’s a human movie. The anxieties Sonia feels about her career and her autonomy aren't gender-specific. Anyone who has ever felt the pressure to "grow up" on someone else's timeline will find something here.
Practical Insights for Fans of the Genre
If you're planning to watch the It Had to Be You movie, go in expecting a character study rather than a plot-heavy epic. It’s a movie that lives in the faces of its actors.
- Watch the background details: The production design in Sonia’s apartment is top-tier. It tells you more about her mental state than half the dialogue.
- Listen to the score: Since Gordon is a composer, the music isn't just background noise; it’s the emotional roadmap of the film.
- Check out the director's other work: Sasha Gordon has a very specific voice that deserves more eyes.
- Don't expect a "lesson": The film doesn't lecture. It just observes.
The movie isn't perfect. Some of the side characters feel a bit thin, and the pacing in the middle act can feel as stuck as Sonia herself. But the highs are incredibly high. The scene where she’s trying to navigate the "couples" atmosphere of the resort while clearly falling apart is a masterclass in uncomfortable comedy.
Ultimately, the It Had to Be You movie is a reminder that being alone isn't the same thing as being lonely, but being with the wrong person—or being with the right person at the wrong time—is the loneliest feeling in the world.
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To get the most out of your viewing, find it on a streaming service that supports indie cinema, like Mubi or occasionally Kanopy through your local library. Watch it when you’re feeling a bit unsure about where your own life is headed. It won’t give you the answers, but it’ll definitely make you feel less crazy for asking the questions.
Your next steps:
Check your local library's digital catalog via Libby or Kanopy, as this film often pops up there for free. If you're a fan of Cristin Milioti, pair this with a viewing of Palm Springs (2020) to see how she’s mastered the "existential rom-com" subgenre over the last decade. Search for the soundtrack on Spotify to hear Sasha Gordon's original jingles and orchestral work, which provide a much deeper context to Sonia's professional world.