Nalan Xingde didn't know he was writing a viral hit. Honestly, the man was just grieving. When he penned the line 人生若如初见 (Life, if only it were like the first meeting), he wasn't trying to sell calendars or decorate coffee shops. He was trapped in the suffocating ritual of the Qing Dynasty court, mourning a lost love and a lost self.
Most people today use it as a romantic caption. They think it’s about that "spark" you feel on a first date. It’s not. It’s actually much darker. It's about the bitter realization that people change, promises fail, and the "first meeting" is a ghost that haunts the present.
The Man Behind the Verse: Nalan Xingde
To understand why this phrase hits so hard, you have to look at Nalan’s life. He was the son of the powerful Grand Secretary Mingju. He was rich. He was handsome. He was the personal bodyguard to the Kangxi Emperor. By every modern standard, he was winning.
But he was miserable.
Nalan was a "melancholy soul" in a world of rigid protocol. His most famous work, the Mumu Ci (Woodman's Song), contains this specific line. He wasn't just talking about a girl. He was talking about the decay of sincerity. He saw how the Emperor’s favor shifted. He saw how friends became rivals.
"If life were always like the first meeting," he writes, "then why should the autumn wind sadly discard the fan?" This is a direct reference to Ban Jieyu, a consort of the Han Dynasty who was abandoned by her Emperor. She compared herself to a silk fan—useful in the heat of summer (passion), but tossed into a box once the autumn chill (indifference) arrives.
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Why We Get 人生若如初见 Wrong
We live in an era of "swipe right." Our culture is obsessed with the beginning. The honeymoon phase. The "初见" (first meeting).
We use this phrase to romanticize nostalgia. We think, Oh, if only we could go back to that first night in Paris. But Nalan’s point was that you can't. The line isn't a wish; it’s a lamentation of impossibility. The "Autumn Fan" imagery is key here. It represents the inevitable disposal of what was once cherished.
Think about your own life.
Think about that friend you used to talk to for six hours straight. Now? You send a "Happy Birthday" text once a year and it feels like a chore. That is the "Autumn Fan" in action. The first meeting was perfect, but the "autumn wind" of time and ego blew it apart.
The Literary Weight of the "Autumn Fan"
In Chinese literature, the term Qiuliang Shan (Autumn Cold Fan) is a heavy-hitter. It’s a metaphor for a woman rejected by her lover, but more broadly, it represents anyone whose value has expired in the eyes of another.
When Nalan wrote 人生若如初见, he was echoing centuries of poetic tradition. He was drawing from the "Yuefu" style of poetry, which often focused on the plight of the common people and the abandoned.
There's a specific kind of cruelty in the phrase that gets lost in translation. It’s the "if only." In Chinese, "若" (ruò) creates a hypothetical that the reader knows is false. It’s a grammatical heartbreak. It’s saying: "The world is broken, and I am just imagining a version where it isn't."
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Cultural Impact in 2026
Why are we still talking about this three hundred years later?
Because the "First Sight" phenomenon is more relevant in the digital age than it was in the Forbidden City. In 2026, our first impressions are curated. We see the Instagram version of a person. We see the LinkedIn version. The "first meeting" is a high-definition lie.
When the reality of a person starts to leak through—their bad moods, their selfishness, their mundane flaws—we feel cheated. We cry out, "Life should be like the first meeting!"
But Nalan would argue that the flaw isn't in the change itself. The flaw is in our expectation of permanence. The Qing Dynasty was a time of intense social stratification. You were your rank. You were your family. Nalan wanted to be a poet, a free spirit. He was stuck being a soldier. His "初见" was a time before the weight of the world crushed his private dreams.
Misconceptions and the "Easy" Interpretation
Don't fall into the trap of thinking this is just a "breakup" poem.
Scholars like Yeh Chia-ying, a legendary figure in Chinese literature studies, have pointed out that Nalan’s work often reflects a longing for a spiritual purity that doesn't exist in politics.
Some people think the poem is about his first wife, Lu Shi, who died young. Others think it’s about a cousin he was forbidden from marrying. The truth? It’s probably both and neither. It’s a universal feeling of entropy.
Everything moves from order to chaos. Relationships are not exempt.
- The first meeting is high energy, low information.
- The middle is high information, fluctuating energy.
- The end is high information, low energy.
Nalan was obsessed with stage one. He was a man who couldn't handle the "middle."
How to Actually Apply This to Your Life
If you’re going to quote 人生若如初见, use it as a reminder to be present, not as a reason to be sad.
Stop trying to recreate the "first meeting." It’s a dead moment. It’s a fossil. Instead, acknowledge the "autumn wind." If you know the fan is going to be put away eventually, you might appreciate the breeze a little more while it's still summer.
Psychologically, we suffer from "fading affect bias." We remember the good parts of the past more vividly than the bad. This is why the "first meeting" seems so golden. We’ve edited out the awkward silences and the nervousness.
Nalan didn't have the benefit of modern psychology, but he understood the human tendency to self-torture through memory.
Actionable Insights for the Modern Soul
- Audit your nostalgia. When you find yourself wishing things were "like they used to be," ask yourself if you're longing for the person or just the lack of responsibility you had back then.
- Embrace the "Autumn Fan." Relationships evolve. If things aren't "like the first meeting," it might mean they are deeper, even if they are less "shiny."
- Read the full poem. Don't just stick to the first line. The rest of the poem mentions He Xiao, a story of a man who betrayed his lover. It’s a warning about the fickleness of the human heart.
- Stop chasing the "Spark." The spark is the "first meeting." The "life" part is what happens when the fire becomes coals. Coals stay warm longer than a spark stays bright.
Nalan Xingde died at the age of 30. He never got to see his "autumn." He stayed in the "summer" of his life, which is perhaps why his poetry feels so urgent and breathless. He didn't have time for the slow decay of old age. He only knew the sharp, sudden sting of loss.
When you read 人生若如初见, don't just think of a pretty girl or a handsome guy. Think of the version of yourself you were before the world told you who you had to be. That is the true "first meeting" Nalan was mourning.
Next Steps for Deeper Understanding
To truly grasp the weight of this sentiment, your next move should be to explore the Ciqiong (Collection of Lyrics) by Nalan Xingde. Don't look for professional translations first; look for "parallel texts" where you can see the original characters alongside a literal word-for-word breakdown. Pay attention to his use of "heart" (心) and "sorrow" (愁).
Then, compare his work to the "Palace Style" poetry of the Tang Dynasty. You’ll see that while the Tang poets were often decorative, Nalan was visceral. He took the "Autumn Fan" and made it bleed.
Finally, sit with a relationship in your life that feels "cold." Instead of wishing it were like the first day, identify one thing about the "current day" that is more honest than that first meeting ever was. That's how you beat Nalan’s melancholy. You accept the autumn.